The year is 2101. New York City has been decimated by disease and crime, bringing a city of millions down to just a few thousand. While the diseases that killed millions have been eradicated, crime is still a problem, and the only safe places are the abandoned theaters. Basically, just another apocalyptic movie that wastes the theater settings.
Next: The Cola Wars
The Cola Wars
Buster Teaspoon (Hasan Minhaj) leads the union fight in his local Pensacola carbonated beverage cannery to have the non-discretionary portion of income included in the periodic increase in wages, to compensate for the loss in purchasing power of money due to inflation. Impressed by Buster’s bravery, the cannery bosses two twin daughters, Dora Flood (Kristen Bell) and Mora Flood (Kerry Washington) fall in love with him. In a blind taste test Buster has to decide which one he will marry.
Next up: I Know What You Did Last Summer: Hit and Run. Straight Up, You Killed a Guy With Your Car.
I Know What You Did Last Summer: Hit and Run. Straight Up, You Killed a Guy With Your Car.
14 year old girl invites the 30 year old man who has been having sex with her for four years into the car parked in the garage, gives him a drink laced with tranquilizers, turns on the engines, lockes the car doors and windows and the garage door and walks away, hoping the death will be considered a suicide.
When the police come to her house, having found her name, addres and photos on the jerk’s computer, she gets put through the wringer, accused of seducing the man and enjoying it. She stands trial, with lots of protestors on both sides, and get found “not guilty.” The religious leader (straight, white, rich Christian man) who called for the death penalty calls it “the worse verdict since OJ Simpson,” shoots her dead on the court steps, and cannot understand why he gets arrested.
NEXT UP: I Know What You Did on The Court Steps, With Lots of Witnesses and Cameras Rolling (the sequel, of course)
Oh you took it on, you hit a homer, and you threw down. I like it. 
I Know What You Did on The Court Steps, With Lots of Witnesses and Cameras Rolling (the sequel, of course)
Religious leader Cave Thunder (Sam Rockwell) is easily convicted of murder (see the film title and prior film) and jailed for 15 years after shooting Joyce Vinegar (Lili Sepe) on the courthouse steps after her acquittal. Knowing that the system is corrupt but attempting to make the best of the situation, Cave tries to ingratiate himself with the prison Aryan Brotherhood but is rebuffed as being too white-collar. In order to prove his street skills, Cave shanks one of the black prison guards, Dex Tractor (Jorden Peele), in the back. Dex survives the shanking and is put into an administrative role at the prison, and Cave is sent to the hole for 3 months. After he is released from the hole, Cave is accepted into the Brotherhood, but one of the Brotherhood members confronts Cave showing on his mobile phone that Cave’s Facebook page is all about bleeding heart leftist PC bullshit, and he will show the others if he doesn’t explain himself. Cave denies he ever made those facebook posts and promises to find out what is up. Cave gives up his butt to get access to news footage at the prison library. Reviewing the film footage from the incident on the courthouse steps, in a freeze-frame, he can see Joyce’s mother pulling his wallet out of his pants a second or two after he shot Joyce. That wallet had all his social media passwords in it. Cave writes his long suffering family and friends to please get a copy of the film and publicize that his social media was hacked. But the person now in charge of incoming and outgoing mail at the prison is Dex, who burns all of Cave’s outgoing or incoming mail.
Next up: Oscar Bait
Basically a remake of Mel Brooks’ original The Producers. Jack (Jack Black) tries to make the worst movie ever as a tax dodge. He hires the wrong leading man (Bob Newhart), the wrong leading lady (Rosie O’Donnell), the wrong director (Woody Harrelson), and the wrong writer (Will Farrell, basically playing the same character as in the musical version of The Producers, and somehow manages to get 12 Oscar nominations. If you’ve seen either version of The Producers, you can skip this.
Next: What Did I Just Watch?
What Did I Just Watch?
Al Brody (played by Ed O’Neill) falls asleep in front of the TV and wakes up to see his wife Meg (Katey Sagal) being dragged away by a strange masked man with a gun. When he wakes up again, it’s daylight and he wonders if he dreamed it all. BUT Meg is nowhere to be found. He goes out looking for her, with the aid of his son Hudson (David Faustino) and daughter Lucky (Christiana Applegate).
It turns out the whole thing was a publicity stunt, planned and filmed by producer River Soades for his new production of the musical "The Pirates of Penzance.
Next up: Love and Marriage…With Children
Love and Marriage…With Children
Inspired by Bugsy Malone (Bugsy Malone - Wikipedia), we have a classic romantic comedy about a couple who meet cute, get separated by misunderstanding, but are reconciled by the end the third act - but the gimmick is that all the characters are played by 10-year-old children.
Next one up: It’s All about the Ichabods
A hip hop version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, with a weird sci-fi twist. Jaden Smith stars as Ichabod Crane, with script by Will Smith, who also co-directs. In this version, Ichabod lives in the present, but keeps jumping back in time, and meeting himself with every time jump. By the end of the movie, there’s a dozen Ichabods, and you’re wishing the headless horseman would just end them all. Unfortunately, he doesn’t, so there’s a sequel.
Next: Don’t Even Say It
Don’t Even Say It
A witch casts an evil spell on a baby, saying that if he even says this word extremely bad things will happen. However, she does not tell his parents what the word is and what will happen.
This parents raise the boy in total silence, never teaching him to talk. One day, the husband wins a two billion dollar lottery and, not thinking, screams in front of his son “THIS TRUMPS EVERYTHING.” The 10 year old son says “Trump” and you can figure out the rest.
Next up: Of Witches and Bitches
The Back Alley Bitches are a notorious all-female gang who have had a longstanding beef with the West Valley Witches. Their quarrel escalates when Back Alley Becky and West Valley Wendy both set their sights on Cute Tommy, the motorcycle mechanic down at Al’s Motorcycle Shop. It further intensifies when Becky’s younger sister Brooklyn Bella tries to join the West Valley Witches. Back Alley leader Prairie Dog Peg wants to rumble and calls out West Valley matriarch Plateau Pauline and Pauline is down for it. The two rival gangs meet behind the bowling alley and are ready to start fighting when Cute Tommy interrupts with his cute motorcycle buddies including Dapper Dan, Spilly Joe, and Pukeboy Pete. The girls decide that they’ve been feuding long enough and vow to work together from now on and they all head into the bowling alley for pizza and sodas.
Next: Those Stars and Garters
Lucky Lucy Anno is a fashion designer tasked with creating lingerie for the 4th of July. That’s basically it, no romantic subplot, no character development, just a step by step pseudo-doc on making patriotic nighties and under garments.
Next: Two Donuts and a Sweet Tea
Two Donuts and a Sweet Tea
Teresa “Sweet Tea” Doright forms a vigilante gang with Donnie and Elliot, two mentally impaired men to kill the gang members who raped and stabbed her, leaving her for dead. She wears outrageous disguises to conceal her identity, and lets the men have their way with the gang bangers before she stabs them to death. When all the bangers have been killed, the brothers turn on Sweet Tea, in a really gruesome ending.
Next up: Gruesome Is As Gruesome Does
Irving “Gruesome” Isnowski is a fighter in the underground pit arena down by the docks. He longs to get away from the fights but he’s stuck until he can pay off his debts to the boss. Enter Rolfo “Gruesome” Doestoevsky, the innocent new tough guy in town forced to fight for his own survival. In the middle of a fight, the two make a break for it taking the boss’s briefcase along the way. It’s a modern day Defiant Ones as the two run and fight their way to freedom, eventually find the secret plans in the briefcase, and return to the arena to put an end to the fights once and for all.
Next: The End of Times II, The Return of the End
Dirk Rockson thought he had prevented the End of Times just a year ago but the bumbling President of the United States read from the Tome of the End of Times again and reopened the portal. Rockson reassembles his team: Johnny Hacker the computer expert, LaRon Fast the streetwise safe cracker, Reggie “Boom Boom” Taylor the demolitions expert, and Jade, who hasn’t talked to him since the events of the first End of Times. Rockson and company race to stop the second End of Times while he also attempts to reconcile his relationship with Jade. Fortunately, they are able to break into the saferoom, overload the computer systems, and blow up the portal with a little bit too much explosives. Rockson and Jade kiss in front of the inferno but they don’t realize that the president’s troublemaking monkey absconds with the tome.
Next: A Brigadoon Christmas
For Christmas in Brigadoon, they party like it’s 1899. A Christmas twist on a classic, with new songs by Amy Grant and Danny Elfman. Buy the soundtrack album, you do NOT want to see Madonna trying to be sexy past 60. She’s still got a voice, so, skip the movie, buy the soundtrack.
Next: ICU, Chicago
The It duology proves to be so extremely popular that it inspires a cult in Chicago called The Children of Pennywise wherein people dress as clowns and terrorize the cityfolk with not very funny acts of violence. After a few months of this the mayor formulates a new police force, The Insane Clown Unit. Under the admitted unhinged leadership of Clay Stone the ICU tries to put out fires all over the city on Halloween night.
Next: These Things Were Mine
These Things Were Mine
Betsy Whittaker (Millie Bobby Brown) is a teenage girl tormented by memories of things she could not possibly have experienced. Convinced she has lived numerous past lives as different people, she sets out on a quixotic quest to recover treasured personal items from her former lives. Along the way she meets a variety of colorful characters, including a musical saw player (Tom Waits), a disgraced British aristocrat (Stephen Mangan) and identical twins who speak their own private language (Kathy Bates, in a dual role). In the thrilling conclusion, Betsy realizes that every previous life she remembers ended with being murdered — just as the kindly old musical saw player is sneaking up behind her with a rope …
Next: Reveille in a Minor Key
Reveille in a Minor Key
Minnie “Minor Key” Keystone wants to join the 1970 Marines as a man, despite the fact that she is a 16 year old “girl.” When he meets Bobby Horner, a man who looks just like her, he agrees to taek all the tests, gets admitted to the Marines, and then Minor Key takes his place. Hijinks ensue.
Next up: Benjamin’s Pirate.
Adults just don’t understand little Benjamin. His teacher always gives him too much homework and his parents just don’t listen. The one adult who listens to Benjamin is his friend Pirate Pete. Benjamin and Pete go out on all kinds of crazy adventures together, playing in the woods, hiding out in his secret treehouse, or searching for buried “treasure” along the way. Benjamin’s parents are worried that he lives in a fantasy world too much and try to get him to interact with the real world but Benjamin just gets real upset and runs off into the night. As a terrific storm rolls through, Benjamin’s dad finally finds him just as his secret treehouse is almost swept away. Benjamin finally sees that his hero Pirate Pete is really his dad (Pirate Pete and Benjamin’s father are both played by Alan Tudyk).
Next: The Old Man and the Goat
Thee’s rumors about that Old Man and His Goat. They have lived in that little cabin in the woods for going on 30 years now. He never interacts with anyone. I guess he lives on what he can find in the woods. And I don’t want to know what he does with that goat.
So says Alan Knight, the only person who claims to have ever seen the old man and his goat. When Knight goes missing, the towns people investigate the woods, only to find the old man’s cabin empty except for the bullet ridden bodies of Knight and a goat. Nobody quite knows what happened or who killed them.
Soon another tale springs up about the Old Man and the Goat in the woods, told by another townsmen. Turns out this is a tale as old as time, nothing here of note, just another tale of the old man and the goat.
Next up: Song Writer’s Folly