Clerk: A what?
Cleese: A licence for my pet fish, Eric.
Clerk: How did you know my name was Eric?
Cleese: No, no, no! My fish’s name is Eric. Eric fish. He’s an halibut.
“Your father was a hamster and your mother smelled of elderberries!”
“Yes, I’d like to have an argument…”
“Look, I’ve told you before!”
“No you didn’t!”
“Yes I did.”
"No you didn’t!"
“Yes I did!”
“NO I DIDN"T!!!”
ding!
“I’m sorry, this session’s time limit is up.”
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
[sub]It’s only a model.[/sub]
IIIIIIIIIIIImanuel Kant was a real pissant, 'oo was very rarely stable…
Heidegger Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could drink you under the table…
David Hume could outconsume Schopenhauer and Hegel…
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
(–BTW — I’m OK)
There’s nothing Neitzsche couldn’t teach ya
'Bout the bending of the wrist…
Socrates himself was perrrrrmanently piiiiiiissssed…
René Descartes was a drunken old fart
“I drink, therefore I am”…
I confess!
Well, what’s on the telly?
Looks like a penguin.
I-body must ask-body that no-body leave the room-body!
I don’t have the script at hand (which could differ, anyway), but it sounds to me like “Ma® Ma®”. Anybody got Palin’s email address?
p.s. Laugh out loud thread!
You know, one day, my-- my mother, she put me on her knee and she said to me, ‘Gaston, my son, the world is a beautiful place. You must go into it and… love everyone, try to make everyone happy, and bring peace and contentment everywhere you go,’ and so, I became a waiter. Well, it’s-- it’s not much of a philosophy, I know,… but, well,… fuck you. I can live my own life in my own way if I want to! Fuck off!
“I FART in your general direction!”
No, well we don’t have “Rarnaby Budge” by Charles Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author, and perhaps to save time I should add that we don’t have “Karnaby Fudge” by Darles Chickens, or “Farmer of Sludge” by Marles Pickens, or even “Stickwick Stapers” by Farles Wickens with four M’s and a silent Q!!! Why don’t you try W. H. Smith’s?
Never be rude to an Arab,
An Isreali, or Saudi, or Jew.
Never be rude to an Irishman,
No matter what you do.
Never poke fun at a Nigger,
A Spic, or a Wop, or Kraut.
And never poke fun at at…
KABOOM
Cause Every Sperm is Sacreeeeed
Every Sperm is Great
And…
Voice Over : This man is Ernest Scribbler… writer of jokes. In a few moments, he win have written the funniest joke in the world… and, as a consequence, he will die … laughing.
Voice Over: It was a fantastic success. Over sixty thousand times as powerful as Britain’s great pre-war joke and one which Hitler just couldn’t match.
Hitler: ‘MY DOG’S GOT NO NOSE’
Young soldier: HOW DOES HE SMELL?
Hitler: AWFUL’
A peanut was walking in the bad part of town when suddenly he was assaulted…
…peanut.
:rolleyes: