Sorry; since we’re not in the Pit I’ll mostly have to let the reader fill in the blanks.
All I can say is that getting the message that your parents are Not On Your Side hurts like few things can. Parents can and must correct their children, direct them, make decisions for them, teach them to accept no and to say no… but always the child should know that their parents are on their side, that even if you disagree, whatever your parents are choosing that you disagree with, they’re choosing it because they sincerely think it’s best for you.
The reality of the situation has nothing to do with my response. I am responding to people, posters here and maybe also the principals in the incident, who want blood just because it is in their nature to want blood as “closure”, a euphemism for revenge. Firing or imprisoning anybody is not going to undo anything that has already occurred.
Yes, it’s clearly projection to believe that those who commit a violent crime should be prosecuted. I hope no small children (who are unable to protect themselves) look to you for any sort of protection, if your reaction to assault is " get over it. "
“Freudian projection”, a defense mechanism in which one attributes to others one’s own unacceptable or unwanted attributes, thoughts, or emotions. Revenge would certainly qualify as unacceptable.
No crimes? Absolutely zero? Of courses not. A system of justice is supposed to sort that out. But I have a funny idea about justice. I think of it as being a sort of a blend of retribution and compassion for the accused, rather than just blank check revenge.
I’ve known some people who were offenders. I used to work with them. Many, maybe most, were pretty decent people. Our system of “justice” destroyed their lives forever, but their victims got over it and moved on. Read that sentence again. Our system of “justice” destroyed their lives forever, but their victims got over it and moved on. Where’s the justice?
PackerMan, I don’t want to be unkind, but this bothers me. Parenting doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your entire self. But it does mean that when your kid needs you, your kid comes first. I’m sure it was difficult to view. But let’s say you were out with your kid and they were in a terrible accident of some sort - let’s say they were howling in pain from a compound fracture and you could see their leg bone sticking out.
It might take a while for the ambulance to arrive, and meanwhile your kid is terrified and in agony. This would have to be an incredibly difficult thing for a parent to view. So, do you think that anyone who believes you should stay with your child and hold their hand is a “sadist”?
Sometimes being a good parent means caring more about your child’s suffering than your own. Even if that is really, really hard. I’m glad you watched the video, and I do feel sorry that it caused you pain, but I can’t understand how you can defend the choice not to look at it.
Given the information presented so far (the video shows the aide to be clearly guilty with nothing that could reasonably constitute extenuating circumstances and is only sorry that she got caught), the compassion “blend” in this case should follow a homeopathic recipe.
Yesterday I was tempted to post that your responses/posts overall had struck me as very reasonable and understandable. This last bit kinda struck me as over-the-top.
One of my 3 kids had a spectrum-related (I dislike that term) IEP, and we experienced our share of child-rearling stresses with all 3. Likely nothing we experienced was quite as severe as your situation. And I have often wondered when I hear of people - for example - whose child was murdered/kidnapped, and who seem to make that event a/the significant feature of the rest of their lives. But never having been in that situation, I try not to judge.
Just saying, given how you describe your kid, he and you are going to face a number of challenges over the years. I’m not diminishing how wrongly this aide acted, but suggest you figure out how to keep such events from overly coloring all aspects of your life/being/perceptions.
Dude. You only watched it. Your son lived the experience, felt the pain & fear himself. You only saw pixels moving across the screen; nobody smacked your head.
I’m glad you finally sacked up & watched the damn thing, so you can initiate the necessary steps for removing that person from working with children … but the statement you made reminded me of that Nassar “doctor” who sexually assaulted hundreds of gymnasts for years, then whined about having to sit through their impact statements for a couple of days.
Why did you accuse us of being sadists? None of us were imploring you to watch the video because we enjoy watching violence and thought you’d have fun viewing it, ferchrissakes.
The detective is the only person who’s looking out for YOUR kiddo, and that really bothers me.
Now that you have seen the video, do you still think there was a chance your son was the one at fault? That is why I wanted you to view the video-to erase that rationalization/excuse for not backing your own son.
This is freaking me out because literally every point in it could have been written from me. First grader, behavioral issues, several schools, EBD classroom. And struck by a bus aide this week. It is so hauntingly similar I wonder if I wrote it myself under a new account name and had a stroke and forgot.
My boy already had issues with this aide and the school was looking at transfering him or putting my son on a different bus, but that would suck because it would be a longer ride home. But after the incident this week I think it’s more likely the aide is fired (my preference) and they simply hire somebody else. Before the incident I did not want the guy fired but he clearly should not be working with kids, and I understand that there has been a series of escalating incidents with this guy.
Anyway, I feel you Packer Man. I’m right here in the boat next to you with my own paddle. Hope you get this resolved.