The "Homer Simpson" effect

In My Humble Opinion
1

I am a new first time daddy (2.5months ago). And I amazed to experience what I dub the “Homer Simpson” effect.

Invariably when I mention I am a new daddy I get the question:

“Thats nice. do you help out?”

Uh, what? Do I help? Help raise my kid?

If I am with my wife and the same subject comes up the questioner turns to her with:

“does he help?” or “Does he change diapers?” and my fav “Does he babysit?”

Hello! Im standing RIGHT freaking here! Babysit? Why is it babysitting when the Dad does it, but considered “raising a child” when a Mom does it?

And what sucks the most is that once the question is asked I am now forced to defend myself against something I haven’t done, or do, or whatever the tense! And there is no good way to defend against this anyway! What do I say, " I do my share."? That then leaves it up to them to decide what a mans share is…and evident by the fact they asked the question, the mans share aint shit.

Worse, is when my wife has to freakin defend me! “Oh hes a great daddy!” “He’s involved”. While she is trying to defend me, it sounds like im freakin idiot doing the best hes capable of! “Oh, Dob, hes come such a long way…hes so articulate!”

I never thought I would EVER say such a thing…but I blame the freaking media! The continual portrayal of the Dad as the bumbling idiot, ala Homer Simpson, is so commonplace it is not even remarked on anymore. It is so pervasive that it seems everyone just expects the Dad to be a lazy couch potato, who runs from dirty diapers, sleeps through mid-night feedings, and lets his kid run with scissors!

Maybe I should have put this in the pit…

2

We’ve had a few threads about this in the past, as I remember, so you can’t be the only Doper to have experienced this. It sounds infuriating.

By the way, Dob, you’re so well-spoken!

3

I agree. I hate when women say they are going to has their husbands (or baby daddy) to baby sit. You do not baby sit your own child!

4

Dangit…double post! Can a mod delete the one with no responses?

5

I hate to blow my own horn but I know exactly what you mean.

:smiley:

6

Ugh! That sounds very frustrating.

Maybe you or your wife could say something like “We’re equal partners,” or “We both in this together.”

It’d work even better if you can pull off the Miss-Manners “What could you possibly mean by that?” shocked expression. :slight_smile:

(My husband says that if we ever have kids, he’d be willing to be a SAHD, which is good, because I’m indifferent toward children, at best. So if anybody asked that, I’d probably just snort, and say, “Help out? He raises them. I just bring home a paycheck, mow the lawn, and take out the trash.”)

7

:slight_smile:

Thanks! got a good laugh there!

8

I don’t think it has anything to do with Homer Simpson. It’s just that traditionally, the woman takes care of the young kids, and the father stays generally uninvolved in their day to day care…you know, the idea was that it was the woman’s responsibility to feed the baby, clothe the baby, show the baby affection, etc.

These societal expectations are changing, but they still exist to some extent. That’s why it’s considered noteworthy that you help your wife out in taking care of the kid.

9

I agree (3 months new daddy here). I’m constantly asked stupid questions like “Oh, do you keep an eye on him when Mrs Labtrash is out?” No, I just put him halfway up the stairs and leave him there till she gets back so he won’t bug me while I smoke crack & shoot heroin in the living room.

10

I try to respond to these questions with the most Homer-like response I can come up with. The trick is to appear sincere - that really throws 'em.

Q: Does he babysit?
A: Not since the last emergency room visit. Who ever heard of a peanut allergy?!

Q; Does he change diapers?
A: Who needs diapers? Just let them run around in the yard naked with the dog, and the problem solves itself!

11

I know what you mean, and I get the same questions from time to time. Oddly, some friends I know demonstrate the real-life resaons why these questions must be asked. The father in the relationship is incredibly uninvolved with raising his child. He actually gave his wife “baby-sitting” certificates for mother’s day.

I had the same reaction as you: “When you’re the father, it’s not baby-sitting, doofus.” You’re giving the rest of us a bad name.

12

I still think that men really and truly doing an equal share with babies and kids is the exception rather than the rule. runs and hides

But seriously, I’m thinking of all of the people I know with kids and of course, my parents and their friends, etc. I know of one guy with custody of his daughter and another who has joint custody. Other than that, I’ve rarely seen guys pick up the slack with their kids or play an equal role in the “dirty work.”

Maybe I just know a bunch of deadbeats. :wink:

13

Let me just say that I thought it was interesting to see a thread titled The “Homer Simpson” effect by a poster with a name only one letter removed from “Doh”.

14

Oh I love this. My husband jumped in with both feet. We call Kate’s poopy diapers “presents for Daddy.” Saturday is Daddy Day. I get all those questions and more. And actually told someone I didn’t consider it babysitting when he was with her.

It is kind of odd the duality isn’t it? No one asks me if I baby sit her while dad works, but lots ask if dad babysits while I work.

The current Walmart commercial irks me to no end. “If it’s on Mom’s list…” BAH.

Keep being good fathers guys. Please. Look at the bright side, we get it way worse, just in different ways. I wish I could score points for changing a diaper, instead of losing points for not leaving my 8 month old with a babysitter.

15

I actually agree. My wife does more of the Child caring then I do.
This happens for several reasons.
She works very close to home, I work 40 miles away.
I am a no good typical shiftless husband.
I do the maintenance around the house and yard.
I do the dishes and wash and a larger part of the cleaning.
Did I mention I am a typical shiftless husband?

As far as the dirty work, on the poopy work, she did the lions share of. The much simpler, clean them and bath them we share. Cleaning their rooms, all me. My wife also does the brushing of hair, I am clueless on this in a way that only a husband can be truly clueless.

Jim

16

It has to pre-date Homer by decades - shit, it may date back to before the other Homer - but given the way the Simpsons always lose track of Maggie, he’s a good name to attach to this perception.

17

:smiley: :smiley:

18

And let me say posting such an observation by someone named FatBaldGuy is also interesting! As Home is a fat bald guy…

Nice rant btw Quicksilver! Every dad should check that out!

19

Gotta agree that people don’t give dad’s credit.
But it’s been going on long before Homer Simpson.
Lucy and Ricky Rickardo had the same jokes.
At least back to the 20’s talkie movies that I recall.
Don’t remember any silent movies on the topic, so maybe women did do all the kid’s nappies in those days.

20

In an early episode of “Roseanne,” someone asks her how she got her husband Dan to babysit their three children.

“Babysit, hell. They’re his kids too.”