Secrets/Confessions/Random Facts About Yourself

Title says it all. The mundane and scandalous are both acceptable. I’ll get us started:

  1. Sometimes I read neo-Nazi messageboards. I do this for the same reason that I used to watch Wally George back in the day: to be disgusted.

  2. I stole one of my friend’s CDs when I was 16 and let him blame it on someone else. I have no sense of honor or responsibility :frowning:

  3. I have a little, harmless crush on one of my wife’s friends. This is a change of pace from the previous situation wherein I had a crush on my friend’s wife!

  4. OTOH, I loathe my wife’s annoying work partner. Her voice annoys the hell out of me, but I always try to be polite to her.
    I don’t have many scandalous confessions. Here’s hoping the rest of you will contribute something better.

I can’t possibly be the only one who has something to say…

Random fact: I can hold four golf balls in my mouth at the same time.

Another: I was diagnosed with a terminal, systemic autoimmune disease called Stage IV Pulmonary Sarcoidosis in January past and had to take a medical disability retirement at age 51 after 27 years as a critical car RN. (It’s also in my skin, eye and maybe my brain, but that’s a whole ‘nother story!) My doctors tell me that I may have about five years. (Now four…oh noes!) That’s a friggin’ number and doesn’t mean a damn thing to me. I live one day at a time, sit Zen and enjoy life. Cuz life’s all about choices, dontchaknow?

Confession: Though married, I still adore the observation of the incredible, beautiful, female form…especially those with red hair and freckles. Verily I say unto you, there is nothing like a dame.

Secret: I’d rather be one of my Shelties than a hooman being.

Oh, hell I’ve got several of these, I was waiting for this thread to come! A lot of them will provoke a “holy crap, tell me more!” from other Dopers. I am anxiously awaiting that.

[li]I lived up north in Gillam, MB for the first 7+ years of my life. Because of this, I’ve taken many airplane rides in my life (the first when I was about a week old), but have not been on a plane since we moved to Winnipeg almost 30 years ago.[/li][li]I have worked as “male entertainment” at bachelorette parties.[/li][li]I’ve performed standup comedy for many years, as far away as Vancouver, and even performed at the 2006 Winnipeg Comedy Festival[/li][li]I met my wife for the first time while I was dressed as Groucho Marx.[/li][li]I was asked to “proof read” (ie check for errors) the CD of national anthems that was used at the 2004 Athens Olympics. I recently was asked to do the same for the anthems that will be used for the 2010 Youth Games in Singapore and the 2012 Olympics in London[/li][li]I once slept in the same bed as Gillian Anderson (unfortunately, not at the same time)[/li][li]I was writing computer programs before my ninth birthday.[/li][li]When I was a kid, I wanted to be a cartographer when I grew up.[/li][li]I have been interviewed by BBC Radio (twice), CBC Radio, and Radio Slovenia.[/li][/ul]

This the kind of stuff you’re looking for? :wink:

Dude, you’re married, not dead. :smiley: FWIW, I go for exactly the same thing, even though I married a brunette with a clear complexion. The redheaded freckled girls might be great to look at (boy are they!) but I’d still choose my wife any day of the week for her numerous “other qualities”.

Oh, fun times! I love this stuff.

  1. One of my most common fantasies is jumping into a car and driving wherever it will take me. I go out on the backroads, out in the sticks, I end up in a different country or at least a place so culturally different it feels like it. I start an entire new life, free from responsibility, free from my past identity. Just start over. Sometimes these fantasies are torn from the scripts of action movies, where I’m kidnapped and learn to shoot and brush up on my combat skills and go fight for an important cause as part of a clandestine operation.

  2. One of my proudest accomplishments is reading Paulo Freire’s ‘‘The Pedagogy of the Oppressed’’ in Spanish. This matters both because of what it represents in terms of my language ability and because the book is about something so crucial to my value system and has really shaped my ideology as a social worker.

  3. I am very neurotic. I have learned to fake it very well in real life. I recently described myself as neurotic and a classmate snorted, ‘‘I have a really hard time believing that.’’ When I relayed this to my husband, he offered to write her a personally signed note affirming my claim. :slight_smile:

  4. I respect teachers and the concept of formal education so much I’m almost hero-worshippy about it. I have teacher-crushes–not sexual attraction, but just sighing dreamily and watching them in reverence. I’m the world’s most sincere suck-up.

  5. I’ve been accused before of contradicting myself on this board. The truth is, my life is a fuckload of contradictions because I have had so many different Dads (four official, plenty more '‘close-enough’'s) and so many different families growing up. It’s impossible to simplify. I’ve been poor, I’ve been well-off, I’ve been neglected and spoiled, protected and abused, I’ve had siblings and I’m an only child, I was raised by a strong single mother mechanical engineer AND a codependent working-class married Mom (both the same person.) When people ask if I have any siblings, I tell them I’m an only child, but really for 10 years of my life I had two step-sisters and a step-brother (who I will never see again) and I also have a half-sister in foster care who I haven’t seen since age 4. I’ve been a fundamentalist Pentecostal, a moderate Baptist, a hardcore atheist, an existentialist, and a Buddhist. I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lives and I’m only 26.

  6. I am a pacifist but I have a violent streak in me a mile wide. I hate war and suffering but sometimes I really wish I could repeatedly punch certain people in the face. In fact, I think fistfights are kind of awesome.

Eggerhaus, I can’t describe how much I appreciate people with your positive attitude in the face of struggle. I don’t know how I could face your situation without going all Sylvia Plath.

Oh how I love this quote. It’s so relatable…

  1. When I blow my nose, water squirts out of the corners of my eyes. This is new, like in the past 5 years. I have not worked up the courage to try to spit milk out my eyes yet.

  2. I’ve been using Photoshop for 12 years and am a professional Web designer (altho more programming than graphics). Just two weeks ago I learned what a Layer Mask is and used it for the first time.

  3. I give tons of money to the Humane Society because I feel guilty that I can’t bear to get a dog from a pound. I can’t go to the pound. I went once to drop off a donation at the local Humane Society and I cried the entire time. If I tried to get a dog there, I would come home with 25 dogs. I bought my dog from a breeder.

  4. I love the neighborhood I grew up in so much that I bought a house here. Moved from my parents’ house to this one and they live one block away. There are actually 3 other sets of parents/children that own homes in this neighborhood, so I don’t feel that awkward about it.


Confession: I have the hots for a friend’s (now) ex. She a shitload of trouble on legs, but damn, she’s built.

I have an underlying violent temperment that I keep under control. I’m learning moderation and more realistic appraisals, but it has screwed up more than one relationship.

I’m all for gun control, but It sure would be fun as hell to fire off a quad-.50 at a junked car.

I was well-aware this would be the most likely to pique interest. :wink:

The wording is a bit of a misnomer, though completely accurate. As mentioned, I perform/ed standup comedy. Someone approached me after one of my shows, and asked if I’d like to work for a company he was starting up, Rent-A-Nerd. They send professional comedians out to social events in a nerd persona, to make the guest of honour more comfortable about having a comedian in the room (ie the jokes are more on the nerd’s expense than them). I will say it was a heck of a lot of fun, the boss (sadistically) seemed to like sending me to bachelorettes though, as that’s what most of my shows happened to be. I’m one of the few men to have seen what exactly goes on in those things, and leave with my clothes on. (Yes, a few times some drunken girl at the stagette would call to me “take it off!” I’m thinking: Lady, I’m dressed as a nerd (whole nine yards: plaid “golf pants”, pocket protector, black-rimmed glasses with tape, etc.), do you really want to see me naked??)

So, I, a male, provided entertainment at bachelorettes


  • smothers dhkendall with a pillow *


My confession - I now have a huge crush on Olive :smiley:

Years ago, I stole a shot glass from a department store. The next time I went to that store, I couldn’t find what I needed or get an employee to help me. I took it as a karmic sign (although I don’t believe in karma) that I needed to live up to my own morals, and have done my best to live a moral life ever since.

Although I wish my fiance got along better with his family, I’m also secretly thankful for it, because it means that he’s willing to move halfway across the country so that I can live closer to my family. Of course, I also feel guilty for being glad that they don’t get along.

I run a kinky book club - I make the final decision about what book we’ll read every month, and schedule the meetings. I try to alternate between fiction (usually erotica) and non-fiction.

Every time I post some confession/ secret about myself, I end up squicking the whole board and taking a lot of scorn. I’m TMI incarnate.

Hey, I can’t help it if you have a dirty mind when you read that!

(One time, when I mentioned the aforementioned interesting fact of my life to someone, before I could get to the “real” explanation, some wiseacre jumped in and said “his stage name was Tiny Tim!”

OK, the wiseacre was me. :slight_smile: )

Wow, I’ve never participated in one of these, but what the hell…confession is good for the soul, right?

One - I am a horrible procrastinator. I will put off anything until just a few days before the deadline. In fact, I have to preview a video on Thursday that is still in it’s pre production form. Pressure, even self inflicted is my drug.

B. I have a huge problem with authority. Scratch that, stupid authority. Mall cops, security guards, even cops with an attitude bring out the worst in me. Last summer we were camping with a bunch of friends in Moab. My friend lit up a one hitter at about three in the morning, before going to bed. Cops came flooding out of the woods, and had all eleven of us on the ground in seconds. After checking everyone’s ID, one of the cops said, “I don’t know too many forty year olds who still smoke pot. Sounds like a bunch of losers to me.” I piped up that grown men in jobs that still need nametags sounds like a bunch of losers to me. That got me some extra attention. My wife wants me to carry a card that says I’m a mute when I talk to cops.

III. I have stage three kidney disease that is the product of some virus or another I picked up in my travels around the world while on active duty. Sometimes I think I’ve brought it on myself, and should stop taking the medication keeping it in check, and let the chips fall where they may.

****. My parents are aging, and it scares the hell out of me. My dad has become obsessed with the weather, and with being right on every descision he makes, no matter how hasty or uninformed it is. My mom has started narrating every aspect of her life. It was a clever plot device on Scrubs, but to listen to someone actually do it is a little unnerving. My sister lives nearer to them, and helps them out immensely, but I’m thinking she might need a little more help. This is hard, because they have always been strong, vibrant, outgoing people, and they seems to be retreating into themselves.

Lastly, I think Two and a Half Men, and Carrottop are funny.

Dude, you are totally going to have to get in line on this one.

I can put my entire fist in my mouth. This trick is fun at parties. Also fun at parties is my demonstration on how to pass field sobriety tests.

When I was 18, I read tarot for people for money.

I do that too. Who’s Wally George? George Wallace?

Me too!

I might have left out a step. It’s been awhile.

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.