Damn, before trying to come up with “lead full” no one had posted yet. Then finally when I finish it, everyone has posted. Well, I’m submitting it anyway as a bonus:
This task here feels heavy, even lead full,
And it seems to be making my head full
To use both bolded words that I saw
As line-ending words without flaw
In rhythm or rhyme that is dreadful.
There once was a girl named Miss Muffet
Who ate curds and weigh on her tuffet.
Along came a poisonous spider
Who sat down beside her.
But she had spider antidote so she told him to stuff it.
D’oh!
Obviously antidote was the other word.
The next two words are poisonous and whey
(Yeah, I know I spelled whey wrong above.)
Somehow curds and whey
don’t fit “Talk Like a Pirate Day”
They aren’t poisonous
Nor terribly ruinous
So “Arrrr” to you, my maytay …
(OK, OK, so the last word doesn’t quite rhyme)
While you Dopers “arrrrr” on like a pirate,
I’m in search of a helper to hire at
Quite a ruinous wage
Yet my guilt to assuage
For time wasted on rhyming I’m mired at.
A magical, mystical mage
sought a potion for pain to assuage,
while perusing the net
(wasted time) and yet
he forgot his pain reading this page.
This is the first board post I’ve tasted.
With flames I hope I don’t get basted!
Assuage, please, my worry:
Post back in a hurry!
Then my newbieness won’t be wasted.
Whoops. Scratch that. Too slow!
No worries, Zella.
Of flames you’ve no need to concern
Even bad limericks here won’t earn you spurn
“Welcome to the boards!” say I
As I hurry in reply
But beware of “The Pit” and its burn.
We now return you to your regulary scheduled links of mystical and potion.
Hi, Zella! Don’t fear that the flames
Of the Pit will erupt in these games.
It’s a magical potion,
This light-hearted notion,
So hurry to join us great dames!*
*And the guys, too. 
ACK :eek: ACK :eek: ACK
MYSTICAL not magical
Why do I keep doing this???
ACK :o ACK :o ACK
Welcome Zella and your lovely rhyme
even though it was not quite on time
hope you’ll like all the folks
at the Straight Dope
and with your limericks you’ll continue to chime.
While you were in a hurry to post
we’ll not send you to flame or roast
thepitfall to this game
to stay within the frame
and avoid the dread simulpost.
[yikes, yet another, take the words from EddyTeddyFreddy]
This post is a work interruption
Not illegal , immoral corruption
But there’s danger great
If it makes my work late
It will cause an employment erupt[u/]ion.
Hope I’m using the right words.
Illegal acts cause great disruption.
So Ashcroft calls for the abruption
Of our liberties.
Now you’ve only to sneeze
In a mosque and you’re accused of corruption.
OK, so I’m exaggerating for effect. And the scansion’s off a little. Sorry.
Well, I’ve got a few minutes to kill,
but a limerick calls for great skill .
It’s nothing to sneeze at,
or curse at, or tease at–
a rhyme with no cheap, dirty thrill.
Oooops, underlined “skill” instead of “calls” by mistake…:smack:
It’ll just take a minute for me to say
I feel like I would forget this day
Eating at a cheap diner for my lunch
I came back with a sneaking hunch
My boss had found out I don’t work fast
And my position just wouldn’t last
So they threw my stuff out the front door
And now I have a job no more.
My hunch says your verse is too long;
for a limerick, meter’s all wrong.
But don’t be too upset–
I’ll forgive and forget.
My goofs make me feel dumb as King Kong!
Your meter may limp or be wrong;
Your lines be too short, or too long.
But that’s not so scary;
What’s worse is the hairy
Nightmare thought: King Kong in a thong!
My eyes bloat up big as a blimp;
My hairs automatically crimp.
The thought does not play:
Hairy ape; lingerie–
I droop, drop, moan, mumble and limp!