I teach English as a Foreign Language in an elementary school. I like to use songs, because hey, songs are fun. When I think about what songs to use in class, the first stuff to pop into my head is inevitably some song from the Simpsons. Yeah! I could teach the kids the Stonecutter’s song! Or the whole of Oh, Streetcar! Or “I’m Just an Amendment”!
The reason I don’t do it is because my kids just totally wouldn’t get it. It’d be way, way, way too complicated to explain everything.
Still, tempting.
What temptations do you have to resist on the job?
I’m tempted to give a counseling session myself. I’m the office manager/admin. in the counseling center and would love to just schedule a little overflow for myself and then actually do a session.
I have to hold myself back from playing with the antique toys. If they catch me sitting on the floor going “Vroom! Vroom!” with a cast-iron tractor one more time, I think they’ll probably send me to the loony bin.
It’s also hard not to try on some of the Victorian clothing. It’s so pretty! And I’m tiny, so it’d fit, too.
I work part-time as a file clerk (ooh, glamorous, I know). A lot of the time I have nothing left to do so and my work area is right by one of the exits, so I find myself wondering if anyone would notice if I left early. They probably wouldn’t, unless someone came down to ask me to do something, which doesn’t happen much after 4. Not that I would, though.
I teach middle school math. I’m pretty goofy and the kids find out quickly that I joke around a bunch. I have always been tempted to just stop speaking in the middle of class and collapse, lay there for about 2 seconds and then jump back up.
The reasons for not doing this are obvious, but I do think about it from time to time…
Every time an idiot who’s applied their perfume/aftershave with a crop sprayer comes into my office, I am tempted to throw them out, shouting, “You reek! You are polluting my air! You are giving me and every person who works here a headache. Go home and don’t come back until you’ve scrubbed off every iota of that stink.”
Any time I get a rude and/or incredibly stupid caller who Just. Does. Not. Get. It. I’m tempted to tell them how I really feel about them. Either that, or just hang up-- “Whoops! Got disconnected! Gee, how did that happen?” Doing so, however, would likely cost me my job.
Gesture to TweedleDumb and TweedleDumber to move in closer so the can see something on my monitor, grab their necks and crack their heads together. The coconut-like sound would be gratifying in the extreme.
To paraphrase Mark Twain, don’t pick a fight with a man who buys cologne by the barrel. I can just see and smell my dad’s huge plastic bottles of Old Spice and Brut 33 in my mind right now.
I’m an insurance actuary, and my previous job involved evaluating insurance programs for rate adequacy (exciting stuff). My evaluations were something like, “Claim severity is up 7% due to medical cost inflation and litigation trends so rate adequacy has deteriorated.” Zzzzzzz . . .
I always wanted to liven things up by picking the gooniest claims out of the claim file and blaming them for losses. For example,
“This program lost money last year because some nimrod spray painted a water tower on a windy day and got spray paint on 3,000 cars in a nearby parking lot, and we had to pay to clean it up. To remedy this problem, we should add a question to the underwriting application asking whether the applicant hires nimrods. Applicants with nimrods should be assessed a 50% surcharge.”
Cal Meacham and OneCentStamp took my best answers!
I would like to respond honestly to all work-related queries I face in the course of a day, and that response would be in all cases: “I don’t care.”
Did that order ever come? I don’t care.
What day can we hold that meeting? I don’t care.
Do you know where so-and-so is? I don’t care.
The copier is broken! I don’t care.
“Shut up” might also be nice.
Also, for my close-talking co-worker who is always sick: I would like to either cover her entire face with my hand and push her away, or wait until she gets just a little closer and give her a big messy smooch on the lips. That’d cure her! (Although it might kill me.)
I’d like to tell potential customers that they’ve already been completely annoying during the sales phase and are clearly too stupid to use a computer, let alone our product, and their $24.95/mo will not really be worth it for us to have them as a customer.
Sometimes when I am monitoring anesthetic patients I am tempted to just poke my fingers in the innards of one of the animals.
Honestly, just seeing their guts and things makes you want to poke at them. I’m never scrubbed in though so I don’t get to. But there was a kickass bladder just the other day that was begging to be poked.
The guy in front of me puts all of his calls on speaker phone. I am always tempted to yell something embarassing.
When he was talking to a colonel at the airforce base and when the colonel said “Are you at home, it is really noisy” I nearly yelled “That’s because you are on a speaker phone.”
