Herpes. I have it. Type II. I need some info. I have read extensively books, websites etc. The advice is always the same. Use a condom so you do not give your partner herpes. When you are having an outbreak of herpes you may want to take these drugs. Yada yada yada.
That is what all those books and websites say in a nutshell.
My question is this- I am married. My wife is not infected. I do not want her to be infected ever. I want to have children with her. I am not going to wear a condom every time I have sex. Can we have sex for the next 30-40 years without her getting herpes if we are careful? That is when I am not having an oubreak of herpes. Or is it inevitable that she will get herpes from me? And so I should not bother being careful?
I estimate we will have sex 5 times a week for many years. On an annual basis, without the use of antivirals or condoms, the transmission risk from infected male to female is approximately 8-10% , I read on Wikipedia.
No book or website answers this question.
Please do not provide a link to a herpes site unless it answers this question please.
I thought this was going to about bird flu.
Anyway I’d suggest you let her know you have herpes and you 2 come up with a plan together.
IIRC the clinical keyword used to talk about likelihood of transmitting STD’s to a long-term partner is “discordant couples”. That is the clinical term for where one partner has the STD and the other doesn’t. Search on that and you should find something you can use.
Even if it is inevitable, since you plan to have children you should try as hard as you can not to infect your wife before her pregnanc(ies). Since you don’t want links, you can google “herpes II and Pregnancy” and see that the bottom-line is thatt childbearing with Herpes is a fairly big deal that needs to be managed if your wife becomes infected
Avoid it as long as you can.
And BTW You are asking a Medical Question to a bunch of non-Doctors. Although there are some Doctors on this board – I am not sure anyone can give you the answers you want over the Internet - the GQ answer is you should talk to a doctor in person, who is an expert on Herpres about your questions
No, it’s really not that a big deal. The only time it is a concern is if the woman is having her first outbreak (open sores) during delivery, in which case she’ll likely deliver by C-section.
Moreover, outbreaks generally decrease significantly after the first couple of years.
Another thing to keep in mind is that your wife may, in fact, already have it. Many, many infected people never show physical symptoms, or the symptoms are so mild that they’re unnoticable.
The Planned Parenthood website has a great deal of terrific information available on it. Read up and consider scheduling a joint appointment for you and your wife with them, or with your regular doctor to discuss this.
I guess it depends on your idea of a big deal.
As stated though:
Absolutely minimizes the problem – it overstates more than calling it a "fairly big dea"l did. Considering that Women with outbreaks during pregnancy should be treated with
antivirals
Considering that a primary outbreak in the third trimester may cause preterm
labor and delivery
And considering that 5% of the transmissions of herpes to babies take place in utero across the placenta not during delivery
And considering that a newborn infant with Herpes is a very sick newborn with a mortality rate of up to 25%.
I think calling it a “fairly big deal” is more accurate than saying “no it really isn’t”
I could be taking issue with you because I am an argumentative pedantic guy (I am) – but my quirks and a$$hattery aside I think my original answer (“fairly big deal that needs to be managed”) is the better GQ answer than the piece of yours I quoted (“its really not”) – especially to a guy who wonders if it is worth the effort to try to keep the future mother of his children herpes free.
Braggart.
Ha! I was thinking “How long have you been married?”. 
No – just an incredible optimist.
Stranger
I was not trying to brag. I did not even think that would be considered bragging. It seems fairly normal to me. I was just trying to give factual info so people could understand my question.
Is saying you will have sex 5 times a week for many years considered bragging?
Without precautions, I’d say your risk of transmission is higher than you think.
Think of it as a sort of Russian roulette. In any given shot your risk of getting a bullet is 8-10%. Now pull that trigger five times a week for 30-40 years. What are your odds of never, ever getting the bullet?
All it takes is one. Talk to your wife.
What it says on WIkipedia is that the chances of transmission is 8% a year. Not 8% per transaction.
Has she been tested? I think the statistic is that about a third of herpes carriers have no symptoms. If that is the case then you shouldn’t worry.
“The disease on everyone’s lips” is different from the genital one, no? I know there is a chance of cross-infection orally to genitally, but generally speaking they are different strains of herpes?
Oh, unless you meant those “lips”?? 
As Stranger alluded, not so much bragging as hopelessly optimistic.
I was just giving the facts. It is not optimistic but realistic.
I was just giving the facts. It is not optimistic but realistic.
The title of my post was obviously an old joke
The title of my post was obviously an old joke
Fair enough. The paragraphs quoted below are the reason I’ve drawn conclusion. From what I’ve read, everyone who gets any STD is tempted to think it’s nothing short of catastrophe. I’m simply trying to illustrate that even the worst case scenario – that the OP infects his wife (assuming she doesn’t already have herpes, and EXTREMELY prevalent disease) – is manageable. Anything that’s manageable is “not that big a deal,” in my book.
From the Planned Parenthood website:
… and also of note:
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