Ok, so my thread about russian roulette lottery style sucked ass. Here is a question that, I’m hoping, the teeming millions will find infinitely more interesting.
You’re out shopping by yourself at an outlet mall. After an hour or so of browsing, buying and bartering you’ve become quite hungry. In fact, you’re starving! You realize you haven’t eaten anything since that granola bar you had for breakfast. Then, the heavenly scents of a grilled burger drift into your nostrils knocking you flat (or if you aren’t a burger fan then whatever your favorite hand held cooked food happens to be). You purchase a burger (or whatever) with all the fixings, toss the wrapper away and take a huge heavenly bite. Then, it happens. It in this case is a bout of the runs. You can tell that if you don’t get to a toilet pronto that your fellow mall goers are going to be witness to a nasty pressure shit hose of gargantuan proportions. You’ve got to get to a restroom pronto or you will be arrested for public obscenity. Luckily there is a public restroom 10 feet away and you rush in burger in hand.
What do you do with the burger? Remember that you can’t rewrap it since you already threw the wrapper away. Do you take a crap while holding it in your hand? Do you finish it afterwards? Do you set it down somewhere? If so, where? Try to talk a stranger into holding it for you?
Public washrooms are usually disgusting. I would throw away the burger and get another one later.
Cultural point of reference:
On Seinfeld, even the BOOKS were marked as unfit after being in the washroom. There’s no way a burger is allowed in there.
The burger isn’t giving you the runs. Nothing wrong with the burger. It’s a perfect burger in fact. You just happen to be unfortunate enough to get the runs just as you took a bite.
Only last week, though, a woman at a McDonalds walked over to my table, plunked her just-started tray down, and said “I need to go to the bathroom. Can you watch this for me please?”
I was caught off-guard a little, I must admit. Her speech was very polite, so I tried to be gracious about it, although it was clear she assumed I would be okay with her leaving her partly-consumed food in front of me. (I know there’s no strong rational reason to be repulsed by this, so I tried to pretend I wasn’t.) I also felt obliged to be as accomodating as possible, since she extended an assumed trust to me that I wouldn’t give to a random stranger.
On the other hand, a couple of years ago, I was in a movie-theatre men’s room, and there was a queue situation. When the guy ahead of me finished up and turned away from the urinal, I saw that he had a damned sandwich in his hand. WTF? Did he do the whole operation one handed? Did he set his sandwhich down on top of the urinal? Stick it under his arm? What the hell? I wouldn’t take food into the very Platonic ideal of a bathroom, much less the filthy, smelly, sea-of-pee sort of a bog that this was. Yecch.
Do you take a crap while holding it in your hand? No way. Nothing ruins the flavor of a good burger while inhaling the aroma of a typical restroom (not that I can speak from experience, mind you).
Do you finish it afterwards? Probably not.
Do you set it down somewhere? Absolutely not.
Try to talk a stranger into holding it for you? Hell no (who knows where his hands have been or if he may have some communicable disease or illness.)
I think I would just stuff it into my mouth and just take my chances getting to the restroom at that point.
In the plant where I worked, every restroom had a stencil-painted sign. “No eating or drinking in the restroom,” it warned, and it referred to the OSHA regulation that covered it. Many of the men’s rooms had hand-lettered changes to the sign.
I wouldn’t eat food in a public restroom…although I have nibbled on other things…
And regarding the woman who asked that you watch her food at MickyD’s…
a friend of mine was at bar waiting for friends and asked some guy sitting next to her to watch her purse while she went to phone her friends on the pay phone (pre-cell phone days).
Sure enough, when she got back, the guy and her purse were gone.
But seriously dude…no burger is worth taking into a restroom. Especially a fast food burger.
I’d toss it. If you have the runs and then eat immediately after, you’re just begging for a return trip to the restroom. “starve the runs” is my motto…
You can’t get the runs if you have hardly anything in your stomach – which would be the case if you’re operating on a single granola bar since the morning.