Hence getting explicit approval. Don’t argue. If you have to leave a letter then do that, but getting him to listen to you for a moment and not letting him respond is better.
"I do love you, and I do love her. She is your daughter and I accept that, but all three of us have to live here, and more importantly, she’s running around like a little brat.
"I want to be able to be a mother to her, and to make sure that she can grow up into a decent adult who isn’t going to find herself in a predicament one day because she’s never learned that she can’t go out or do whatever she wants, because Mom said. And I don’t want her to be running out getting drunk and partying with any guy that will scare us because she wants to bribe us into continuing giving her gifts even though she’s still being a demon.
"And I need to be able to be comfortable living in my own home with her. Right now I can’t go anywhere with you because I am afraid what she’ll do or say to someone. Sure it’s just her being cute to you, but to everyone around us she’s being a awful brat. And since I’m not her divorced dad with his sole offspring, I have to sit there watching as people stare at us and knowing what they’re thinking. I’m perfectly fine to take a poll of everyone we meet if you don’t believe that, but everyone who meets her thinks that your daughter is a brat.
"And as an adult I need to feel comfortable that I’m doing my best by your daughter. Losing my self respect so that I can stay with you and love you just isn’t something I want to have to do. I don’t want to have to ignore my feelings of what is right or wrong when it comes to her. I need to feel like I’m doing my part to be an adult in the world, teaching responsibility to her.
"So I’m not really saying this to ask, though I won’t do anything. I’ll entirely ignore her when she is here, until you give me permission, but as soon as you do that I am going to establish house rules for when she is with me. If I’m not there that’s up to you, but when I am there she must abide by my rules. And if you approve, you’re going to have to let me enforce those. I won’t hit her or abuse her, and I won’t do anything that upsets you, but I am not going to let her get away with continuing to walk over everyone we meet, including me or you.
“So I love you. I love her. And I hope that you will let me be part of your family. But otherwise we’ve got a problem, and you’re going to have to decide what you want to do about that.”