The Kids in the Hall Nostalgia Thread

Cafe Society
1

“Some people think I got the power 'cause I got the monkeys. Uh-uh. I got the power 'cause I’ll let the monkeys loose.”

“Sausages!”

“What do you go home to?”
"My wife. My daughter. My rooster. "

“I’m sorry I caused all that cancer.”

“No, no. Let that one go, Francois. He has spirit.”

“…but, brown stuff, Dan!”

“This one time, I spilled some Husk Musk on my science project, and I got an A.”

“You were the sole furvivor of a 15 minute delay!”

“I sell shoes! Thank you, Satan!!!”

“I’m sure our great leader has a plan.”
“I’m sure our great leader is some kind of twisted ass freak.”

“No! The beard stays, you go!”

These are just a few that come to mind when Flup and I get into our KitH appreciation phase, which is almost as often as we share random Star Wars trivia. So please, share with the rest of the TM your favorite Kids in the Hall memories

Bye the way, God is dead, and he was very small.

2

“Daddy drank.”

Almost any Gavin quote, but especially
“So I suppose you want me to paint your chair.”

“Remember people, do not fear the evil that surrounds you. Do not avoid the hounds of hell. Do not avoid the beasts of brimstone. Do not avoid the puppies of purgatory. You must always embrace the hellfire, hellfire, hellfire. Thank you! Goodnight! If you haven’t already, please call you mom.”

“Temp.” “Slut.” “Temp-Slut.”

“Big Bats!”

3

“I squish your head!”

4

Girl-Drink Drunk!

Who controls the oil companies…? Satan!!!

5

“We’re idea men. We profit from the idea that we own the deed to your underwear.”

“It’s a SWASTIKA!”
“Well, now that you mention it, it does look a bit like a swastika…”
“It looks EXACTLY like a swastika!”
“Um, will this be a problem…?”
“Of course it’s a problem! I have a symbol of hate on my stomach!”

This.

6

“He’s BI!!!”

“And thennn, I put a dime on his navel and it stuuuck. D’you know why? 'cause he was sweeeaty.”

“No Hecubus, no chequbus”

“I’m just so full of beans today, Kathy.”

(through a puppet)“Do yu vant tu ave sexual intercourse wiz zis ladee?”

7

Two words:

MY PEN!

:smiley:

8

a whole lot of Milka

9

oh, oh, I have another…

“Gays have been having virtual sex for years.”

10

If my head were veal – and I know that it is not – but, if my head were veal, how much would it be worth?

I’m a bad doctor.

I’m Jenny Sizzler and this is my sister…Jenny Sizzler!

An open letter to the man who tole Bruce’s bike wheel…

Lesbians are so great. They get so much done in a day.

We work in silence! We shovel fuel!

I don’t want it now, I want it fifteen minutes ago. (And I never got my water.)

I’m Nutty Bunny Number One, I like to play and have fun.

Good eeevening, and welcome to the Pit of Penultimate Darkness…aparrently someone’s just opened a pit that’s slightly darker than this one.

But first – the whores!

11

I wanted to add a message to this thread, but I just can’t stop thinking about Tony. Where he is, what he is doing, who he is with, what is he thinking of, is he thinking of me?

12

“Not now, Murray! Not NOW, Murray! NOT NOW, MURRAY!”

“Not the look, Theresa!”

“The jury.”
“What about it?”
“It’s made up entirely of my ex-girlfriends.”

“Re-VENGE!” (said by a tarantula)

“How much better is the Gimmel 100 than the Gimmel 80?”
(Pause)
“Well, 20!”

“Steal a car.”
“I already have a car.”
“STEAL A CAR!”

“Europe is very exhausting. Everything’s at the top of a hill.”

Chicken Lady: “Doctors said he was scarred. Scarred for life!”

“Let’s built a rocketship and find our own planet. I’m serious.”

::Whew::  That's all I can think of.  I'm just going to go the balcony and see if I can't fly or whatever.
13

"Pop cans - money!
Office - Submarine!

Have I mentioned that the imagination is a dying animal?"

14

“Don’t put salt in your eye!”

“Do you know how to sharpen an axe?”

(The guy trying to get rid of the chocolate bar sketch)
“IIIIIITTTTTTTTT’SSSSSSS MMMIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEEE”

“Its your own pet porage!”
“I think it likes me!”

15

I love that show!

My faves- the stray businssman sketch
“You brought home a businessman?!”
“He answers to the name Mr. Stevenson.”

“Remember the short order cook you brought home last time? He stayed up all night making toast. I’m still making toast soup!”
“Mom, you know I love your toast soup.”

“Mom! Mom! Mooom! Mom! Mr. Stevenson’s off his martinis!”

“Maybe one day I’ll get a job in your company.”

“I’m cutting you!”

“Oh my god, I was just thinking about you!”
“Somebody call an exorcist!”

16

“I can’t seee you!”

“Eeeeeeeliminator!”

“Thirty Helens agree…”

“Jerry!”
“Jerry!”

“Damnit, are you gay again?”

“There were only a few flipper babies!”

17

“Now that I own it, Dan, let’s say I see it.”

“Could we make it in the Galapagos? 'Cause I haven’t got a clue what to do with them islands.”

“That’s not just a man, son. That’s Hitler. And he’s fucking your pet donkey.”

“I seem to have hurt my hand doing the hambone.”

“Another day, another eight hours with our arms in a vat of fish, eh.”

“Dan, have I always had these breasts?”

“Sad, sad, sad are the sandwich people.”

“You’re an ass freak!”
“Film buff.”
“Ass freak!”

And, of course, Police Department!

“You know, I never told my dad I love him.”
“Yeah, well, you really should, you know?”
“I can’t.”
“How come?”
“I don’t.”

“You really don’t want to get involved in something like that.”
“Yeah, they can sue ya.”

“For a while I thought I might be a security guard.”
“They’re related, you know.”
“I don’t see it.”

“…no, once I was Eric, the waitor with hands for hands.”

(the image of Cyril St. James in the assylum standing still while the other patients squirm in thier straight jackets, and Kevin breaks free)

“Paw’s having some diff-iculty gettin’ the salt.”

“Could be worse. He coulda used to be smart.”

18

Did you kill that guy?
Nope.

Did I mention piss out the back of a fast-moving truck?

I’m ready to serve you, master…Aaaaaaaaand Satan!

Fine ham abounds!

Allo Canada… EXPLANATION PLEASE!!!

Slipped my mind.

Are you a criminal because you didn’t eat your vegetables?

Vo dee oat n dote n day, vo dee oat n dayo, vo dee oat n dote n day Fattening up our tape worms!

Danny… have I always had these breasts?

You know I never told my dad I loved him?
Well that’s too bad you know you really should.
I can’t.
Why not?
I don’t.

that’s all I could bring you on short notice…

19

Always put salt in your eyes.

30 Helens agree,

29 Helens agree,

25 cent hand job!

But men Pee through their nipples!!

I made it with my own . . .

20

Despite being a straight American male who despises Martinis, I’ve always been a big fan of Buddy Cole.

“On my resume, my agent replaced the word gay with blond, and Canadian with outdoorsy. So I replaced outdoorsy with blousy. Which makes me a blousy blond.”

“She hates when I write in french. I usually correspond in fag, but it’s incredible how often they’re the same thing, n’est-ce pas?”

“I figured since he was from such a strict Muslim family, he was forced to stay in the closet. Luckily they liked me; his father thought I was a woman.”

“Two down…bottom of the ninth…bases are loaded…God, I love cliches. Hang on, Sylvia! Give me that stick!”

(To Oscar Wilde) "And while you’re at it do something about your hair it’s threatening to become more interesting than you. "

“I, however spoke French with a refined, Parisian accent which made people think I was a snob. Luckily I was; so I didn’t mind.”

and finally,

“I was lounging about the pool at the Danish consulate wearing next to nothing. Ooo. In fact at one point, all I was wearing was a diplomat’s hand.”

This site is fantastic for waxing nostalgic. :slight_smile:

Happy