Although I can’t seem to find the thread for the life of me, I am fairly certain that handy has mentioned that he is not, in fact, fluent in ASL. He was talking about taking a class in ASL because he was having trouble communicating with other deaf people. So while I understand that there is a distinct deaf culture, I kinda do feel sorry for him, because he is unable to communicate with most people. I have met handy IRL and we wrote out a pleasant conversation. He is kind of full of non sequitors, but if you ever try to have a real discussion with him, you might be surprised.
London_Calling
I just can’t get over how you’re arguing FOR a guy that was essentially molesting me because
What would you have to say about the guy if he was acting that way towards my 2 year old daughter?
And since when is “FRUSTRATION” a good excuse for inappropriate sexual behavior? Fuck, if I were a rapist, I’d hate to have you as my defense attorney. :rolleyes:
I can’t believe I actually feel the need to clarify this with you, but I do.
[ul]
[li]He only uses about five words (I’ve actually only heard two…more and no…mostly he just grunts and points), he’s found that those are the only ones he needs to get by. He understands what you are saying, but if you told him the sky was red, he wouldn’t question it.[/li]
[li]He doesn’t think about right and wrong on his own, he has to be told which is which and he forgets a lot. He has no idea what it means to do something inappropriate, only that someone told him it was “wrong.”[/li]
[li]He only learns things that are directly related to him getting what he wants on a basic level. The example I used before was his foot. The reason he learned to walk in the first place was because, like any child, he was motivated by want (that toy over there…I want it!). Currently, if they do surgery to repair his foot, he would have to be in a wheelchair until it healed sufficiently. The doctors think there is a huge chance that once he realized that he could move in a wheelchair, he wouldn’t bother to learn to walk again.[/li]
[li]Hi Opal![/li]
[li]I went to both my MIL and Husband and asked their opinions first. THEY told me that I had to confront it. In case you missed it before, my SIL is also retarded, though not as drastically. Soooooo, I should take your word over theirs?[/li]
[li]This is a 40yo man who requests that the closest available person wipes his ass after a shit, do you really think I humiliated him? Do you think he’s even capable of humiliation? Probably not.[/li][/ul]
I refuse to discuss this anymore with you. It’s just too mind-blowing that you would try to rationalize his actions. Sure he didn’t know better, but a quiet chat in the other room may have had worse consequences…for me.
Fuck!
Anthracite and bdgr, thank you.
Is this what you meant?
A’ight, a few things:
KKBattousai, those handy gems you posted aren’t unequivocally asshole-like. To read them as such requires that whole mind’s-ear addition of inflection that I mentioned. The first one could be matter of fact. The second, a joke not necessarily at the addressee’s expense. I got no lit-crit alternate analysis for the third one, which does seem pretty jerky to me, but that doesn’t detract from the point I’ve (clumsily) been trying to make.
I’m not apologizing for him, or demanding that he be coddled like a damned puppy, as it seems Sue thinks I am (as an aside, in the name of perfect clarity, Sue, I think you’re aces, I just disagree with what you’re saying on this point). I was offering an alternate point of view on handy’s meaning. Not the alternate point of view. I don’t want to be his interpreter. I do want folks to maybe cut the guy some slack on his general posting style, for reasons that JTR and London_Calling expressed far better than I.
And speaking of London_Calling: I gotta disagree with your assessment of Sue’s encounter with her husband’s cousin. Let me tell you, if I were a woman, and a big, unpredictable, poorly socialized guy rubbed his dick against me, you bet I’d want to put an end to that shit as quickly and decisively as possible. Hell, now that I think about it, let’s not even stipulate my womanhood. I’d be fairly concerned for my virtue, ceteris freakin’ paribus. As for shaming the guy, well, shame is pretty much how we teach people social mores, innit? But that’s a whole other debate.
I would submit to Sue, however, that perhaps even considering the larger point you were trying to make, the comparison of handy’s deafness informing his non-sequitur posting style, and Mr. Duhnym’s cousin’s mental retardation informing his inappropriate sexual behavior was a little bit insulting.
I’m sorry Lux, I didn’t mean to single you out. I meant that as a general rule (I was actually resonding to Falcon’s quote (“If it was any other person…”)
You are correct and again, my husband’s cousin was just an aside to Falcon that hijacked the OP terribly (Sorry Monfort!).
I was actually using my SIL to illustrate the point that people we label as “handicapped” sometimes use our perceptions for their own good.
I was trying to emphasize that handy needs to be told that his posting style is unacceptable and he should try to adapt to this society he has voluntarily joined, rather than resort to the “I’m deaf, poor me!” attitude that he falls back on when criticized. (How’s THAT for a run-on sentence?!)
Um…so THERE!
Sue, I’d like to thank and commend you for actually taking the time to slog through and respond to that run-on, comma-laden post. I had to pause a few times for breath just rereading the damned thing in my head.
One thing still bugs me:
I feel you, but by that specific example, you’re sort of indirectly ascribing to handy the capacity for manipulation shown by a man with the self-absorbed mind of a toddler. I just think the point could have been made more respectfully; perhaps if you’d pulled up instances of handy himself trying to manipulate people like that.
Hah. Amateur.
Sue, at the risk of provoking your ire, my initial reaction to your post was the same as London Calling’s. I say this with no intent to offend you.
I think that this is probably down to the inherent ambiguity of typed conversation - it’s possible to visualise your description of the person as being a big, shy, disabled person with severe relational difficulties, where you’re trying to describe a hulking, sinister and domineering person with dangerous tendencies. A person who receives the first impression would find your actions fairly nasty. A person who sees the second would find your actions totally justified.
If you see what I mean
Okay, Lux, I’ll grudgingly concede that I may have been adding intonation where there was none intended. On the other hand, one thing that got me particularly pissed was that a reply to the thread in which the third quote was posted asked what it is about the Internet that makes people so mean. That post included, IIRC, that line of handy’s, and the person posting was obviously offended. Granted, nobody here is obligated to apologize for offending anybody (indeed, if that were so, the boards would be filled to the brim with apologies, probably even if one did exclude the pit), but I’m tempted to say that most of us would have seen where the line could have been seen as decisively derisive and asshole-ish and apologized. handy did not. (Though, OTOH, handy didn’t post to that thread again, so there’s no way of telling if he ever read it again. OTOOH, you don’t get to the number of posts he has by not rereading threads, and given the fact that it was a computer related thread - one of handy’s favorite kinds - the odds are that he did.)
And, Lux, for the record, that’s not the handy quote I wanted lit crit analysis for anyway. That would be the aforementioned fourth quote that still makes absolutely no sense to me. handy tried explaining it, but his response was barely less cryptic than his original post. Oh god, the agitation! 
And speaking of agitation, yes, dropzone, that is what I meant.
Thanks, Gary. Yes it is difficult. Nuff said.
Sorry, I disagree. Evan with the first scenario, it comes down to whether or not he is capable of learning that that is inapropriate behavior. He clearly is, so the unacceptability of his actions must be made clear to him. Often, people will make exceptions for disabled people because they assume that they can’t help themselves, when in reality, they can. If he were unable to understand what she was saying, then he would have continued what he was doing. I imagine its not the first time he had done this, and he should have been corrected before, but that is not Sue’s fault.
Just because it was brought up originally, it looks like the Gualladet murders have been solved.
I’d just like to say that just because someone is mentally disabled doesn’t mean that he is not also a grown man, sexual wants and needs and all. We have no idea what Sues situation entailed, except what could be interpreted by her post, and I stand by her actions 100%. I have a brother in law who is mentally disabled, and I hate being alone with him. It’s not because he’s mentally disabled, it’s because he stares, unblinking at me. For a long, long time. Up close. If I’m wearing shorts, he’s staring at my ass and legs. If it’s a tank top, he won’t take his eyes off my tits. Frankly, it’s an extremely uncomfortable situation to be in. Over time I believe people got tired of telling him to stop staring, and now he thinks it is OK. I have calmly told him to stop, letting him know it makes me uncomfortable, but it does no good.
Let me just tell you, when you are 5’4" and not strong, and a much bigger, stronger man is leering at you for hours and/or hugging/groping you, your defenses go up big time. It’s a very hard thing to deal with. Reserve judgement until you are in a similar position.
Zette
[hijack of praise]
I am truly impressed. This by far one your best replies of wit 
[/hijack of praise]
I give up. handy has no intentions of coming in here, and this thread’s been hijacked enough.
I believe that I, and several others, have aired our complaints about handy in a sufficient manner. His refusal to acknowledge them in here renders this thread with no useful purpose, in my eyes.
Would a mod please come in here and lock this baby up?
Thank GOD!
Sorry about the hijacking.
No, don’t be sorry. It was your hijack (btw, you did the right thing) that kept this thread on the first page for handy to see for a few days.