The Great Father's Day Adirondack Chair Debacle

It was a beautiful night with a fabulous sunset. I’d just eaten a fantastic dinner of Escargot and a Big-Ass Ribeye, rare. I went out to the shop, cranked up the stereo to about 11 and pulled my trusty old Adirondack chair over near the door to enjoy the show. Had a huge, near liter sized Chilada in my right hand.

Fittingly, I had Temple of the Dog playing. The Killer Elite (my crew of four Dachshunds) got let out of the house and came dashing out to see me. First, the girls jump up on my lap and start jockeying for position. Then Ted comes up under the arm of the chair and wants up, too. I drag him up.

Poor Doxie, who can’t jump, is left standing there, feeing left out. I figured, “What the hell” and grabbed his collar and pulled him up, too. Really not enough room for the two small ones on my lap, now, I’m totally overloaded.

They squirm around and kick and paw, but eventually all manage to congeal into a stinky, 50 pound ball of hot love on my lap.

Then, right in the middle of Wooden Jesus, CRACK! The back legs of the Adirondack chair snap, flopping me to the ground, my back an almost perfect 45 degrees to the ground.

Doxie and Ted bailed out immediately. (Have I ever told you how sharp Ted’s claws are?) I had to evict the girls to attempt to extract myself from this broken chair.

I couldn’t get up! My feet were just barely touching the ground, and the arms of the chair were intact, so I couldn’t roll out and couldn’t stand up. I didn’t want to roll backwards, because I was in gravel and cheat-grass.

I almost never have my cell phone with me, but I did last night. I had to dig it out of my pocket and call my kid to come help me out of the chair! :smiley:

Didn’t spill a drop of the Chilada! :wink:

Glad to hear that you and the crew are okay. And especially the Chilada!

Tell me that kid had to memorialize your plight for Facebook. Or at least the immediate family. :smiley:

Hang on, what were you drinking?

To me, a chelada is beer (a lager) with tomato juice, hot sauce, and salt. AKA a redeye.

But you both spell it chilada.
Anyways, cheers!

I make a Chilada thus: Beer, Camaronazo http://camaronazo.com/ (good stuff!), maybe a little hot sauce and a shot or two of Tequila

Chairs! :wink:

As always, Ted! :skritches: to the crew. Glad everyone is ok. Dinner sounds delish. :smiley:

Since you didn’t spill any of your drink, I’d say it could be upgraded from debacle to mere fiasco.

Pictures or it didn’t happen!! :smiley:

Great storytelling, you painted a very vivid picture. I’m glad the worst injuries were to the chair, and your dignity! Your little dogs sound adorable.

I was lured in here by your snazzy thread title, and you did not disappoint. Well done. Well done, Senor Catfish!!

Hilarious, tragic chair pics here: bob smith | Flickr

That chair looks like it was indeed on its last leg(s). You can use those weathered boards to make a picture frame for cute pics of those adorable doggies! Does the beagle think he’s a dachshund or is he convinced he’s a superior species?

No beagle! Pure-breed Dachshund. He is third row, second left’s brother from the same litter. Check the pic again later. I’ll post a puppy photo of all three.

From bottom to top, that’s Trixie, Ted and Red Dog. Red Dog has his own family, Ted went away, but came back. Can you imagine someone NOT wanting him? :confused:

I stand corrected! So sorry. I’ve never seen a dachsie with that coloring. He is absolutely gorgeous, and sadly, I can imagine people who don’t want these becutiful, loving, smart, adorable creatures. :frowning:

Your desert setting lends itself to all kinds of photographic projects… I’m picturing the “Four Doggies of the Apocalypse” with a flaming red sunset in the background… Or maybe “The Magnificent Four”…

The chair looks like it’d seen better days anyway. Can’t see it being a debacle if your Chelada survived intact :wink:

I love to hear about dachshunds! I’m looking for one to fill the spot my beloved Nathan has left.

Well, it was a debacle because I had to call for help to get up. All because I wouldn’t roll over backwards into those dry weeds.

And most of the Chilada was already internalized, thus safe from spillage. I’m gonna work on another one in just a few minutes…

I had my wife check to see if either Doxie or Dixie’s lines are still active. Sadly, the answer is no. :frowning:

All ours are fixed up, or I’d brew you up one or two.

Of course, Ted is available for 5.7 million. :smiley: His sister, Trix, 12.9 million. No dice on the other 2.

Jeez, Dixie stinks.

Yeah. That chair was fucked-up! I’ll only repair it* two more times! *:smiley:

I’m laughing so hard right now, I nearly wet my pants! Just like last night, when the chair broke!

No, really, that chair is heading to the woodstove. Pic on that site I linked to earlier.

Hey now - I have right of first refusal on Ted! :mad:

So did you have the presence of mind to start the call saying this:
I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”?