The Dumbest Person I Know

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

One day we conviced my brothers girlfriend at the time that jack-a-lopes are real. You know the rabbits that are supposed to have deer antlers. Well it took us about 10 min. to convince her they were real, then we thought better of it and tryed to tell her it was a joke, she wouldn’t listen to us. She thought we were trying to make a fool out of her by getting her to belive a real animal didn’t exist. Geeze im glad she is now my brothers ex-girl.

In my high school engish class our teacher asked the class if we had any questions about the topic we were talking about. I will never forget what the kid sitting next to me asked “Do dead people wear shoes in there coffins?”. I miss HS sometimes.

42

If the doors are well sanded then that sounds kinda fun. :slight_smile:

43

I recently convinced one of the 16 year olds at work that I moved to Canada, but am still working in Massachusetts. A few weeks ago when I went to Ontario to visit a friend, I had to work the day I came back. I got caught in Boston traffic, so it put me back a few hours, and I skated into work like 2 minutes late. He asked why I’d been late (I’m always early, without fail), and I told him that I got stuck in traffic on the way from Canada. He’d heard I’d moved recently, and he looks at me amazedly. “You moved to Canada?!? Isn’t that a long drive?” Yeah, I drive 8 hours to get to work, work 8 hours, drive home, get a shower, and repeat the next day…McDonalds is just that important to me. The other day, he asked me about the weather in Canada. He’d seen on the news there was a big storm or something.

Another one of my 16 year olds is convinced he was attacked by a squirrel when he went to throw the trash in the dumpster. Apparently it lunged at him. We have a survellance camera on the back parking lot, and we all watched in tears as he ran from the corral. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever watched…

44

My History Instructor, bless his easy course, handed out outlines for each chapter/section of American History we were covering.

One day this girl who can in late said something remarkably stupid.

G: ::Holding up WW2 outline:: hey, have we done this yet?
SG: ::thinking, we’re in the '20’s:: no, we haven’t.
G: How about this one? ::holds up Eisenhower era outline::
SG: :rollseyes: No, that takes place after WW2…
G: ::Getting angry:: Well! Sooorrrryyy! I don’t know much about history!
SG: Maybe, but if you notice the dates written at the top…
G: Smartass!
SG: ::idly wonders how they hell she got to Texas A&M::

45

Misplaced an ocean? Could be worse. Some folks misplace entire hemispheres.

46

Ruffian, it’s even more fum if you use 2 twin mattresses instaid of doors. That way you can jump and slide. Wear a helmet.

47

I am dumb. I have tried to convince my friends of that, but no matter how much I repeat it they just think I am just trying to downplay my accomplishments. But there have been two episodes that make my friends laugh every time I try to use those as arguments to prove my dumbness:

For 18 years I’ve not eaten meat. I once told my live-in boyfriend that I would go to the deli for something to eat because I didn’t want to make lunch. While I am eating what I brought for myself he is just there staring at, I thought there was something wrong his sandwich and asked him. He looked at me with exasperation in his face and asks: “What did you buy for yourself”. I told him that I bought a cheeseburger, he asks “and do you like it?” I told him it was ok. He told me to look at my burger and when I saw the meat I just dropped it with a horrified look in my face. He went around telling everyone that I thought a cheeseburger only had cheese inside and I didn’t notice otherwise even after eating half of it.

That would have been the end of it if it weren’t because sometime that same week we both went to the deli again. I picked up a tuna sandwich while he picked up a cheese and ham sandwich. We mistakenly switched sandwiches and it wasn’t until after we were almost finished that he tells me: “this is the worst ham and cheese sandwich I’ve had in years”. That saved my reputation.

48

Erm… you didn’t notice that you were eating ham and cheese instead of tuna?

This saved your reputation? :wink:

49

You mean I’m not real? Eek! :cool:

50

I once worked with a young woman who became very incensed when told that people were animals. According to her, there were people, animals, and plants. Her exact words: “I ain’t no damn animal, I’m a person.”

Another time, this same young woman was present when evolution was being discussed. Someone mentioned that human skin color changed as a result of climate and that people who lived in more northern climates evolved from black to white. She said that was the stupidest thing she had ever heard because she personally knew black people who lived in New York and none of them had turned white.

Another time, she insisted that the American buffalo had once been extinct but had made a nice recovery.

51

Ouch! Are we digging up old threads with the sole purpose of embarrassing Mighty_Girl :wink:

I am too dumb, just absent-minded.

52

I meant:
“I am not too dumb, just absent-minded.”

[sup]I am not making a good case for myself here[/sup] :rolleyes:

53

Hey, as long as the thread’s back, let me tell you all about Lisa. Sure, she was a high school drop out; sure, she made foolish decisions in her personal life; sure, she did not understand references to shared cultural icons such as Darth Vader or Captain Kirk. And sure, in a comedy club, when a comedian made a reference to a Vietnam vet, she turned to her friend and whispered, “There wasn’t really a Vietnam, was there?” But all that stupidity pales in comparison to this phone conversation.

For some reason, I mentioned clitorises. Lisa, 22 years old and sexually active, asked what a clitoris is. You know, the happy spot. The what? I tried to define it.

Lisa, bemused: “I don’t think I have one of those.”

I assured her that she certainly did. She was not from a culture that ever practices female genital multilation. I told her to take a mirror and look at herself. She told me that the only reason I knew the word “clitoris” was because I read so much, and that she bet that nobody else (well, she used the phrase, ‘nobody normal’) would recognize that word. We hung up; she called two friends. Knowing Lisa well, neither was exactly surprised to pick up the phone and hear her ask,“I just have a quick question- have you ever heard of a ‘clitoris’?”

Lisa called me back. “They both know what it is. It’s like everybody knows this but me.”

I called a friend with whom she was intimate. I asked him if Lisa had a clitoris. He said she did, and it was utilized.

54

Here’s one from my mom, yesterday: At a wedding, we were talking about our experiences with going through security checks at airports, etc., especially after 9/11. My mom told about when she was waiting in line at an airport, and worried that her fully-packed bags would be selected for a thorough search, as they were checking every third person. She ended her story with, “Luckily they didn’t check me after all. But they missed me by only one. whew”

My sister and I, in unison: “They would HAVE to miss you by only one.” laughter around the entire table

It took several minutes to explain to her why this was true.

55

My sister-in-law can provide much entertainment with her stupity once you get over the initial shock. However, it got pretty scary after she decided to reproduce.
She was trying to get pregnant, and one day she was all happy and telling everybody she was definately pregnant. She and her husband had sex 2 days earlier and her stomach was already swelling and it even hurt a little. She made everybody press her belly to feel how hard it was. Turned out to be gas.

While she was pregnant, she decided she didn’t want to gain anymore weight so she went on a diet of watermelon, potatoes, and lemons. And was sent to the hospital because there was too much acid in her blood.

When the baby was born, her husband had to mix up the formula before he went to work everyday because she didn’t know how to use a measuring cup.

She decided not to get the baby circumsised. The doctor gave her detailed instructions on how to keep the penis clean, but she thought the cleaning prcedure looked painful so she didn’t do it and didn’t tell anybody she wasn’t doing it, so 2 month old baby has to go to the E.R. because his penis is so infected he can’t pee, and he had blood poisoning.

The baby was teething and cried constantly, so while my mother-in-law was keeping him she got curious because he was sleeping so deeply. Turns out stupid sister-in-law gave him some Tylenol and got teaspoon confused with tablespoon.

I could go on forever…

Thank god the kid has made it to 12 years old.

56

Yeesh! And this woman still has custody over that child?

Unbelievable.

57

Brother of a friend dated a girl so dumb that…

  1. She told everyone she’d once had a female rooster for a pet.

  2. She told everyone that her uncle got cancer because he ate an orange in Vietnam.
    I still giggle every time I think about the last one…

58

My cousin is the dumbest person I know, without a doubt.
I don’t know if she’s always been this way, or if it just popped up recently, but Jesus, some of the things she says make me wonder. She’s 17, and going to graduate in December, yet doesn’t know anything.

From an email she sent to my mom on Sept. 12, last year:
"I have been e-mailing angela but i haven’t got a reply
and i was wondering how they were doing with all this
bomb stuff… Because if my geography is right the
white house is in sc and even if its not with john in
the navy now i’m sure hes got something going on. "

Yeah, the white house is in South Carolina. How do you get to be a junior in high school and not know that?

John and I ended up going to Virginia last fall, and went by DC when we were there. We were standing at the capitol building, and called Jen. When we told her we were at the capitol building, she said “Oh, the capitol of SC?” (Understandable.)
John: “No, the capitol in Washington, DC. The capitol of the US.”
Jen: “Oh. Is that in SC?”
John: “No. It’s a completely diferent place.”
Jen: “Oh, but it’s near SC, then?”
She also didn’t know that the Pentagon existed until “all the bomb stuff” happened.

Another time, she was telling me about once when she was driving with her mom in the car, and she ran a stop sign, and mom freaked out. Her exact statement after that was “Well duh, does she’ think I’m going to drive all careful, just because she’s in the car with me?”

We were eating Cup-O-Noodles once, and she had the shrimp one. She opened it and said “Oh, these shrimp are so generic! They’re cute!” John asked “Generic?” and she said “Yeah, they’re so small!” It turned out that she thought that “generic” meant “small.”
We also had to explain the term “surreal” to her, and afterwards, she’d tried to use it at the oddest times. She was also convinced that “infomercials” were called “nymphomercials.”
John has a friend who is a really nice guy, very funny, but very dopey as well. We went out to eat once, and were talking about holidays, and I was mentioning that a lot of widely celebrated Christian holidays are based on Pagan holidays. He seemed to agree and understand, until he said “Yeah, Christmas is Pagan too.” John asked “Oh really? How is Christmas Pagan?” The guy answered “Well, it’s supposed to be about the birth of Christ, but instead it’s about getting and giving gifts. No one really celebrates the true meaning.” I said, “Yeah, Christmas is pretty much a holiday based on capitalism now. It’s materialistic.” and he said “Yeah, materialistic. That’s what Pagan means, right?”
And my mom’s not normally dumb, but when I got extensions put in, she emailed me to ask “How did you get your hair to grow so long so quickly?”

59

Person 1: Hey, Happy Birthday, Person 2.
Person 2: It’s not my birthday!
Person 1: ??
Person 2: Oh wait. Never mind.

60

My best friend’s girlfriend. Even he thinks she’s an idiot. A fairly typical example of the conversations we’ll have everytime I see her: we all went to catch a few movies today, ‘Goldmember’ (sooo bad) being one of them…

Her - (hissing in my ear) That guy looks familiar.
Me - (hissing back) It’s Fred Savage. Now hush.
Her - Who?
Me - The little kid from ‘The Wonder Years’.
Her - But this guy’s an adult.
Me - Please be quiet, I’m trying to listen.
Her - No, you’re wrong! This guy, he’s like 20 or something. That kid was only 8. Or 9. Or 10.
Me - And how long ago was ‘The Wonder Years’ first shown?
Her - (pause) Huh?
Me - He grew up. Now hush!
Theatre patrons behind us - Will you shut your girlfriend up?
Her - Tell him he’s wrong and then I’ll shut up. No way is that guy the little kid. That guy is tall.
Me - Just forget it. I’m probably wrong.
Her - smug Yes, I thought you must be.