Things I thought about in my goofy brain while under some kinda influence:
Why is there such a thing as black soap?
Why is my chair an arm-chair but it can’t hug me? Ok, I know, the arms of a chair are for my arms to sit on. But arms don’t really “sit”, now do they?
Plus I could use a hug.
When you get to the end, are you necessarily at the beginning of what’s next?
Why are tadpoles not called pre-frog babies? What are baby turtles called? Please tell me it’s cute like “shell-kittens”.
If I can’t speak and I taught my dog to speak using buttons is he less handicapped than me, even tho’ he’s a lower order mammal than me. Have I lost ground?
He actually talked to me while I was gone, my daughter texted me everything he said. I’m thinking we need a way for dogs to text us. Surely this is next on the horizon.
When you’re watching crappy TV and these ads to help the Elephants, the St. Jude kids, the poor Jewish people in Russia, ASPCA, whichever it always asks for $19 bucks a month. Who came up with that amount?
Do I really need to wash my bananas? I do. But do I need to?
There are people with Doctorates in this stuff. It all boils down to
a. $20 is serious, real money.
b. $19 is less real, but still close by association
c. It therefore feels like a sacrifice, but a cheap one that you can do to feel good about yourself
d. It obscures the fact that the suckers will be on the hook for $200+/year
My mother likes to tell the story about how, as a kid, she once saw a dark brown-black bar of soap at the neighbor’s house, labeled “Honey Flavor.” She secretly took a big bite, then instantly regretted it.
Only if there are no gaps. When you get to the end of one day, you are at the beginning of the next day. But when you get to the end of one book, you’re not at the beginning of the next one, unless you start the next one really fast.
Baby turtles are called “hatchlings”. Kinda cute, but not as cute as “shell-kittens”. I’m going to start using “shell-kittens”.
You only need to wash your bananas if you eat them without peeling them. Anything on the outside of the peel gets tossed when you remove the peel. BTW, did you know that rats love bananas?
There’s also people without doctorates in this stuff. That’s why every car on the car lot is advertised at $xx,999. Psychologically, it’s a lot less that $1 more.
In all seriousness, the work you’ve done with Bayliss – the mystery dog that appeared out of nowhere and who you adopted and taught to use those “talk” buttons – is amazing and commendable on several different levels. Your kindness to animals is truly a reflection of your character.
Rather less seriously, I was browsing the FluentPet™ site that sells those buttons and it claimed that you could also teach your cat to use them. It had a picture of a typical dog and a typical cat, and I took the liberty of captioning it, according to what seems to be the obvious expressions on those animals’ faces …
I saw a dog that learned sign-language just through usage in a deaf household, I always wanted to learn sign language but never have. So I was beaten in a life accomplishment by a dog and it wasn’t even close.
On my first visit to New Orleans I stopped in at a voodoo shop to get my kids some souvenirs. I got my daughter “anti-envy soap”. It was black. I had a priest bless it for a couple extra bucks. It was meant to allow her to be beautiful, but keep others from envying her beauty. I got my son a chicken foot that he swears brought him good luck right up to the day it started to stink.
Our dog Ella (RIP) loved to chase squirrels. If we said the word (squirrel) she would go bonkers, so we called them S.Q.s. Now if we refer to squirrels in the yard we still call them S.Q.s even though Ella is gone and the dogs we have do not know the word,
Rats! We have no bananas. We have no bananas today! 
