I was getting a little shuteye before going to work the other day, and across my radio came an emergency medical services call. It was to my dad’s address!
Well, I jumped in the Jockeymobile, and drove like the wind, lights and sirens to dad’s place. Seems dad was a bit short of breath, in cases like that, things can go down hill like right now, so we convinced him to go to the hospital, against his better judgement (now, dad, who’s 77, has seen his share of hospitals and doctors, and has an equal amount of disdain for both).
We wheel him into the ER on a full moon night, none the less (those of you who are in EMS or work in an ER know how effed up it can be on a full moon) and begin the procedures for checking him in and the like.
He hands me his wallet to give the cheerful young lady from admitting his 411, as he’s busy getting a breathing treatment and an armful of IV solution.
I go rifling through the wallet which, frankly, unnerved me a little, (fear from childhood perhaps) but I do, and I find his cards and such, and hand them over.
Now as I’m looking into the history of my Dad’s life, I spy something that about made me jump out of my skin.
I flip over a folded up piece of paper, to find a condom.
Holy crap! My 77 year old father has a FREAKING CONDOM in his wallet! Now, i thought, maybe it’s just an old one, a gag perhaps, alas, no. Not only was it not a gag, it hadn’t even expired yet. I didn’t know what to do or how to do it, I was shocked, nay, stunned at the discovery, when I thought, "man, as soon as he’s better, I am gonna bust his chops’’
Well, after everyone left, docs, nurses et al. I pick up his wallet, pluck the condom out and say.
“So hey, are ya kiddin me with this? Ya GOTTA be kiddin me”
He get’s a little sheepish look on his face and says, “well, that was probably in there from before”
“Bollocks” i said, “you just changed wallets last month, I know, I bought you the one you’re using.”
[backstory] mom passed in 2000 at the age of 54 (she always knew she would die in her 50’s) and dad’s been on his own ever since. [/backstory]
I couldn’t help it, I let go with an honest, from-the-gut belly laugh, and he cracked a wry smile.
I dubbed my 77 year old father, with a condom in his wallet, the eternal optimist.