The More People Push Me to Do Something, the Less I Want to Do It

I’ve noticed that the more people try to push or cajole me into doing something, the more resistant I become to doing it. I could give several examples. One that stands out is when a colleague invited me to an out-of-town seminar that, for various reasons, I did not want to attend. Afterwards, in conversation with some other people, she said that she “didn’t work on me enough”. Mentally, I noted that it would be nearly impossible to convince me to ever go to this thing in future years because I hate being “worked on”.

Is this just me, or is this a common thing?

That is pretty darn standandard human behavior.

This is definitely me. I’ve already told you my answer (I might privately reconsider).

You keep pushing me? I will rot in my grave before I give in now, because that means I am a shell of a person that will collapse when pushed. Even if I wanted to go, I can’t go now!

Really? I see people give in when nagged/cajoled all the time. Advertising is built on it!

How much easier life would be if people asked outright and took no for an answer.

I’ve noticed this for a long time, but it’s complicated because their are so many degrees of “something I don’t want to do” and “something I want this or that person to do”, with someone unusually stubborn on one end of the spectrum and someone unusually pushy on the other.

What irks me is where I am opposed to an action or other choice for clinical or visceral reasons, and the other person keeps pushing so as if to insure a “win” on his part.

I know someone who boasts that he can “talk a starving dog of a meat counter”. To me that means he brushes aside any rational reasons I might have to decline his offer or whatever…because to him it’s just a game, or ego booster. Fuck that.

That’s sort of what I thought, but then why do folks keep doing it? It’s kind of like farting in public. One might do it a time or two, but after a while shouldn’t one get the hint that it is counterproductive?

When I’m met with resistance like that, I either back off entirely or, very occasionally, include the person in a low-pressure offer, just letting them know that the door is still open. That’s what I’d prefer, so that’s what I do. People resent me enough as it is.

Then again, maybe that’s why I hate leadership.

Annie, that might be my next signature line. Thank you.

It’s one of two standard human behaviors. :slight_smile:

Hmmm, I took the OP to be the other side of the question. That is, why when pushed hard do people double their resolve? Why are people more against something than they were before?

If I don’t want to go to the seminar, I don’t* not *want to go even more the more times I am asked. My opinion of not going hasn’t changed.

It’s like people have to prove how independent and strong willed they are. Just being independent and strong willed isn’t enough?

Raises hand! :smiley:

I once told my boss (now ex-boss, several times over) almost the same thing as the thread title. He answered “So how’s that working out for you?” and we both laughed.

Another former boss gave me sage advice that I try my best to follow and pass on to those whom I’ve managed: “Your job is to do whatever you’re asked to as long as it’s not illegal or immoral.” They put that “and other duties as assigned.” in your work agreement for a reason.

I was that way when I was a younger, but with age have come to realize that my first decision/impulse is not always the best. If the thing being “pushed” is not illegal, immoral, unethical or in violation of my principles, then I am willing to reconsider. The “pusher” will need to convince me, with well laid out facts and/or points I had not considered, that my initial position was not the better one. If they can do that then I am more than willing to change. I can look back now and see opportunities where I likely missed out on something beneficial simply because I stubbornly dug in deeper.

Sometimes managers are looking to groom someone for a higher position or as a replacement. The owner of one company I worked at ragged (as in out right yelling) at people, but from day one he seemed to be harder on me, especially if I didn’t meet his standards. I asked the HR manager if he was this tough on everyone and she said no. It was because the guy he was grooming as his replacement was leaving (he left a few days after I got there) and from day one he saw me as next in line. I couldn’t take it and left after a couple of months.

To be fair, his heart and intentions were in the right place. His younger partner left and wanted to close down the business (which was successful), the owner refused because he didn’t want to let everyone go. He wanted to retire, but couldn’t until he found a successor. Hey, kind of like Willy Wonka! :smiley: Now that I think about he was Willy Wonka, tough on the outside, soft on the inside and a little left of center!

It’s not just resistance to other people telling me what to do; it’s resistance to myself. I’m most productive when something very important is hanging over my head and needs to be done NOW. I will clean toilets, run ten miles, do my taxes . . . anything except the Very Important Thing.

My rule of thumb is that the more someone pushes you to do something, the more likely it’s being done to benefit them and not you.

Aggressive salespeople never get my money (nor do people who call me to sell me anything).

You are welcome.

I notice that women seem to have more of a problem with asking outright, and men with taking NO for an answer. When a man tries to pick me up, I say “no” and he wants to know why. I always say “What part of NO do you not understand? The N or the O?”

I dunno, man. I love getting “worked on”. :wink:

Turn it around on the pushy person. Ask them to do you a favor. If they agree, find a unpleasant task. They won’t bother you again.

Whatever you do, DO NOT send me $5000. Really. I mean it. No, I know you want to, but please, don’t!

I agree! No way in Hell should you send Thudlow 5k! Just don’t do it, Man!

How about tree fiddy?