I think I’ve discovered my problem: I’m a man. Because other than the snoring, you’ve described me to a T.
My then-live-in-girlfriend didn’t think she snored, either.
I took the time to search and make sure that there were no other posts regarding flatulence recently. Since there was, I decided to add my, er tidbits.
The other interesting fact of my new office chair is since I have to hold back the walls of Jericho, I often end up leaving for the day with rising pressure.
I have a 45 minute commute home.
Recently, there have been several times where I have opened my car door the next morning, only to be greeted by the odious remnants of yesterday’s lunch.
I assume that this morning will be no exception.
When I go to sell my car, I wonder what will happen? “Have you smoked in the vehicle?” “No, sir, but you might wish I had.”
Have you thought about harnessing all that methane and using it to power your car?
I found out that girls do in fact fart when I was wrestling with my girlfriend. The trick, my friends, is to keep on folding them up until no amount of straining can hold that sucker in. Of course, she got her revenge; in order to squeeze the fart out of her, I was positioned with my face next to her ass.
She was mortified notheless. Bizarrely, she married me anyway 
In what, rubber balloons?
I what amount of gas I emit in relation to bovines? I swear it’s equal. Which makes me proud, considering I only have one stomach to their four.
FartMan gave his notice and left the company, thankfully.
LOL this is the best thread i have read all day!
Somebody took an air shit in the elevator at work a couple of months ago and it got stuck in there, travelling from floor to floor. I walked in and although no one was there, stink was everywhere, even when I tried the other side of the car. When I got off, it got the lady walking in and I’m sure she thought it was mine. A little bit later on I ventured back down and still had to hold my breath all the way as the car remained humid with fart. It was one of the nastiest work biscuits ever.
If your reputation around work is anything like the one you have here, no amount of insistance that it wasn’t you would change that woman’s mind.
I’m glad we don’t have elevators here! (at work that is, there are in fact elevators in the city of San Diego.)
This wasn’t an actual commercial that aired on TV, was it?