In an episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus there was a WWII skit where the British discover a joke that is so funny it will kill anyone who hears it (and understands it). Only British soldiers who do not speak German can read the joke off a card (in German) and kill any and all German soldiers within ear shot. The joke is never translated for the Monty Python audience, though. Thus, since I don’t speak German I have no idea what the “killer” joke was. They seemed to be saying real words in German but I have no idea what they were saying. Can anyone out there tell me the english translation of the “killer” joke.
If it helps at all, the skit ends when the Germans come up with a killer joke of their own and broadcast it on the British civilian radio. Their joke was: “Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was a salted… peanut.”
The killer joke also featured in the first Monty Python film, And Now for Something Completely Different. IIRC, the German joke was just nonsense.
The peanut joke is an old one and not a very good one: “one of them was assaulted” (= a salted).
Wasn’t it “What has four wheels and flies?”
A carful of [insert ethnic group here].
(It ain’t offensive if I don’t fill in the blanks.)
The answer to the riddle is “A garbage truck.”
I don’t know if that’s what Python’s joke translates to, but it sounds familiar. I guess a German-speaker will have to rent the movie.
From the alt.fan.monty-python FAQ
Q1. What is the funniest joke in the world?
A1. Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
Q2. What does this mean?
A2. [taken from “The First 200^H Years of Monty Python”
by Kim “Howard” Johnson]…
"It was actually German gibberish," Eric Idle explains. "It's written-down gibberish, because we all had to learn the same thing, yeah, but it's gibberish! It doesn't mean a thing at all. At least, I don't think it does..."
Q3. Isn’t some of that actual German?
A3. Yes, some of the words used were real German words. Others were pseudo German-sounding words, they’re mostly nonsense.
Q4. What’s the closest translation into English you can make?
A4. [taken from an article to a.f.m-p by Dirk Rehberger]…
I've seen it, I'm German, and here's the translation:
Wenn ist das - If is the (note: "Wann" means "when", which would make slightly more sense, since it's a question)
Nunstueck - nun = now, Stueck = piece
git - that's obviously English! (but similar to "gibt"
meaning "gives" or, in the phrase "es gibt", "there is".)
und - and
Slotermeyer? - DOESN'T MAKE SENSE (Meyer is a common German surname)
Ja! - Yes!
Beiherhund - Hund = dog, Beiher doesn't make any sense (Bayer means Bavarian, but you can't say "Bayerhund" for "Bavarian dog", you would have to say "bayrischer Hund")
das oder die - the or the (das is neuter, die is feminine) (or: "that")
Flipperwaldt - Flipper = pinball, Wald = wood/forest
gersput - DOESN'T MAKE SENSE ("ge" and "ver" are very common German prefixes for past participles, but not "ger".)
All in all: If is the now-piece (git) and Slotermeyer)? Yes! ...(Beiher)dog that or the pinball wood (gersput)!You’d better hope there are no German speakers on this board after you posted that. 
Obviously there are no German speakers on the board after he posted that.
Sorry, Rex, but if we explained the joke to you, as soon as you read it, you’d die.
The Ultimate Monty Python site is a godsend for these sort of questions.
It has the full script of everything that is Python.
The Funniest Joke in the World
Gilligan, of course, gave you the lowdown on its meaning.
Thank you Gilligan, now I know. ha ha It is kind of a funny thing to say if you think about it ha ha ha ha ha I’m laughing uncontrollably now ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ugh! jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj(my nose has landed on the j key).
I seem to remember this one from that sketch…
My dog has no nose…
How does he smell?
Awful!
That’s the one I remember as, but it has been many moons since I have seen Python, let alone that episode. I do remember seeing it on PBS on a Saturday night with a neighbor and laughing my ass off during the entire show. Good thing I was young at the time - it may have killed me.
Probably the best book available is the two-volume set, The Complete Monty Python’s Flying Circus : All The Words. (I only have volume 1, but luckily the “World’s funniest joke” comes from Episode 1, Whither Canada?). I haven’t followed Arnold’s link yet, but i guess that’s the same stuff that’s there.
The translation and joke given by Gilligan are correct; the no-nose dog is from a different part of the sketch, where they’re talking about pre-war jokes :
Another bit of gibberish German appears in the sketch, when the Germans are working on ‘a joke of their own.’ This joke is :
“Die ist ein Kinnerhunder und zwei Mackel über und der bitte schön ist den Wunderhaus sprechensie.‘Nein’ sprecht der Herren. ‘Ist aufern borger mit zveitlingen’.”
A quickly-made translation, if you care for it :
Die ist - “She is”, but ‘Die’ here is relative and so some specific ‘she’ or ‘it’ must be referred to. possibly meant to be an alteration of “Der ist” (‘He is’), which resembles “There is”.
ein Kinnerhunder - Kinn is chin, and Hund is dog, but these aren’t quite proper forms for either. Probably Kinner is meant to sound like Kinder - “children”
und zwei Mackel über - Mackel isn’t a word, but this is awfully close to “Macker”, an informal term meaning ‘fellow’, or ‘guy’. Über means ‘over’ and one can make sense of it, sort of, as if it were missing a bit and meant ‘over the Kinnerhunder’, “and two guys over”
und der bitte schön - “and the ‘you’re welcome’”
ist den Wunderhaus sprechensie. - “is the House of Wonders ‘Do-you-speak’.” sprechensie is common as part of the phrase-book staple “Sprechen Sie (Deutsch?/Englisch?/Französisch?)”. And ‘den’ is technically grammatically incorrect (should be dem or das).
‘Nein’ - no.
sprecht der Herren. - “said the gentleman/men”. ‘sprecht’ should be ‘spricht’, and Herren is plural, though it seems to be meant as singular. There’s other ways to interpret it grammatically, though, so don’t shoot me on this one.
“Ist aufern borger” - two nonsense words. Although ‘borgen’ is a verb meaning ‘to borrow’. ‘Borger’ seems to be an adj. here.
“mit zveitingen.” - zveitingen is nonsense, but has the phonetic ‘zveit’, from ‘zweit-’ meaning second- in compounds. So “with” something.
The man who wrote this was told “We’ll let you know,” and was, of course, promptly shot.
panama jack
‘WHITHER CANADA?’ WAS CONCEIVED, WRITTEN, AND PERFORMED BY …
Apparently, as many times before stated, most of the words in ‘The Killer Joke’ are actually REAL German words, the others are just pure nonsense and have NO MEANING whatsoever, in essence, the joke reads:
"When is the (nonsense word) going and (See *1 below for ‘Slotermeyer’)?
Yes! (See *2 below for ‘Bayerhund’), that or the (nonsense word) tracked!
*1:Slotermeyer is the name of a musician based in America, otherwise, the name has
NO significance whatsoever.
*2:‘Bayerhund’ is ALSO a made up word, tho there IS a German hunting dog called a Bavarian Mountain Hound, tho the German word for it is ACTUALLY; “Bayerischer Gebirgshund”…
So, if one is looking for an ACTUAL translation to this joke, the text may read something like:
"When is the ‘(nonsense word)’ ‘(nonsense word)’ (musical band)?
"Yes! (German Hunting dog) (male or female) (nonsense word) (nonsense word)!
Apparently, the punchline to this whole gag is that anyone that can make sense out of the utter nonsense in this joke dies laughing.
Monty Python has always been a hit or miss in my opinion, but that’s just me, sometimes they do a great sketch like the community of hermits, then they do something so stupid as to be equally offensive to both right and left alike, like the interrupted date sketch, where the leader of a rowdy bunch of partyers rudely and obnoxiously interrupts a date, brings his wife along, they argue and insult each other then start laughing, then offend the girlfreind, boyfreind objects and is murdered for it, personally i find such a sketch as that in very bad taste, only saving grace is in others like the ‘dead parrot sketch’ and the ‘ministry of silly walks’.
But that’s just me.
Wow, 26 year-old zombie thread.
In this case, it’s like when they find unexploded bombs from WWII in somebody’s backyard.
How do unexploded bombs smell?
Awful!