The Great Boulder Penis Flap!

I’ve been hearing about this on the radio and TV all week, but I’ve only found one web source here and it’s not what I call a particularly objective one. But…

A library director decided that it was incorrect to hang a flag in the entrance to the library following the Sept. 11 th attack. When asked why, she said that it might make someone uncomfortable and that librarians have a duty to be “objective” (???)

However, as part of a “Art Beats Domestic Violence” exhibit, she (the library “cultural program” director) had no qualms hanging by the entrance nearest to the children’s section, a display of multi-colored dildos (the penis-shaped kind, not the lipstick shaped kind). The dildos all sport natty little knitted Mike Nesmith caps and are well-hung from nooses. A White Male Oppressor Jumbo Dildo is hung in the center of the group of Dildoes of Color. Somehow this symbolizes…something. She said that women find the display amusing but it makes some men uncomfortable. But while we can’t make America-haters uncomfortable by displaying the flag in a public building, it’s fine to make men uncomfortable. :rolleyes: Allegedly, the Cultural Commisar (a radio host (and a left-wing one at that!) nicknamed her that after she refused to answer any questions from any media source, outside of a Boulder Daily Camera puff-piece) said that if you don’t want to see the Penile Display, you can use another entrance.

Somehow I find it hard to see how something like this could go down. True, Boulder culture ('though not many Boulderites) is hard to understand. But this just brings things to a head. Frankly, I think that the Boulder citizens are getting stiffed by this idiocy. Boulder’s government is usually whacko, but I think this time, they don’t realize how badly they muffed it. While the Dildo Display seems like a limp attempt to be shocking, I’d stand erect and come to attention for the flag! While Boulder may blow off my opinions, they can’t ignore the thrust of national controversy over this Great Penis Flap.

Surely Boulder isn’t that hard up for a controversy?

Fenris, indulging in juvienile humor…running it up the flagpole to see who salutes, so to speak!

I would certainly disagree that librarians have a duty to be ‘objective’. If the librarian in question puts up any displays at all then she is, indeed, making a point of some sort. And by doing that you’re taking sides.

Unless, of course, we’re talking about the artists from Ork who’s favorite music was a dial tone (and therefore totally deviod of emotional content).

And if you take sides you’re no longer objective. Even the simple act of choosing what to display shows the inability to be objective, if you get what I’m saying.

Dang, I thought this was going to be a thread about some new fetish I’d never heard of having something to do with flaps(foreskins?) in which boulders were inser…

Ah, never mind.


Now if only the dildoes were not circumcised…

Cutting Edge-NEWSFLASH!

Several news tips in the last few minutes:

The Cultural Comissar’s acutal title is The Director of Cultural Programs, which several wits (including Patty Calhoon, of the left-wing alternative paper Westword, who were rebuffed for an interview) have chosen to dub: The Glorious People’s Director of Glorious People’s Cultural Programs. I make no comment as to the level of wit.

Another tip that will stiffen your resolve to avoid Boulder:

The Dildoes Aren’t Real!

Apparently the artist took a cast of a dildo or two, and made ceramic replicas! It’s been noted by several reporters that the dildoes have “pleasure ridges”. I felt this worthy of noting.

Finally, apparently the White Male Oppressor Dildo was cast from a larger original than the surrounding Dildoes of Color! It also hangs lower on the clothesline! So apparently, White Male Oppressor’s stand alone, but are bigger and more well-hung then their fellows of Color, if you will.


Oh boy. I saw this on the news last night. Do I really need to stop by after work tonight to give Doper’s a heads-up about this? To get the hard news? To give a first-hand-job account of this exhibit?

I think I heard that the exhibit is in a gallery that is separate from the rest of the library (though in the same building). It semens to me that no one is forced to walk through Penis Central.

Oh my. Oh MY. OH MY.

Boulder’s flipped.

I’m tempted to go check this out on my lunch break today. The Boulder library has always been a laugh of a library - yeah, let’s put the CHILDREN’S ROOM in MIDDLE of the two story stone-walled OPEN ATRIUM. Why not?!? Children’s voices carry. They especially carry in a two story stone-walled open atrium. The Boulder library is the the singular best example of a building in which it’s completely impossible to read or study.

Now there’s dildos there. Nope, can’t put up a Flag, but Dildos? SUUUURRRREEEE!

Maybe I’ll talk Mr. Athena into meeting me there at lunch, where we will proceed to sloppily make out in front of the dildos while waving American flags… Hey! We’re just expressing our freedom! If we make you uncomfortable, it’s because of YOUR repressive views!

Wait - maybe we should make that Tibetan flags… or Afghani flags… after all, THOSE flags are more “sensitive” than the American one.

Well sure. Isn’t that the point?

Oh … I see.

Is not a replica of a dildo also a dildo? What’s the difference?

Jeez, man! DON’T YOU GET IT?!!!

Haven’t you ever read your Alfred Korzybski? “The map is not the territory”!

The original is an appliance. A tool. A funtional device. A ceramic one, brightly colored and wearing a happy little Mike Nesmith cap is ART.

Think of Warhol’s Campbell Soup Can art. Same idea. Only more penile.


Apparently you bozos don’t know how to stroke Google.

The story is here (scroll down for phun phallic photograph) and here

After having seen pictures of the art-work in question, I humbly retract my previous (lame) attempt at humor.

Whatta tool.

Man, I miss Boulder!

This is just great! I wish I could see it.

Yes, Fenris, if the good folks of Boulder didn’t have something to constantly get them in a knicker-twist, they’d have to make something up. Boulder is a wierd combination of rabid conservativism and granola-eating, no-armpit-shaving, Phish-following liberalism. This is the town where my friend Sheila received a bachelors degree in Contemplative Psychology. WTF?!? Did they sit around and think about psychology until they’d done it long enough for a degree?!? I won’t mention the name of the school, but Boulderites, you know it.

Boulder certainly makes for a fun undergraduate or graduate experience, I highly recommend it!

Perhaps they could cover a couple of the dildoes with Stars and Stripes emblazoned condoms. Fairness and all that.

However, I am sure that would draw even more penetrating stares from the more conservative upright members of the community.


  1. Per the artiste, aka “The Penis Lady”, these are not ‘dildoes’!, they are (paraphrase) graphic representations of male penises. She was very upset by the use of the term. The use of the term is problably a plot by anti-wymyn hatespeechers. (She also wasn’t real happy about the phrase “white male opressor penis”, which I found hysterical), so I shouldn’t have been so quick to debate Trion who apparently got the artiste’s intent better than I.

  2. There’s apparently now a sign outside the door that says something like “Warning, art exhibit contains graphic material that may offend some”, which is pretty amusing since the People’s Commisar for Glorious Cultural Displays (who still won’t return reporter’s phone calls) said that she wouldn’t allow a flag in the library (they put a tiny 2 foot flag in a corner of an entranceway, after public pressure) because it might offend someone too.

  3. I heard this third hand, but my source is pretty good: A representative from a black activist group (not NAACP) is pretty upset about the whole “lynching” look of the display. Apparently the sight of “colored” (I can’t think of a better way to phrase that) penisis (penii?) dangling from nooses is pretty creepy. My first reaction was to mock this as stupid knee-jerk overreaction, but then I thought…a display of circumcised penisis (penii?) placed in a mock-up of a Nazi oven would creep me out, so upon rethought, I’m on the unnamed activist group’s side that this display’s disgusting on a whole new level. I wanted to make a comment about how my eyes were opened by fucking a mile in another man’s condom, but decided not to, as it would be too gross for words.


Damn you Fenris. You have ruined my innocent pleasure in watching the Monkees.

Everytime I see Mike Nesmith, I now visualize dildos. <sniff>

Heh…now I’m picturing the theme song as done by animated dildoes:

“Here we cum
Walkin’ down the street…”


Thanks a lot, Fen.

:: Furiously scrubs brain::


Thank you sir. I tip my cap to you.


singular: Penis
plural (latin): Penes (John Steinbeck got it right in Grapes of Wrath
plural (engilsh) : Penises