The Needle and the Damage Done

I once read about some prison workers who liked to taunt people on death row by playing Neil Young’s “The Needle and the Damage Done.”

Some part of me feels guilty about saying this, but that’s pretty funny, I think.

I think it would also be pretty funny to, in Monty Python-inspired hideousness, to call the electric chair the “comfy” electric chair instead. Spanish Inquisition-style robes are, of course, optional.

Or nice rousing round of “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” as he’s being led toward the death chamber.

I seriously get a kick out contemplating New Hampshire inmates making the license plates.

If you reaaly want to wind up a con then coming back from a lunch break smelling of beer is a good one.

Or if one of them wants you to sort something out like filling in paperwork for them tell 'em that your hangover is too bad at the moment- oh, and please be quiet.

Another fave is to bring in some really scrummy cakes and eat them during the tea break - this is especially effective when their dinner has been particularly bad.

There should be a jailhouse music chart going something like,

Band on the run - Wings
I fought the law and the law won - The Clash
Back on the chain gang - Pretenders
Walk tall walk straight and look the world right in the eye - ?
I’m free - Roger Daltrey
Freedom come, freedom go - Fortunes
Indiana wants me - R Dean Taylor ?
Bohemian rhapsody - Queen
Desolation row - Bob Dillon

Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce might be a big hit with the lifers.

Beatrice Lillie was in a B’way show once where she played an airline stewardess who walked around the cabin singing “I’ve Got a Feeling I’m Falling.”

I can see the buzzards; I can hear the crows (1 more minute ta go)

And now I’m swingin’ and here I go-o-o-o-o-o-o

The reference, of course, is to the state motto found on all the license plates: “Live free or die”. (Btw, The quotation is from a Revolutionary War general, John Stark, better known as Molly Stark’s husband.)

The main gate at the former Moundsville State Penitentiary in West Virginia has the Mountain State’s motto engraved on it: “Mountaineers are always free.”

I am reminded of the “Twilight Zone” episode where the guy who wishes for immortality is sentenced to life in prison.

I am also reminded of the ancient myth of the guy who wished for eternal life instead of eternal youth. So he lived and lived, becoming more decrepit and infirm each year.

If I were to ever work as a lifeguard, I would just bring a stereo and play only Stabbing Westward’s * Save Yourself. *

i do not know the title of this song, or of the artist who had performed it, but a piece of the chorus was:
"sha na na, live for today
sha na na, live for today "

twas played during lunch at the nursing home. funny? twisted? help!