OK, I might as well confess I’ve been mean to my mother a few times.
One time at dinner after arriving home from overseas, Mom asked, “So, how did you find Paris?” “I didn’t have to”, I replied. “I just got off the plane and there it was”.
The other day on the phone, she said to me, “Aren’t you glad the days are getting longer now?” “Really? I thought they were 24 hours, same as always.”
Yeah, I know they’re crappy jokes, that I’m going to Hell and that I’ve blown my inheritance.
“What up?” is better than “what you at?” which I heard all the time from my ex, who’s in Newfoundland. Now, a friend introduced me to her friend from the rocky province on msn, so he wouldn’t bug her all the time, and he just types in “uat”.
I’m still trying to come up with a good response, since I’ve already demonstrated I know what it means (though I did get to pull that one on my ex, since I honestly didn’t!)
My mom and I have a strange relationship: I correct her grammar, and she doesn’t kill me for it. This often leads to exchanges like:
Mom: Remind me to put the trash out when we get home.
Me: Okay, Mom. Don’t forget to put the trash out when we get home.
Mom: sigh When we get home, remind me to put the trash out.
Me: Sure thing, Mom.
I’m pretty sure this was plain smart-ass because I wasn’t the one who was asked the question:
colleague 1 (to soon-to-be-father colleague 2): When are you going to be a father again?
Me: AGAIN!? Wow, that was fast!
For those of you who enjoy this kind of humor, just be careful who you use it on.
I remember reading about a college professor who was jailed for contempt of court because a judge asked him if he had any children, and he replied, “No. I have two adult daughters.”
Judge was in no mood for that.
Was just reading a news report online earlier this evening that made some pretty harsh accusations: drinking, drugs, groping women, and general obnoxiousness.
Now, as an American, I’m not up to speed on the Windsors. So I’m asking these questions out of genuine curiosity; they’re not rhetorical.
As far as you know, does he just party a lot? Or is he really a rude, inconsiderate lout? Bearing in mind again that I’m American ;), drinking is not necessarily terrible…unless someone can’t hold their liquor and becomes violent, or spends too much time hungover to be productive. Toking up is not necessarily bad…unless someone uses his wealth and power to avoid getting busted when anyone else would have been. Guys his age go to clubs…but if he’s forcing himself on women who aren’t willing, that’s wrong.
If he’s not being jerkish, but just sowing his wild oats with no harm done, is there a significant difference between what he’s doing, and the stuff Prince Andrew got up to in the early '80s, which at the time was pretty much winked at?
You know what? My face is so red right now, you can’t tell where it ends and my shirt begins. That was supposed to be a separate thread. Remember how the board used to have a “New Thread” button within threads? Yeah, I remember it too.
…Rilchiam heads off to repost before her capillaries explode…
Answering the phone "Precioussssssssssssssssssssssssssssss?"Is fun!
gollum hack gollum
That’s “pedantry”. 
Harking back to “May I ask a question?” reminds me of the following piece of dialogue. I don’t know where it’s originally from, but I saw it trotted out by fortune, a little unix program that used to be quite fun:
Hi! How are you?
(just fine, thank you)
Great! Say, could I ask you a question?
(you just did)
I mean, another question?
(one more besides the first question?)
Yes
(you already did)
At this point, Alphonse gets smart
Sir, may I ask two questions?
(nope)
May I ask one question, then?
(no)
May I ask you how I may ask you a question?
(you may)
Sir, how may I ask you a question?
(you must seek retroactive question-asking permission for the number of questions already asked, plus two (one to ask permission to ask a question, and one for the question itself) )
…Sir, may I ask nine questions?
(go right ahead)