I’ve had it up to here with the promos for the Hitler Channel’s upccoming “documentary” on “Ben Franklin: Inventor. Patriot. Playboy.”
First there’s the commercials, showing Ben in the back of a stretch limo being cuddled by half-nekkid cuties. Then today’s NYTimes has a four-page ad for the special, opening and closing with images of Ben with, yes, half-nekkid cuties (“Ben Franklin Left His Electricity On”).
OK, I have given up on the Discovery and Learning Channels, and A&E, and the late, lamented AMC. But now The Hitler Channel is going to treat us to the Ben Franklin/Paris Hilton sex tapes?
I’ve just been getting into “Band of Brothers” this week, and I feel you on the Ben Franklin commercials. Once every other break is plenty, but they do it TWICE every break!! I was considering watching it, but I’m so turned off by the constant plugging, that I think I’ll skip it.
There’s another commercial they run every single break, but thankfully it’s slipping my mind right now. I suppose I’ll find out tonight when I watch Easy Company make a move on the Eagle’s Nest and find out how this war turns out.
There is no way I am going to watch this special, as interested as I am in Franklin. I hate “dramatic re-creations,” featuring out-of-work summer-stock actors in inaccurate costumes, going, “A kite? In a lightning storm?”
But this is apparently going to be, “Ohhhh, Ben, you big ol’ bear, you, c’mere,” says Martha Washington . . . As played by Paris Hilton . . .
Another irritation: one of the ads features Franklin in said lightning storm and
1- he’s old
2- his hair and clothing are the $100 bill Franklin do
Franklin was only in his forties when he performed that experiment (which even in the 18th century wasn’t “old”- in fact, it was in many ways considered younger than 40 something is today) and the clothing is not accurate (plus he didn’t start wearing his hair in a mullet until old age- it was a fashion choice that he deliberately chose to add to his “American mystique”- prior to old age, even in portraits, he wore conventional powdered wigs or ponytails).
And YES, it’s a matter of historical record that Franklin had an active sex life. However, some might consider the fact that he was an uneducated (in the formal sense) man who
1- became incredibly wealthy through wit and excellent business sense
2- conceived and implemented the first lending library in America
3- was a brilliant scientist (even though uneducated- he was actually most famous outside of the U.S. for his science experiments
4- was a political player who could have run circles around Machiavelli
5- had incredibly progressive views on women’s rights, slavery*, religion, education, postal organizations, technology, etc.
to have been almost as interesting as the fact he got a lot of powdered French ass.
*Yes, I know he was a slaveowner, but he freed his slaves as a matter of consciousness and made constant pleas for his son-in-law to do likewise, and he headed the first abolition society in North America
I started getting really sick of the History Channel when they had a special in which they were the first people in thousands of years to enter a newly discovered pharaonic burial chamber near the pyramids. Rather than discuss the life and times of this particular king or daily life in Egypt under his rule or Egyptian funerary rights, they discussed- you guessed it- “Did UFOs build the pyramids?” and the prophecies of Edgar Fookin’ Cayce. The Arab archaeologist was politely telling the commentators “bitch please!” regarding the mystical crap.
Writers often give copy to the kite experiment without mentioning the fact that the work was an effort to create a clitoral stimulation machine that connected wires to a stormy, high point into a house of seduction. Teams of artists often sketched Ben frantically while they watched him work the women and painted in the details later. The scene in the limousine is merely a modern day recreation of his escapades in a stretch carriage. The fact that porn producers still use this setting today testifies to his genius. Kudos to the History Channel for getting it right for once and thumbs down to the revisionist history snobs who want to downplay one of the biggest contributors to modern day porn films into other things that are of questionable usefulness.
That’s exactly what was meant. I’ve seen the HC called the Hitler Channel numerous times. Mostly because it seems like their regular programming is all about the Third Reich.
and let us not forget about Franklin’s further experiments with batteries (he was responsible for designating + and - to indicate voltage) and leyden jars. Without Ben’s early work in electricity, we might be now using steam powered dildoes and watching television by candlelight.
“Honey, stoke up the boiler, I’m feeling randy tonight!”
As for actual contribs, to the thread, my wife’s boss was asked to speak to the kids our son’s school on career day. He’s one of those guys who’s sure he’s right about everything no matter what reality happens to be. One of the “facts” he regaled the kids with was, “Benjamin Franklin invented the electric light bulb.”
Bet that teacher had some ‘splainin’ to do after he left.
