Nope, no Look here. With the typical Dutch lack of refinement, I usually spell it out very clear, when we’re in bed or alone at home: “Hey, wanna …?”
I’m still working on the kind of Look that is code, when we’re in company, that says: “Don’t argue, I’m serious” . It can be accompanied by a polite smile, but it means business. Such a look might come in handy if hubby and I are at a party and I really want to go or I’ll go screaming mad, and he says: “Oh, sure honey, we’ll go, oh hey, there’s aunt Petunia, lemme go talk to her first, won’t take long”. Then I can give him The Look and say, even with aunt Petunia around: “Yes dear, but why don’t I go and get the car ?”.
Yep, I’ve received the look before. The current Mrs. Uncommon Sense has her own “look”, but it’s more body language than facial expression.
The last girl I dated could set me off with a 1/2 second glance that incorporated some kind of eyebrow lift, a crooked sexy smile, and a wink with her head sort of tilted my way. Problem was, she usually did this around other people just to tease me. I’d have to wait till we got somewhere private to act on the “look”. Those moments were special!
The look is hard to explain and probably changes from person to person and relationship to relationship. You’ll know it and it’ll become ingrained once you connect sex with the look that immediately comes before it.
I’m a guy. I think I see “the look” all the time. But in reality, it isn’t usually the sex look, it’s:
“Did I give you the correct change? Take your coffee and go!”
or “I’m so drunk… you’ll do.”
or “You look like my ex-boyfriend. I HATE my ex-boyfriend.”
or “You look like you could afford to buy me and my friend a drink. Or four.”
Now, when you think you see the look everywhere, two things become apparent: first, “the look” isn’t as universal and unambiguous as the quotes would have you think, and secondly, sometimes you are right… but in the same way that a broken clock is right twice a day.
I’ve given the look before and I have generally found it to be effective, though their are some men who are oblivious to it. If that happens you must be a bit more forward and slowly slide your hand up their arm or their thigh. If that still doesn’t work then you should probably try shoving their face in your cleavage.
I hereby volunteer to be an experimental subject. You follow this procedure, and see when we guys pick up on it. I’m sure there’ll be enough volunteers to form a statistically meaningful sample.
I think couples learn the cues their SOs give them. Let’s face it, the reward for picking up on the cue is a helluva lot better than one of Pavlov’s doggie treats. It doesn’t take long to train each other.
I also think the cues change over time. The tricky part is the first time. I personally think the “shove his face in your cleavage” cue is to be encouraged. Once the relationship gets past the “anytime anywhere” stage, you start with relatively obvious cues, which slowly evolve. Hopefully you don’t get in a rut - “If this is Tuesday at 10:05 pm, she’ll say yes” - but end up with a “look”, or a certain touch as subtle as a certain pat on the hand or grazing your hand across a shoulder.
I’ve been thinking about this, trying to break down into steps what is actually occurring naturally. This is the most blatant example, for those who are clueless. Subtlety comes with practice, and positive rewards. Eye contact and a small grin should be enough eventually.
He’s talking, looking at you periodically for confirmation that you are paying attention. This conversation should be about something non sexual. The more tedious and mundane the conversation, the better.
Look him in the eye, nodding occasionally. Focus your attention strongly on him, don’t pay any attention at all to what he is saying. Smile a little, like you are trying to repress a laugh.
He might, at this time, (depending on how in tune he is to body language) interrupt his monologue to wonder what is going on-is there mustard on my shirt? is my fly unzipped? am I making an ass out of myself?
Say, “No, no, no, you’re fine. Carry on.” Don’t talk anymore, but keep your focus on him.
3)Think SEX SEX SEX SEX, hot monkey sex. You must do this, you can’t fake it.
Catch his eye, smile broadly and mischeviously.
5)He will now notice that you haven’t been paying attention to anything he has said for the last 2 minutes. Why would you be broadly smiling with a twinkle in your eye about the car needing it’s oil changed? He will mentally go through all the options of why you are so distracted.
Is she pissed? am I that boring? can she see that bald spot? does she want sex? do my clothes match? do I smell?
Eventually he’ll come back to “I think she may be thinking about sex.”
He will look inquiringly at you for confirmation.
7)Confirm with another look, smile.
Penis will ensue.
This is a blatant version of what I am trying to convey. This should happen naturally. But, with practice, you should be able to do this at any time, and much more subtly. Penis ensuing is a critical part of the process to get effective results.
That’s my favorite part! Seriously, I think my Look is broken. I have the sinking feeling that I just look constipated instead. Of course, the face-to-cleavage method doesn’t always work for me either, so maybe I’m not the one who’s broken.
I’m the same way. And I suspect that even good old, smooth, Marvin Gaye had this problem (of not recognizing subtlety) in mind when he wrote the line “c’mon baby, stop beating 'round the bush” in Let’s Get it On.
My wife and I have worked out a system. I told her, “When we’re in bed and you want to have sex, reach over and pull my cock once. When we’re in bed and you *don’t * want to have sex, reach over and pull my cock 100 times.”
Usually one of just says to the other “Want to have sex?” or “Let’s have sex now.” or something along those lines. I’ve always appreciated the direct approach.
Gay man here, with no clue and no ability to sense “the look”. That’s why I prefer guys who are a bit more “aggressive” and who will take the initiative. Unfortunately a lot of guys don’t understand that “less aggressive” does not equal “bottom”.
I am not all that perceptive to subtle cues (meaning ‘not at all’). Once a cue is identified…yes, my brain will melt.
One girlfriend would stoke my hand in a certain way with her finger when she wanted to get busy.
Subsequent girlfriends did the same thing with nothing meant by it. Still got my motor running, though. I was a little disapointed to find it wasn’t a universal signal.
