The Earls, No! (Michael Savage)

The BBQ Pit
1

I don’t have as strong an opinion of Michael Savage as I have of certain other conservative commentators, but I suspect he’s just warmed-over Limbaugh. What bothers me is that the Earls have done a song for him:

Checce.

Of course, in the modern world you simply mix music with politics, and there’s no way around it. Back in the past, music was simply political in a way that was simply not obvious unless you were standing outside its context (search YouTube for my handle, for example). But here a group that did multiple essential doo-wop tunes, and still sound pretty good, unlike many others trying to button glittery jackets over their bellies, and now I’m wondering if they think blacks have more privileges than whites, feminism destroyed the American family, global warming is a conspiracy of pinko sympathizers, or what.

It must be like when conservatives realized that the Dixie Chicks were not with them. I didn’t want to know.

Of course, it didn’t sadden me to know that Bowzer is a liberal, so maybe I’m not as neutral as I like to think.

2

Savage almost makes Limbaugh sound credible. He’s amusing to listen to for conservative shock-hosting but I shudder to think that there’s people who actually listen to him to help themselves form views on the world.

3

Ok, no one has actually heard of this guy, and no one fucking cares. Guess what, there are conservative media personalities and they are all dipshits. They are dipshits because they are conservative media personalities, and so they pander to the lowest common denominator of conservatives.

Furthermore, no one has heard of whatever band you’re talking about. I understand your pain; it’s always tough to learn our heroes might be a bit retarded. But come the fuck on, write a rant. You sound like a fucking fall out boy song, your rant is so emo and weak.

Shit, maybe I’ll start a series of rants about my high school girlfriend Tina Mae, who didn;t want to blow me after the football game; it’s about the same amount of relevant and poignant as your, uh, confession (rant is too strong a word).

4

Look, I accepted long ago that there was no saving Pat Boone’s soul –

Notice how the message conveyed by his face conflicts with that of his voice.

Frankly, I suspect that with so many Republicans turning out to be closet homos, surely Boone is protesting too much, especially with the way his fans so quickly chastise him for shifting from the party line. But if this Savage is worse than Limbaugh, are the Earls, who gave us “Never,” “Cry Cry Cry” and “Remember Then” simply and irredeemably some kind of pigs?

5

Well, it’s not like they’re the Clovers or anything, but I understand your point. It’s an important group in that they’re essential, though their actual superiority to any other group lies mostly in their essential-ness and the fact that they can still sing fifty years later. But, look, I understand how you don’t get it, because you belong to a generation that has never heard real music, unless you happened to catch a wiff of Tom Waits or Weird Al coming out of a passing smoke-filled vehicle. Back in the day, before my day, really, it didn’t matter if you were a fascist warpig who was happy with the idea that Sarah Palin might have been an unsteady heartbeat away from the presidency. Back then, all that mattered was that you sounded white enough that your audience’s parents wouldn’t ask uncomfortable questions.

6

Wow, spoken like a true douchebag baby boomer/early Gen X’er.

Tom Waits? I’d say “Seriously?”, except that your next one was Weird Al!!

W.T.F? This just in: “Like A Surgeon” speaks to our youth!

Furthermore, I probably need not remind you that every generation since the greatest has “heard real music”, given that I was familiar with things like Zep and Floyd before I learned long division thanks to the wonders of modern audio reproduction technology such as “my dad’s records” and “radio”. Of course, if you define real music as "what someone listened to in their formative hippie/college years when they really got it, man, then I suppose I could say that you’ve never listened to “real music” either.

BTW, the Moody Blues can still sing (mostly) today too, as can the Doobies minus that fat fuckface Michael McDonald’s. And I saw them both in concert. But they (the moodies) are still playing lame 60’s “meaning” art rock, even though I still love them like a retarded child.

Anyway, fact is, I like you. I like your judgmental thoughts on music and your assumption that other people are fucking idiot philistines. I pretty much agree entirely. Of course, you like the wrong music, and you’re an old, but I still admire your spirit and would hang out with you were it not for the waves of patchouli that would no doubt assault my olfactory senses. And also you probably have lots of female friends with gross 70’s au naturale bush, which is sort of a dealbreaker, unless I get to wield some clippers to reveal the promised land.

But nonetheless, you have some game, and I appreciate that. I’d get into an obscure band dick-size contest, but there’s some cold pizza and a dvr episode of ST:TNG (I know, right?) waiting for me as I polish off a bottle of high-proof expensive rum. Still, I give you props, but next time, put your passion into the OP. Pick a subject that really gets you going, and put some effort in. And more of this holier-than-thou hippie bullshit; I love that stuff.

Also, thank you for not being yet another SDMB BBQ Pit pussy who just calls people stupid because they are a fucking idiot.

7

It would sting, but that I’ve delivered this rant so many times myself.

Well, that’s my Achilles’ heel. If somebody comes up and says, “Well, my music was deep and important!” I have to insist that it’s important to be “solid,” “fly,” “boss” or “rrrreet.” If none of those persuade you, I’m afraid we’ll just have to be enemies. Don’t let the fact that my armies are older and fatter than yours give you confidence. My soldiers are bosser. In general. Shut up, you don’t get it.

So long as the ability to boogie woogie is a weapon, you will perish.

I’d accuse them of being gay, but I’m pretty sure a lot of the music I like would have been considered gay back in the day if anybody had known how to detect it. I mean, how did Sha Na Na not register as gay? Well, presumably because they apparently never met a coreographer, but my point is that I will never shirk from my tepid defense of Huey Lewis and the News. They were good at what they did, and you are a fool to deny it.

It all connects, if you’ll just listen to my complicated explanation.

Am I to understand that the generation gap is now measured in bush tollerance?

I would strangle your grandma for some hippie credibility. All I’ve got is some scars from the Cola Wars and a vast knowledge of records you’ve never heard of. But I have every right to bitch if the dumb old fucks who sang the music I adore turn out to be dumber old fucks than I assumed. Christ, why couldn’t they have all died young like Buddy Holly? Or Christ, for that matter.

8

Eternal love, eternal kissin’
You don’t know what you been a missin’, oy boy…"

Jesus Christ’s Greatest Hits, Vol. 1

9

The lead guy has a very seventies gay guy moustache. I bet that’s why they chose Savage, once they found him cowering in the back of the closet.

10

Wow, that was one awful cacophony. These people were famous?

11

Monkey flings poo in Pit. News at eleven.

-Joe

12

A band I’ve never heard of commemorating a man I’ve never listened to is a heartbreak that can only be assuaged by the alcohol I was planning to drink later anyway.

13

I like your style. I am off work now so I will join you in spirit and enjoy some spirits.

14

I, too, respond to the demands of good mental hygiene. One may admire the ideal of being both sane and sober, but if you must choose, choose wisely.

15

Tard makes lame “funny” one-liner post. Not news; come back when you learn how to play.

16

So meta. Politics or pubes? I’ve heard it both ways.

17

FWIW, Savage is not conservative so much as batshit insane. Anyone who displays that much appreciation for him is automatically off the island.