How to Shower Like a Womanp
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Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning.
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Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see boyfriend/husband along the way, ignore juvenile “turban-head” jokes
and run to bathroom.
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Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you’re getting.
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Turn on hot water only.
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Get in the shower – once you’ve found it through all the steam.
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Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
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Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
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Rinse hair.
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Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
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Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw.
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Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash.
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Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been EATING your Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash.
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Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that all the conditioner has come off).
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Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can’t be bothered.
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Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water.
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Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
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Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
How to Shower Like a Man
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Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
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Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.
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Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No.)
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Turn on the water.
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Check for pecs again. (Still No.)
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Get in the shower.
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Don’t bother to look for a washcloth. (You don’t use one.)
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Wash your face.
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Wash your armpits.
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Wash your penis and surrounding area.
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Wash your ass.
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Shampoo your hair, do not use conditioner.
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Make a shampoo Mohawk.
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Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.
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Pee.
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Rinse off and get out of the shower.
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Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.
just thought to share a grin with everyone. With all my good friends. I hope you like it.
Damn, I used to say “y’all” all the time, and now it makes me feel like a masterson. Oh well.
“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”
Thanks, Lex. The male part was right on. I haven’t made a shampoo mohawk in years, though.
Okay, okay. Last Thursday, but I was in a good mood.
ROFLOL!!! This describes me and my husband to the letter!!
“There are more things you don’t know than there are things that I do know. I despair of the imbalance.” – Dr. Morgenes, The Dragonbone Chair
So, what IS a womanp? Where do I buy one? Are they high maintenance? Will they clog up my shower drain? Are they expensive?
Coldfire
Voted Poster Most Likely To Post Drunk
"You know how complex women are"
In answer to your last two questions: yes… and yes.
I love making shampoo mohawks!.. I guess I am odd. 
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
But if you find a good one… like mine
They’re worth more than twice what they cost, and keep appreciating in value through your whole life.
That’s sweet of you, Highlander. But I’m sure it took a lot of investing first. I mean, that seems to be the stage I’m in with my girlfriend currently. So, you’re saying I will actually see some of that money back? Wow 
Coldfire
Voted Poster Most Likely To Post Drunk
"You know how complex women are"
Y’know, I don’t ever remember doing this as a kid, but when my SO and I were in the shower last week, I decided it was high time I did. I prepared a magnificent coif for his viewing pleasure. Gave us lots of giggles. Guess there’s still a kid in my soul. 
Disputin
Flagrantly ignorant statements cheerfully
crammed right back down your neck.
Crackwhore: As long as you are making the shampoo mohawks on your head, you’re not weird.
I keep my hair real short these days, so a shampoo mohawk isn’t so feasable.
Anyone see Seinfeld’s impression of any person finding a hair in the shower? I thaught I’d die when I saw it. It is soooo funny
ROFLMAO That’s so funny! That’s not quite the way I do it, but I wonder if that’s how my hubby does??? Hmmmmmm, I may have to check that out when he gets home…
Seen on billboard near home:
Don’t make me come down there.
God
I am too pooped, not to mention inept, to seach out and copy the stellar thread Bluepony did on a closely related topic. IIRC, it had something to do with the woman using the man’s razor–to the detriment of said male for a “clean, close, comfortable shave”. Masculine faces dotted with toilet paper, stauching bleeding gashes come to mind.
Excellent (and hilarious) list, Lexicon. But it left out the inexplicable gender gap on long, luscious soaks. Why do men aspire to nothing more than a quick sprays of water? Why don’t men love lolling around in a tub or warm water the size of Lake Huron, with low lights, a glass of wine and some good smelling bath salts?
Hmmmm?
Veb
It is probably the SAME reason men almost always take reading material and stay in the bathroom for hours on the ‘throne’ as my father used to say.
Here is another male query though, my husband will wear underwear till it absolutely is about to disappear! I can now see through the cotton when I fold them, I’m waiting till the next time I open the dryer, I expect to see a cotton ball, and nothing else. He wears three piece suits to work, and yet he has this weird underwear! I gave up buying him new ones a long time ago and told him to do it himself. Is it a game? Does this sound like fun?? I’d be afraid to pull my slacks down and the underwear simply fall apart. Oh well…
“It’s hard to avoid reading because ever wheres we go, reading is there.”
Well, Veb in answer to your question I must say that I don’t think the males idea of relaxation involves soaking in hot scented/oiled water. At least not this males. No, I think that the male version of relaxing involves manny channels and a recliner, preferably with quiet and an alcoholic beverage.
And Anti, I gotta point out a couple o’ things.
One, maybe he doesn’t care about such trivial things as underwear. But-
More likely he just likes them because they are comfortable. My oldest pairs are treasured posessions, they are like silk that stretches and breathes. I love 'em, and I get rather annoyed when she (christie, SO, girlfriend, whatever you call wanna callher) throws 'em out. She just says,
“If you wear these you don’t get in mine,” and that settles it.
Suggestion?
I dunno, but that’s the best answer I can think of.
oh yeah, and
Two, it’s still clean and stuff, right? They don’t take out the garbage for you?
Then what’s the big deal? You can rest assured that he isn’t cheating on you, at least!<~~joke.
“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”