I am having several major life changes happening all at once.
I lost my almost-10-year job in late September.
Wholly unrelated to that, I am having a life-threatening health crisis, necessitating a complete overhaul of every aspect of my life (sorry for the vagueness, it’s necessary to keep my ID unknown, not that it really matters). I will not be able to acquire employment until at least mid-2013.
Meanwhile, two weeks ago, my wife of 13 years came out as gay. I’ve known about, and been fine with, her bisexual leanings since before we dated, but she has never acted on them, and now she has realized that she doesn’t love men. She says she still loves me, and I believe her - she is committed to supporting me financially as long as is necessary, as I have financially supported her in similar situations. She just needs to be with women.
And there is just no fucking way I can live on my own in my chosen city, with studio apartment rents starting around $1200. I am going to have to move eventually, and the only place I know is the East coast, and I’m on the West coast. I have to figure out how to save up money for a coast-to-coast move, while unemployed until mid-2013.
I’m angry. I’m angry about so many little things, and in isolation, each one of them looks stupid and small, but when I look at them all together, I feel like I’m going to explode with rage. I constantly feel like people are trying to humiliate and belittle me.
I’m a straight man, but I hate women. As much as I tell myself intellectually that it’s wrong and that I’m being prejudiced, I just find them inherently untrustworthy. I don’t like being around them. I’m always nervous that they’re going to blackmail me or get aggressive on me, and that everyone’s going to take their side.
I’m a soft touch, and I hate it. I’m a straight, white male, a real WASP from an aristocratic family, and I’m terrified that if I offer any resistance to anyone else’s confrontation, I’ll look like the bad guy. It’s even worse because I can only control my temper all the way - if I let myself get even a little bit mad, I go crazy with anger.
(follow up to post number 101)
I’ve made my peace with my wife’s situation. Here’s the part that makes me so, so sad : I’ve been depressed all my life. All my life, since high school. Medications, etc. I’ve really missed the last 25 years, being a low, depressed person. I’m starting to kinda pull out of that, thanks to some chemical changes in my body. I feel that I might, in the future, be able to enjoy my life.
And my wife, who I love more than anyone, who I have wanted to be with forever, is not going to share that with me. We’ve had so many great years, but they pale in comparison to what could be if I were not a miserable sad sack. And she won’t be with me.
After years of wanting to give oral sex to my wife, she finally let me - twice in the last two weeks. She’s mostly uncomfortable with the idea of it, mostly because she’s a “proper” girl - my mouth just doesn’t belong down there. My technique is pretty good, so it’s not that I’m too harsh or otherwise not doing it well enough. Our sex life is otherwise good. We both enjoy sex, at about 2-4X a week. I am 51 and she is 47. But with cunnilingus, after 10 years of marriage and wanting to do it to her, it’s of no interest to her to receive (she does freely give, though; she enjoys it, and she enjoys swallowing). Both times when I went down on her recently she came close to orgasm, but she wasn’t fully comfortable with it and she stopped herself just short of The O. Of course, I want to do it again. I want to make her come with my tongue. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being too obsessive with this, and should just be happy with our sex life as it is. But then again, I enjoy giving head.
My husband has a cross-dressing fetish. I try to be GGG, but I’m a little squicked out and now I am actively trying to lose weight so he won’t try on my panties anymore. I also am NOT turned on when he wears “his” panties under his regular clothes to go out.
Sometimes I just want to go to a bar and pick up someone for anonymous sex. I’ve tried occasionally, but I feel like I always have to be the aggressor and it bothers me. Make a pass at me!!!
I suck my thumb. I am in my forties. Ugh.
I’ve been married for over ten years and have been having affairs with other women since the week after we registered our marriage.
Perhaps because I married too young, or for the wrong reasons, or for self-affirmation (I have passive-aggressive self-image problems, if that makes sense), I’ve been seeking women online continuously since my wife and I moved in together.
I figure that I have been with at least 100 other women during that span. Currently, I have 5 “girlfriends” and a few other bed mates that I meet at times for dating and intimacy.
My wife and I have a seemingly healthy relationship and have sex at least once a week and we date often. Early on in the marriage, I admitted that I cheated once, but she let that go as a “it’s a young guy” thing and made me promise not to do it again. Sadly, promise broken soon after and still doing it, just not as a young guy anymore.
Forward Message
Something led me to choose a unisex/versatile name for my baby, and I’ve taken care to buy some unisex clothing and toys alongside her pink, girly toys. In the first minutes of her life, I noticed my girl child’s ring finger is much longer than her index finger. There is some evidence that this can be a marker of homosexuality. I was prepared to be my girl’s biggest advocate long before she was born, long before I had any small clue to her possible identity, but her father is a bigot in angry, uncomfortable denial about his own gay little sister. The next 18 years will find me doing everything in my power to allow my daughter to become whoever she is without projecting my own ideas of what’s to come. And if she happens to be gay, I don’t know if I can protect her from her father, or convince him that she is a product of nature, and worthy of the same love and respect as a straight child. I lay awake at night and sweat over what might or might not happen some fifteen years in the future.
This is gonna sound dickish, but maybe you shouldn’t have procreated with a goddamn homophobe in the first place? More importantly though, there’s no way to know what your daughter’s orientation is going to be, so it’s a really irrational thing to worry about this soon.
On the positive side, my dad was an angry, vocal homophobe (and my mother a repressive, more passive homophobe) until my sister came out as a lesbian 5ish years ago. They’re both pretty cool with it now. My mom is totally supportive and talks about my sister’s relationship no problem, and dad stopped being anti-gay in her presence. So maybe your babydaddy?husband? would come around if your daughter ever goes through that.
I was just asking in general, not for my own benefit. I don’t really have any skeletons in my closet, possibly other than the fact that I am scratching my balls right now.
We just need to all post here and say that we are submitting a new secret. I’ll be the first. I’m going to email Zebra a secret right now.
Note that you don’t actually have to submit a secret. You just have to say that you are. Even if only one secret gets posted, no one will know which person submitted it.
