“It’s just handy to fuck your best friend.” I don’t know whether John Lennon actually said it, but I can agree with the sentiment.
I’ve had times where insecurity made a best friend and lover thing turn into a shrinking pool of dependence, but the insecurity might mean that the relationships weren’t that strong to begin with. More likely the two of us weren’t that secure to begin with.
I don’t know that I’ve ever had an “Ideal Relationship,” but I’m in the second relationship that makes me happy.
We make each other laugh. A lot. We have a similarly misguided and warped sense of humor. He loves to touch me, even if it’s just fingertips across the sofa. He is thoughtful without being told to be thoughtful; he does things for me that he takes for granted, without assuming I will notice/thank him. He takes me seriously but he isn’t afraid of me. He makes me double-check my opinions. I make him double-check his opinions. He loves to hug me. He puts up with the fact that I am obsessed with tickling him, even though he kinda really hates it.
He gets on my nerves and I’m OK with it; I get on his nerves and he’s OK with it. I’m a reformed slob and he’s a reformed OCD-er. I can look at him across the room and without saying anything he knows what I’m thinking. He isn’t afraid to express his affection publicly, but he isn’t jealous or obsessed. We have our own silly language. He loves my Terrible Awful Cat more than I do.
I wish he was more open to expressing himself–I wish he would share more with me without me prodding him–but when I do he doesn’t hold anything back. I wish he talked more; I’m sure he wishes that I talked less.
But he has a way of looking at me, particularly when he doesn’t think I’m paying attention, that makes me melt. And realize how lucky I am.
I don’t know anything about ideal relationships. I’ve never had one, AFAIK.
But it’s ideal for me, at this moment, and perhaps forever, and that’s all you can really hope for.
I’ve always thought Depeche Mode summed it up best in Somebody
Many love songs talk about some type of idealised love that would be difficult or impossible to achieve but this is like a succinct list for an ideal partner.
He’s lousy.
How YOU doin’, sweetpea?
Pretty much what olives said, plus- I want someone who makes me feel safe, but doesn’t allow me to be too complacent- I think I read in an Anne Lammott book, paraphrased- “Loves me the way I am, but loves me too much to allow me to stay that way”. Not in a controlling, annoying way, but in a mutually supportive attempt to both be better people.
It sounds really great to think about someone who’d cater to me, not do anything annoying, and put up with my bullshit, but it would be terrible for me.
A relationship is ideal when the needs and expectations of both partners as well as their ability/tendency to meet those needs and expectations are in perfect allignment.
For example, in an ideal relationship both partners would have identical sex drives. They would both like the same amount of “togetherness” and need the same amount of personal space. Both partners would be matched in terms of how much of a sense of humor they appreciate, and in how clean they like their living space. They would either both be morning people or night people. They would like to go out with the same frequency. They would be intellectual peers, and both have the same level of devotion to their vocations/careers (I’m counting “homemaker” as a vocation here, as well). They would each like the same number of children (somewhere between 0 - 20, presumably) and agree at all times on how any children should be brought up.
Neither of them would snore.
There would never be any friction in the ideal relationship and it would likely be boring as hell, but very secure. Also, there would be no make-up sex.
My current relationship is pretty close. If we had more cash (collectively), I certainly couldn’t find any other fault with it as it stands.
ahaha I love it, I gotta move to the south! 
tdn, com’on over, that is, if you can get through the snow…
I love that quote, and completely agree with the message. The one you love should always be willing to push you to be a better you. And the flaws in any relationship certainly make life more invigorating. I believe that when you have to fight and work hard for something, you appreciate it more and take it for granted less.
Emotional intimacy when I want it and not when I don’t; physical intimacy mutually desired; light, easy touch between us in terms of emotional weight. Perpetual honeymoons, each with an individual life that provides validation so we’re not seeking it solely from each other and instead can just encourage one another. True mental connection with brutal honestly coupled with genuine caring.
In other words, a fantasy. LOL