The Masturbation Diet!

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

FINALLY! Some news you can use, ladies. I don’t have a tangible cite, as I just heard this on radio news, but Dr. _____ Fumoto of Tokyo has released a study claiming that women who masturbate can lose up to 100 calories per ever 10 minutes of tappin’ the can! Women with low blood pressure (like me) are advised to go slowly and take breaks between sessions.

Dr. Fumoto claims it doesn’t work as well for men because they don’t last as long.

Life’s rough boys. Looks like I’ll be rather svelte by the end of the week.

jarbaby

#2

Are you going to put out a workout video? :smiley:

#3

Cites you want 'em? Cites we got 'em: A diddle a day takes gals’ diet pains away

(That is possibly the worst headline I’ve ever read)

#4

ELLEN! Your sig! It’s funny because it’s true!

jarbaby

#5

This doesn’t work. Trust me. :smiley: I would have a negative weight by now if it did.

Also, mistrust diet plans that call for you to insert Q-tips and vaccuum cleaners into your chacha.

#6

However, if you come across any that suggest putting ME in there, follow that diet!

#7

Well, it’s certainly better than bulimia. The only risk is carpal tunnel syndrome.

And…no more expensive health club memberships or over priced home workout equipment.

#8

So that’s my problem… Hmmm. And I thought I was just gonna get a forearm of steel.

#9

Well, another hour, another 600 calories…

Say, is it the arm/hand action that burns the calories, or the fact that all that other stuff is going on? Because if it’s the latter, perhaps some volunteers are in order to get your hours of exercise per day up…

#10

But we like to watch.

That’s gotta be good for a few calories due to increased heart rate, perspiration, heavy breathing, the likes.

#11

Hey, so do some of us. I recently got an email from a gentleman alluding to him touching himself, and just the thought of it made me go burn a few calories.

Must explain where those 5 pounds went.

'Scuse me, I’ll be right back.

#12

I was going to exclaim, “Hey! You should put a TMI warning on a thread like this!” then I realized that the word ‘masturbation’ is right in the title. Never mind.

#13

Exactly how are you defining “home workout equipment”, in this context?

:smiley:

#14

Why buy a $100 Suzanne Somers Thighmaster when a cheap feather duster will do?

#15

Shit! You got that from me, too? How the hell did that happen? It was meant for, … well, never mind who it was meant for. Gawd, I hope my mother wasn’t on that distribution list as well.

#16

Well, I wasn’t gonna tell anybody it was you, but since you went ahead and admitted it…how come you never wrote back, huh?

#17

If this diet worked I would weight about 50 lbs

#18

Hm.

Hm, hm, hm.

Hm.

Perhaps I shall try this.

:smiley:

#19

Can I watch?

#20

Having met you, Ellen, I gotta tell you that seeing you post that cite really surprised me. It’s a good thing. I’m seeing you in a whole new light. :wink: