Two explorers are in the jungle beseiged by bugs and one of them is looking at a spray can labeled “On” in his hand and he’s yelling at the other guy, “Wait a minute…you idiot! This isn’t what I said to bring!”
A husband and wife are driving in a car, and in the night sky you can clearly see the Earth. The wife says to the husband, who is driving, “Henry! Pull over! Now look where the Earth is!”
On a pirate ship, there is a mutiny in progress. All the pirates have stopped fighting to look at a little boy standing on the deck wearing mouse ears. The captain says to him, “What’s your story? If you aren’t a mutineer, than what are you?”
An Indian is holding a book called ‘101 Rain Dances’ with a puzzled look on his face. Egg beaters are falling from the sky and the Indian is scratching his head saying, “Oh…three steps left and then two to the right. What kind of dance was I doing?”
And finally…I think my all time favorite…
God is in the kitchen, wearing a chef’s hat and he has the Earth in a pot and is obviously in the process of “creating” it. On the counter and shelves around him are cans and jars labeled things like ‘Birds’, ‘Trees’, ‘Light skinned people’, ‘Dark skinned people’, ‘Krill’ etc. He is in the process of adding the contents of a jar labeled ‘Jerks’ into the pot, and is thinking to himself, “…And just to make it interesting…”
The three wise men are in a tavern, standing at the bar. The surly bartender is looking at them and says something to the effect of “Oh yeah? Three wise guys is more like it.”
I won’t name a favorite. I don’t have a favorite. It’s like saying of your children you love the most, but I do have one on my mind:
It’s in the old west. A cowboy, or something like one, is standing beside a building looking up at a handyman on top of the building doing some roof repair. The guy on the ground says “So, I hear you’re pretty handy with a gun” The man on the roof is using the butt of a pistol to hammer nails.
Two spiders on a leaf. One has a paper bag on his head as a “mask”. He’s saying to the other one, “Hey, Bob! Did I scare you or what!” And from the other spider’s butt a loooong string of webbing hangs to the ground, where it forms a big sloppily-coiled pile.
If I had to pick a favorite, it’d be the cartoon of his featured on a birthday card I’ve given to many of my friends and family members:
In a classroom, a drawing of a cow is shown on the chalkboard, prominently labeled “COW” with a large arrow pointed to it. The instructor is calling on one of his students: “Yes, I believe there’s a question in the back”
Gotta love it. On the birthday card on the inside it reads “Getting smarter every year aren’t you?”
My all-time favorite is one titled “(guy’s name)'s last nite as sound man”.
cartoon is drawn from the view of behind a sound board, toward the stage where the performers are looking very shocked and confused. The audience is pissed off and starting to get ugly. The sound man is turning up a knob labeled “Suck”!
The two explorers are walking thru the grasslands, arguing. A water buffalo is unseen right behind them, breathing over their shoulders. One explorer says to the other: “Buffalo breath? Buffalo breath? Shall we discuss your incessant grunting noises?”
The first one to come to mind is the one captioned (paraphrased), “1887: Juan Rodriguez cruises into town on Mexico’s first low-rider.” The picture shows a guy in a sombrero surrounded by awed townsfolk – he’s riding on a horse with 5-inch legs.
Man, that still makes me laugh. Maybe it’s because I’m Mexican.
I love the ones that require you to piece together what has happened immediately before the panel give (like the ‘Three Wise Guys’ one.)
My fave is the dark police investigation room, suspect has a bright light on him, group of cops all around the chair. One is writing in his notepad as another looks at him disgustedly and says “Don’t write that down, you idiot! His name isn’t ‘Puddin’ Tame!”
-Scientist washes up on a desert island with a duck. The duck says, “So, Professor Jenkins, we meet again, but this time the advantage is mine!” (Pretty much anything with ducks is a favorite.)
-Convention for people with low self-esteem, or something like that. The emcee announces, “Before we begin tonight’s presentation, we’d like to let Mr. Frank Johnson know that you weren’t actually invited.” This one was particularly funny since one of my high school teachers was named Frank Johnson. He loved it.
I particularly like ones where God is featured, but He always seems to have some human fault.
Like the frame of a doofy looking kid with buck teeth and a shirt that doesn’t cover his protruding belly; his hair is singed and his face is all blackened as if an explosion had just gone off in front of him. Feathers are falling everywhere.
The caption reads “God, as a kid, tries to make a chicken in His room.”
Or the frame where the Allmighty is making snakes by just rolling clay into long ropes saying “Man, these are a CINCH!”
Fire hydrant-shaped alien walks up to two other aliens with dog in the back ground and says, “I asked him to take to to his leader and then he did the most awful thing!” (Or something close to that.)
Dog leans out of a moving car window to yell at neighbor’s dogs, “Hey, guys! Guess what? I’m going to the vet to get tutored!”
Little dog is on a chair at the kitchen counter, making himself an espresso. Caption: “While their owners sleep, nervous little dogs prepare for their day.”
Front view of a house with a poorly mowed lawn, guy yelling at the dog sitting by the lawn mower. Caption: “You call that mowin’ the lawn? Bad dog. No biscuit!”
Cats, What we say and What they hear.
And I third or fourth “Me Tarzan. You Jane.” That’s just way too close to the way I act to be quite comfortable.
