http://www.macjams.com/song/70671
So I took a stab at writing a comedy song, tell me what you think. Don’t hold back, but I won’t be able to respond much to technical questions. I just threw this thing together for laughs.
Horrible, the guy going La La La was like nails on a chalk board.
The lyrics were too over the top to count as satire, and there was nothing clever about them at all.
Stan Freberg has nothing to worry about.
Sweet.
I wouldn’t say it’s horrible, but I wouldn’t quit your day job, either.
Tune isn’t catchy, lyrics aren’t very clever and the message is simplistic.
I guess I’m a much more lenient critic than the others, because I thought the tune was rather pleasant, in its low-key, bouncy, little way. No comment on the lyrics, as I confess I didn’t follow them closely. But for the music - not bad for a first try. Try mixing it up a little more next time.
I thought it was cute and well done.
I liked it. I liked the spoken asides like “congressmen don’t come cheap, y’know”.
Pleasant enough melody, and you didn’t use near-rhymes (which I hate!). The only glaring off-rhythm was “In the cold air,” and maybe “What really is your message?,” which you could change to “What is your message, really?” I think you need some more outright jokes in it, also. But don’t quit now!
(And if you message me your e-mail, I’ll send you some of the songs I’ve been writing for the Occupy movement.
Here’s a contrafactum:
THE 99 (“Route 66”–Nat King Cole and about a zillion others)
COPYRIGHT O 2011 by Sam A. Robrin or whoever the hell it is who writes these things. Go ahead and use it (hey, I lifted the melody), but if you make a little money on it, I want some!
Watch the Occupy movement expand
From Wall Street’s
To all streets
Through the land.
Draw the line!
We’re The 99.
It’s begun,
And it won’t stop till it’s done,
Out of the many standing up against the 1.
Draw the line!
We’re The 99.
From New York to Alaska,
Texas and Nebraska,
San Francisco, LA,
Santa Barbara, Cruz, and Fe,
Ohio, Oklahoma,
Seattle and Tacoma,
North and South Dakota,
Utah, Minnesota,
Denver, Dover--
Statism is over!
So get smart--
Open up your eyes and heart.
Occupy for a new U.S. to start.
Draw the line!
We're *The* 99.
So get wise--
Open up your heart and eyes.
Join the crowd that loudly Occupies!
Draw the line!
We're *The* 99.
Draw the line!
We're *The* 99.
Draw the line!
We're *The* 99.
And, what the hell, here’s an original (with my own invented notation system, I hate to have to tell you…):
OCCU-PIE IN THE FACE
COPYRIGHT S 2011 by Sam A. Robrin or whoever the hell it is who writes these things. Go ahead and use it, but if you make a little money on it, I want some!
verses: CDEEEEFEDCACC / CDEEEEFEDCD / CDEEEEFEDCACD / CAGGBCDDCBC / chorus: CDEEEEFEDCACD / DCDEEEEFEDBC
The economy’s been ruined by financial folk
Who are impervious to shame for their disgrace.
Reasoned discourse hasn’t worked to free us from their yoke,
So it’s time to occu-pie them in the face.
[SIZE=2]CHORUS:[/SIZE]
Though they
Knock you,
Block you,
Taser-shock you,
Occupy
This crock to pie
The octopi
Who run the place.
They keep taxing, fining, feeing folks to benefit
All the rats who’d like to make us run their race.
Time to show them with our NO we’re taking no more shit,
And we’ll occu-pie the robbers in the face.
CHORUS
The surge of blue-serge cowards serve just them, not us
With their tin-badge-blessed clubs and guns and Mace.
Seal the deal–Oh, how they’ll squeal!–to feel E Pluribus
Occu-pie the porky piggies in the face.
CHORUS