Secrets/Confessions/Random Facts About Yourself

We have meetings. Take a seat in the back.

Secret - Apparently I wasn’t permitted to do all those things I did last week. I hope she never finds out about that. If she does, I’m going to have a lot of 'spainin to do.

Confession - I was born without a heart. I mean, I have an organ that pumps blood but it lacks the ability to care for others at all. Really, it takes a lot to move me to anger or passion. Thus, I really couldn’t care less about poor people, stupid people, diseased people, or just about anyone other than me and those directly affecting me. When I donate to charity, I do it to make myself feel better. When I help someone, it’s so I can feel superior to them in some small way. This is precisely the reason I went through a super-Jesus phase too. I figured that the more Bible verses I knew, and the more I went to church, and the more I donated to it, the more my superiority was evident. Now I do the exact same thing with my atheism. For all of this, I am unapologetic. I can’t apologize because I don’t feel bad about it - because I’m heartless.

Random - Being a government analyst is cool and all, but I really want to be a pilot. Of anything.

Hello good sir. This quite sounds like me. Apart from the donating to feel good thing. Fuck that.

Well, a little more complicated than that, but not much. :slight_smile: (I do remember that when one of the games that we had on or TRS-80 stopped working, I could look into the code and often figure out why and fix it. My abilities were never advanced enough to write the game, but they were to troubleshoot … )

Who here is surprised to learn that government workers don’t have a heart?* Anyone?

(OK, one particular government worker, but your vocation doesn’t surprise me … )

You should be happy that my job hurts bad guys. Not like, say, the IRS.

And I don’t think the gov’t makes us heartless. It’s the other way around.

I don’t typically do these things, but eh.

-I was, and still am, a fangirl in many ways (although I’m not actually female, FTR). I am only somewhat ashamed to admit that I was part of the Kataang vs. Zutara shipping wars, on the Kataang side of course.

-Whenever people ask me about my tastes in music, and I babble about something, it’s always a lie. For most of my life, I have never really been into any music. Like…it’s better than silence, usually, but I never actively went out and listened to it. Nowadays, I’m learning to appreciate video game soundtracks, for whatever reason (but they can be really good). But when I tell people that, they act all weird, so I lie.

-My greatest fear is spilling something on someone at a party. My second greatest fear is becoming too powerful and growing into a super villian. I suspect neither of these things are normal, though with fears normal tends to take a backseat to just about everything else.

-I can’t remember the name of one of my best friends. This is not atypical for me.

I recently posted advice in the thread on procrastination. The act of posting was in itself an act of procrastination. I’m going meta with this shit.

I’ve got no problem with authority, but this is funny.

Dude. TMI.

Wow, this is… unexpected. I’m going to bookmark this thread for the next time I need an ego boost. You guys totally made my day.

  1. I’ve been in more than 300 fights in the last 28 years, but none for the last five. Many of those were job-related (bouncer, bodyguard, etc.) but even I think that’s excessive.

  2. I once worked as a dancer in an all nude club. I’m male, the clientele was mixed.

  3. I’ve worked as a high-value courier. It’s the most boring job in the world.

  4. A few years ago, between professional jobs, I worked as a driver / security for a few different call girls.

  5. I loathe economic liberalism and social conservatism pretty much equally. I don’t care whom you want to marry, just don’t insist I pay for your wedding, I how I normally put that one.

  6. I’ve always been terrified of snakes, but as a child I’d look at the snake pictures in the encyclopedia obsessively.

Wally George used to be the host of a TV show called Hot Seat back in the 80’s. It was pretty much a mixture of Jerry Springer, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O’Reilly before any of those three were household names. Wally was a big conservative dumbass and would say the stupidest things, get into fist fights with his guests, and offer dumbass commentary to the drunken yobs in his audience who would hoot and howl with delight. I used to watch it so I could shake my head in disgust, similar to my motivation for reading neo-Nazi webpages (though I don’t consider Wally to have been as degenerate as the neo-Nazis. I believe he even had Tom Metzger on his show once and that may have been one of the few times I was actually cheering for Wally). The argument could be made that I’m a dumbass for seeking out content that I know will offend me. Who knows? Sometimes it’s fun to be offended.

Wally died a few years back. Before that, though, he engaged in a pitiful low-level feud with Howard Stern. He was also the estranged father of actress Rebecca De Mornay.

I smell dead people.

I’ve never been drunk.

When I was in elementary school, I used to shoplift comic books from the local mini-marts. Once, I shoplifted a copy of “The Making of Star Trek” from a Waldenbooks (or maybe it was a B. Dalton, the mall had both). The latter is related to an ill-advised suicide attempt in the 4th (or was it 5th?) grade.

I used to cheat on my Latin tests by exploiting my teacher’s need for nicotine at the end of the school day.

In grad school, I once got ready to deliver a book to a classmate like I was getting ready for a date, because I had it in the back of my mind she might be willing to overlook the fact that I was married for the afternoon. Didn’t happen that way, but I was prepared.

How do you get jobs 4 and 5?
I’m a sports official, and I do a pretty good job of forgetting who the teams are and calling what I see, but there about 5 intramural teams that get very few breaks on my fields by this point.

The best part of moving to education classes is that the population is approximately a million times cuter than in engineering.

I study far less than others think and I’m a horrible procrastinator.

A secret: I’ve been diagnosed with a personality disorder, one that has a horrible prognosis, and it has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. One symptom is that I have problems seeing a future for myself, so I’m always living in the moment. Which is kinda good, in a way, but it also means I’m not ambitious and I have a hard time caring about things. I also fantasize a lot about the end of the world, because I haven’t found a whole lot of enjoyment in life.

A confession: I made myself bawl once to get out of a homework assignment in the third grade. The teacher felt so sorry for me she let me off the hook.

Random: I found a horse apple today and carried it around in my bag to show to people because I was so amazed by its crazy brain-like appearance and its sweet smell.

I can’t drive on highways. I had a horrible near-accident on an overpass that was stuck way up in the air over downtown and so am doomed to take the slow back roads to wherever for the rest of my driving life. (I can drive on the thruway, though, don’t know why that’s OK.)

*I once slept in the same bed as Gillian Anderson (unfortunately, not at the same time) *

We all need to hear the story behind this one, I think.

  1. random fact: I drink beer everyday, but I’m not an alcoholic. At least, I don’t think I am. I do have a kind of dependency on it (I can’t relax without a beer, I can’t have as much fun if I don’t drink a beer, I look forward to drinking a beer), but I don’t get drunk or even buzzed from the beers I drink and it never intrudes on my life (making problems in my marriage, showing up drunk at work, etc). In fact, I’m drinking a beer as I type this.

  2. confession: I stole books from school when I was in second grade. I converted to Judaism later on, but as a child I was raised in a Lutheran household and was very terrified that I’d be going to Hell for stealing. I even made up a plan to take the books back to school and drop them off secretly on the playground so as to assuage my guilt. Never panned out, though, and I still have those books today.

  3. confession: I HATE Citizen Kane and Gone With the Wind and I don’t understand why everyone thinks they’re so great.

  4. random fact: I have a huge, furry unibrow that is a constant source of ridicule among my friends (they call me “meisterbrow,” a take-off on “meister brau”). I used to pluck it and manicure it regularly, but then I stopped caring and it now grows wild and free.

  5. secret: I’m turned on by girls who are a bit chubby. Not morbidly obese, or anything…but a little meat on the bones is sexy.

  6. random fact: I never learned to drive and never got a driver’s license. I’m almost 30.

  7. secret: I am secretly terrified that my wife will get sick of my hypochondria, paranoia, and general disinterest in life and leave me some day.

  8. confession: Although I made an Orthodox conversion to Judaism, I still sometimes eat bacon, and I think many of the rules of Kashrut are outdated and not practical in the 21st century.

  9. confession: I knew I was wrong in that “dogs wearing clothing” thread, but I was too stubborn to admit it until I got sick of the discussion and finally did admit it.

  10. confession: I sometimes feel a twinge of jealously when I Myspace or Google an old girlfriend that I dumped and discover she’s married or in a new relationship.

secret: sometimes I stand on bridges or rooftops, and wonder what it would be like to jump off. But then I think about what it would be like to hit the ground and go, “never mind.” I’m not actually feeling suicidal, I just want to fly for a bit, but I don’t want to die that way. Some guy actually did this at the parking structure of the place where I work some years ago. A couple acquaintances of mine saw him after impact.

confession: I get emotional about bad stuff that happens on TV, whether to real people or fictional characters, even if they’re animated. I can’t even bear to be in the same room when my parents are watching their current favorite telenovela, because everyone just looooves to dogpile on the heroine. I get mad at the bastards and wish the girl would just grow a spine, tell them off, and leave. I also love when a TV bully gets his or her comeuppance. I guess it’s catharsis for me. This is also why I try (and fail) to stay out of 'shipping wars, since I have strong opinions on which fictional characters should end up with who. Oddly enough, the ones I pick end up being canon more often than not. I should have learned my lesson after reading about the great H/Hr vs. R/Hr* wars in the Harry Potter fandom a few years back. There are people who still aren’t speaking to each other over this.

random facts: 1. I used to write poetry, but gave it up a few years ago. The first poem I wrote at the end of that hiatus was my entry for the SDMB poetry challenge on Cafe Society. Never found out who won, btw.
2. I know how to cross-stitch, but also haven’t done that in years.
3. I like to make my own glycerin soaps with dyes and essential oils, for myself and as gifts. I have several molds, and a box full of oils and dyes and stuff to suspend in the soaps. Nobody likes the glitter-filled ones, not even the kids. I wonder why…

*Shorthand for Harry/Hermione vs. Ron/Hermione.

I have a few.

  1. As much as I pretend to scoff at those “caught on tape!!” shows of street justice and shit blowing up, I secretly love them. Police chases are boring, though. I also am a forensic shows junkie. Not CSI and Bones…I’m talking Forensic Files and Cold Case Files, and…well, let’s just say that when I have cash to blow, I’m totally gonna splurge and get the Investigation Discovery channel.

  2. Sometimes I wish I were still single so I could do more exploring, sexually. Particularly with members of the same sex. That being said, I love my boyfriend and have absolutely no desire to leave him.

  3. I bite my bottom lip and the inside of my mouth like it’s my freaking job. My dental hygienist noticed once, and thought it was accidental. Yeah. Sure. “Accidental.”

  4. I hate confrontation of any kind and will go out of my way to avoid it. I do want to have a spine, though, so I try hard to be assertive whenever I can. Whether or not I’m actually successful, I have no idea.

  5. I really like coffee, but my stomach hates it, so I rarely drink it. As a matter of fact, I don’t rely on any caffeine at all to wake me up. Not trying to brag, or anything…I do get very tired during the day.

  6. I wish I were as awesome as Olive. :frowning:

I love the feeling of head rush when I stand up too quickly. It’s such a natural high. Since my blood pressure is on the low side I can enjoy this sensation fairly often.

I didn’t have real actual sex until I got together with my current partner.

[li]When I was small I had an entire imaginary planet[/li][li] I once spent two weeks subsisting on lemons[/li][li] I don’t like to hear people say the words “question mark”[/li][li] I grow vegetables but feel bad about picking them[/li][li] Things I have stolen from bars include two hundred lollipops and a lavatory seat [/li][li] I once gave a handjob on the Stretford Bypass[/li][/ul]