The Free-For-All Meltdown & Pile-On Thread

[Harborwolf]

I haven’t seen the sun in over a week. I find your claim to have done your part highly questionable. Also, I have no intention of mocking your scars. Not when you have so many other fine qualities to mock.

Only fagjunk would stick utensils up the right nostril

And if I wasn’t depraved, i wouldn’t be here.

[Juniper200]

Originally posted by Jester
**Unhhhhh…what happened…

Where am I? Why are all those people yelling?

And why is that sailor trying to offer me five dollars?**

Shhhhhh, sweetie. It’s all right. Here, wrap yourself in this blanket and we’ll get you home.

As for the REST of you…

For the love of the SWEET BABY JEEBUS!!! I’ve seen so much hate today, and it’s all come out of my fellow Dopers! I’m not asking you all to agree or to felch baby goats or to take Wildest Bill to the Junior Prom, but whatever happened to COMMON COURTESY, regardless of whether you agree with someone or not? There might be fluffy bunnies and impressionable teddy bears whose feelings are easily hurt reading this! CAN’T YOU TAKE SOME TIME BEFORE POSTING TO THINK OF THE FLUFFY BUNNIES AND IMPRESSIONABLE TEDDY BEARS?!?!?!??!!!

Now please post a long string of “me too” posts and make the thread sticky or I shall pout.

[FranticMad]

*Originally posted by OpalCat *
**What the hell were you thinking? And shouldn’t you be in bed right now? **

Hitler said the same thing. What are you, a Stalinist? Your liberal Libertarian views are so conservatively Fundamentalist that they end up supporting the partriarchal lesbo man-haters that oppress right-thinking hedonists without thinking of the children. My god, the children! How can you be so heartless and a virgin at the same time???

-signed
Shocked and bewildered

[3trew]

Harborwolf, you have to remove your head from your rectum in order to see the sun.

As for you, Juniper200, if you want to think about fluffy bunnies and impressionable teddy bears, there are plenty of sites out there where you can do that. There are even quite a few dedicated to dressing up like fluffy bunnies and impressionable teddy bears and doing, uh, stuff. The evil nazi moderator scum from hell prevent me from providing you with links, but considering your obvious fixation I think you probably know them all by heart.

(I just know that I’m going to wake up tomorrow and regret deeply the fact that about half of my post count comes from this thread, but how can it be wrong when it feels so right?)

[blowero]

*Originally posted by 2trew *
**Serious note: this isn’t mine, so if there’s a copyright issue I’d appreciate it if the mods would delete it for me. I think it fits well with the tone of the thread, though.

Dear (insert your username here):

Reposted from a discussion board:

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I’ll bet you couldn’t pour p!ss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won’t have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don’t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well… it didn’t really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative post was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective… Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us “normal” people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are “challenged” persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn’t have been “right”. Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. **

Goddam it, stop wasting band width, you goddam god dammer. Precious…band width…we…must…conserve…or…all…is…lost.

p.s. Fluffy bunnies can lick hairy teddy bear balls.

[Skeezix]

I still haven’t read any of the posts in this thread, but I had to add this:

p.s. Fluffy bunnies can lick hairy teddy bear balls.

Shows how much you know, ya otter-sniffing freak. Ever looked at a fluffy bunny? Ever see the big razor sharp, nasty, pointy teeth they sport?

Fluffy Bunnies can’t lick a damn thing, man. Them big honkin’ teeth get in the way every time. Y’know, if you insist on rotting your brain cells out sniffing something, the least you could do is spring for a top-shelf, name brand Otter, ya cheap bastid.

[vivalostwages]

I was stung in the foot by a *&##%)X#@! bee today!

And that was right after Aunt #!!##@& Flo came to visit!

There should be an “Ouch” smiley and there #!)#_*^$@!! isn’t!

NoClueBoy’s post count is higher than mine and he hasn’t even been on these >:"_)!@#$&% boards that long!

[Pucky_Schumer]

*Originally posted by Michael Ellis *
****I MASTRUBATE TO THE TELLYTUBBIES!!! ** **

Now this will teach me to read this board at work.

[Darth_Nader]

I would like to take this moment to invite both OpalCat and 2trew to suck my balls.

[Pucky_Schumer]

I know this is not the place for a serious question, so maybe I should post this in a separate thread in the Pit. But here goes.

I thought that if you started a parody thread, you were supposed to link to the original. I don’t see a link.

So why is this thread allowed to break the rules?

Also, I noticed several “I’m pulling up an armchair” posts. Again, the pit rules says this is a no-no. What gives?

And isn’t there a pit rule against purely joke threads?

Okay, I know you folks are having fun with this, but is it fair that I get quoted the rules if I step out of line and OpalCat can get away with this? Am I the only one here who thinks this is a double standard?

So is it just okay to ignore the rules and do what we want? You fucknuts probably drive SUVs with flags on the back and think that makes you a patriot. Listen, Ryan, I don’t fucking care what you look like, I don’t care what Alice’s rack looks like, Courtney Love can lick my hole – dealer’s choice – and if I hear one more fucking thing about Lord of the Rings I am going to personally jam this 17’’ monitor so far up the poster’s ass that he’ll use the speakers for headphones. The lot of you can floss with my pubic hair. Meltdown? Shit, I got your meltdown right here.

[Darth_Nader]

Pucky, you may also suck my balls, just wait for your turn, dammit!

[3trew]

So, uh, Darth, you having a little trouble getting a date? I mean, I appreciate the invitation and all, I’m flattered, but shouldn’t we at least meet first?

Why don’t you just take a deep breath, step back from the thread, count to ten and ask yourself whether a meaningless M/M/F ball sucking is what you really wanted when you posted that.

I’m guessing that you’re really unhappy about some other issue in your life, and you’re just choosing to “act out” here.

I can provide you with some links to creative visualization and holistic wellness sites that might aid you in your spiritual journey, if you’re ready to take that step.

Or, you know, I could take advantage of the fact that anything involving me sucking your balls would put them very near my teeth and ensure that what everyone in the inner circle has been saying about you on the secret board is really true.

I don’t want to interfere with your life path, so I’ll just be here and ready to support you in whichever life choice you might make.

Be well, my poor conflicted friend.

[Pucky_Schumer]

*Originally posted by Darth Nader *
**Pucky, you may also suck my balls, just wait for your turn, dammit! **

This implies:
[ul]
[li]That you have balls[/li][li]That they’re not in your mouth[/li]Hi, Opal.[/ul]

[Darth_Nader]

Oh dear, did I hit a nerve? It’s a well-known fact that those who respond to ball-sucking posts are just compensating for their childhood traumas…

I pity you, and hope that one day you might get the help you so clearly need.

[3trew]

Skeezix you autoerotically asphyxiating gormless glob of donkeyshit, “otter-sniffing” is not a fucking insult, okay? I’m proud to sniff otters, and if you don’t have the intestinal fortitude to admit your own desires that’s fine, but don’t you ever fucking degrade the term “otter-sniffing” again or I’ll hunt you down and remove your toenails with a claw hammer and a dentist’s drill.

We are not freaks, you freak. Do we not bleed when the otter bites us? I don’t make nasty comments about your necrophilliac sheep felching, and I expect the same courtesy, you dead lamb’s ass sucking cumguzzler.

Have you tried crystal therapy to deal with your inappropriate anger management issues? It’s worked wonders for me.

[Darth_Nader]

I never thought I’d be on the same side as 2trew, wow.

Otter-sniffing is not a “gateway to corpse-squicking”, okay?

[3trew]

Hey, Nader, do me a favour and stop trying to help, okay? The stench of your idiocy is just going to corrupt my perfectly cromulent posts.

[Darth_Nader]

Yeah, that’s what we want you to think.

[AncientHumanoid]

*Originally posted by vivalostwages *
**I was stung in the foot by a *&##%)X#@! bee today!

And that was right after Aunt #!!##@& Flo came to visit!

There should be an “Ouch” smiley and there #!)#_*^$@!! isn’t!

NoClueBoy’s post count is higher than mine and he hasn’t even been on these >:"_)!@#$&% boards that long! **

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Did I leave any out?

And oh yeah, SkeesickoBastard, Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries.

To all the users afraid to post:

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL TO HELL!
:o since when do oranges give blowjobs?

[tunabreath]

NoClueBoy has a green face because I puked on him! A Mighty Tuna puke!

ya buncha dipshits!