I don’t have to worry about people thinking I’m werid, the entire school is weird (including the teachers) and anyone who would ask me ‘what’s up’ knows that I do not diverge from this stereotype in the least.
When we were 17, my friend and I used to think out loud when we were together. We would vaguely ask each other things like:
“What does that advertisement want to accomplish?”
“Why does that crow keep hopping around on that lawn?”
“What is that old guy doing there across the street?”
For a while our answer to each otherwould be: “Ask him.” And then she would pretend to go *ask * the advertisement or the crow or the old guy, and I would pretend to die of embarrasment and hold her back. We were easily amused.
Tansu and featherlou You call it deliberate obtuseness. I call it witty sarcasm. Of course we all KNOW what the expected response is, but on some level we want people to make the correct request rather than the habitual one, we want people to be logical individuals not sheep. We do this by giving the sarcastic, logical answer to their question. The parent doesn’t want the child’s friend to ring up and dumbly say “Is x in?” We want them to say what they mean - “Can I speak to x please?”. Most of the other responses are for the same reason. The question “What are you lookin at” Is stupid. so we give it a ‘stupid’ or logical answer rather than the expected one. We believe a stupid question does not deserve the expected answer
Um, my last post makes no sense. “We do this” should probably be “We express this”
Found this (from in Uniquely Distinct Americanisms). Thought it funny and appropriate for this thread.
featherlou, you have to understand something about my dad. He is (well, technically was, seeing as how he retired about 18 months ago) an engineer. Engineers seem to enjoy doing that kind of thing. Computer geeks (I’m one myself) enjoy it too. Maybe it’s just because we’re analytically-minded, and therefore wired to provide the ‘correct’ response to any inquiry, even if it seems like we’re being smart-asses.
Of course, it’s not limited to engineers and computer geeks. I had english teachers who would respond in a similar fashion:
jweb: “Mrs. Teacher-Lady, can I go to the bathroom?”
Teacher: “You certainly can.”
(jweb rises from his seat and starts walking to the door)
Teacher: "Where do you think you’re going? I told you that you can go to the bathroom, I didn’t give you permission to leave. "
jweb: “Ok, may I go to the bathroom?”
Teacher: “Yes, you may.”
The decison on if this teacher’s behavior is instruction on proper English grammer or simply being smart-assy is left as an exercise to the reader.
The other day at work, I found a pink lighter laying on the shelf. It wasn’t mine, none of the male smokers claimed it, so I went to ask the two women if it was theirs. Neither one of them claimed it, but one of them (who outranks me by three stripes) said:
“I don’t own anything pink. Nothing.”
DOZENS of knee-jerk responses flooded into my mind. Reading as many issues of Hustler as I have will do that to you. It took all my willpower to just choke all that down and respond with a simple “Really?” and leave it at that.
I guess people who enjoy responding like this perhaps could use a little more discretion. Like my husband, who gets to make his own supper if he responds to my question “What would you like for dinner?” with “Food” one more time. I guess he considers “What would you like for dinner?” a stupid question. I consider it a question that would help me decide what to make for dinner, a decision that I make about 300 times a year, and would definitely like a little help with on occasion.
See, I think there’s a fine line between expecting more precise speech from people around you and being smart-ass, deliberately obtuse geeks that people around you just want to kick sometimes. You may be analytically-minded geeks, but you still have to live in the world around you, and deal with people in your lives.
I agree, because a lot of times ‘imprecise speech’ = ‘politeness’
I could call you and say “Put John on the phone!” but it’s much more polite to say “Hello, may I please speak to John?”
When you’re obliged to live with other people (ie in a society), it’s usually nice to prioritize politeness over precision. Everyone knows what “Do you have the time?” means, we all know it’s just a politer way of saying “What time is it?” Pointing out that it doesn’t mean precisely what you are using it to mean is one thing, while wittily pointing that out is something different. (I.e. the difference between answering ‘Yes’ and ‘Yah, but not the energy.’)
Furthermore, I would argue (but i don’t expect agreement) that “Do you have the time?” actually does mean, precisely, “What time is it?” because most people understand it to mean that. Isn’t that how meanings are determined?
We’re not saying people should be impolite. Far from it. That later response is actually a very logical one.
If I may say so, three of the responders are taking this thread, and the general idea of sarcastic responses as a form of wit far too seriously! We don’t do it all the time (If I am honest I hardly ever do it. I only wish I had the balls to do it in some situations such as the “Wot you lookin at” one) we just do it when we know it will be appreciated (or at least recognised) for what it is - an obvious wit highlighting the illogicality (word?) of the question.
We don’t seriously go around saying “yes” to people who ask the time! Yet you three people are talking as if that’s what we are professing to do!
For og’s sake chill out people!
A bit more…
As a programmer/software Engineer I was taught to recognise ambiguity in speech (for interviewing potential users of software) And also to be very strict in the specification of information (the tiniest lack of utter exactness in the specification of information could result in completely the wrong behaviour of a piece of software) So maybe I/we are more tuned to spot errors in spoken sentences. Having said that I am fully aware that speech is well and trully accepted with it’s errors in logic, and I know what the ‘normal’ response is. you talk as if we are dumb, like robots, responding in a very pedantic way, as if we don’t understand that certain questions (such as “is bob in”) require certain answers (“yes I’ll get him for you”) WE DO! We just think it’s funny to, at first, give a pedantic/logical answer.
I see your point about precision, Lobsang. I guess for me it’s a humour thing: if it’s just pointing out “You just said something that has an alternative meaning! Ha ha ha ha!” that’s not really enough for me (just as fart jokes aren’t funny just because they’re fart jokes … okay, bad example. But you know what I mean, I hope.) If you’ve come up with a clever way to point out that I’ve just said something that has an alternative meaning, then, perfect !
It’s the difference between ‘pedantic’ and ‘amusing,’ and I agree, it is very contextually based. And if someone says something dumb and your response points out the dumbness of it (in an interesting way), then that’s great ! But if someone is merely trying to be polite, and thus using imprecise language, then give them a break, is all I’m saying.
I’m all for making fun of people who ask stupid questions. Don’t get me wrong !
…on a different note, here’s one that just occured to me.
“Do you have the time?”
“The time for what?”
One I’ve used frequently with various retail personell:
“Can I help you?”
“No, I’m beyond help.”
“Can I help you?”
“I have no way of knowing, but I hope you’ll try.”
Also used:
“Where have you been?”
“Europe, Australia, the Caribbean, never been to Mexico but I hope to someday, …”
“My computer has a problem, can you look at it?”
“Sure, I’ll give it a stern look and hope it behaves.”
I don’t say these things to folks who are obviously busy or harried, and generally I try to say them with a smile. My intent isn’t to prove myself smarter than the other person, but to share a joke with them.
You’re absolutely right; I do take this type of humour far too seriously. In my own defense, I’ve been subjected to this type of pedantism from a number of sources, and have a greatly reduced tolerance for it. My apologies for dumping on your fun.
i laughed out loud and relayed it to my roommate 
Mea maxima culpa. I’m the husband featherlou has so little patience for.
I’m afraid I do make these sorts of responses all the time. I did say “Food” as an answer to the question “What do you want for supper?” a lot. Because I’m kinda indecisive and will eat just about anything that’s put in front of me. I’ve changed that answer to “Spaghetti” recently, because it’s my favourite food and I’d happily eat it for every meal for the rest of my life, but apparently that’s not acceptable either. Not that I’m slamming my wife; I know what she’s trying to accomplish but I’m just not much help – I actually do not know what I want to eat most of the time.
Also, as a result of reading a very funny “The Empire Strikes Back” parody in Cracked Magazine many years ago (y’know, the mag that’s like Mad, only different? Do they even publish Cracked anymore? But I digress) I am now physically incapable of answering the question “Would you like to join me?” with any other response than “Why, are you falling apart? Ha! Ha! Ha!” <slaps thigh for effect>
I was listening to comic genius Steven Wright a few years ago and he had this one for salespeople in a store:
Salesperson: Can I help you?
SW: Yes, do you have anything I’d like?
Every time a salesperson approaches me, I have to choke back the urge to say that. Every single time.
I do say “Yes” when I answer the phone and the person on the other end of the line asks if person X is there and I do just say “Yes” when people ask me if I have the time.
Yes, for me, it’s like a mental disorder that I must fight to keep control over. Half the time the snappy answer is out before I realize I’ve even said it. But then again I am a bit of a smart-ass and I do kinda enjoy pissing people off. But I am trying to be a better citizen. Really I am.
SEE?
Let the record show that I have lots of patience for my husband.
Ha ha! featherlou, I’d wager that your opinion of this, as a form of humour, has been biased by you having to live with it every day of your life 
In the 'hood (otherwise known as high school) it was pronounced “Whatup?” and my response was always “The ky”