The Nose Picking Thread

Some people like football or romantic movies or stamp collecting or bunny rabbits, and I think those things are fine. But what I really love more than anything else is picking my nose.

Picking your nose feels great, it’s good for you, it doesn’t cost anything, it doesn’t require any equipment or tools aside from your own body parts, and it’s a hobby you can do anywhere. And for someone like me with hay fever, there’s nothing quite as relieving as pulling out a big, sinus-blocking, nostril-stretching booger. It feels so good that sometimes when my nose is booger-free, I’m sad, because I wish there were some boogers up there that I could dig out.

Finger Selection: One thing I find interesting about nosepicking is the fingers I use. I have different finger preferences for each nostril:

RIGHT NOSTRIL: Left Index 54%, Right Index 43%, Right Pinkie 7%
LEFT NOSTRIL: Left Index 100%.

I’m not exactly sure why, but my left nostril is exclusively the domain of my left index finger. Yet my right nostril is serviced by three fingers – both index fingers, plus the pinkie when extra penetration is needed to get at those hard-to-reach nuggets. Some people are big fans of Q-Tips for mining the proboscis, but I prefer a traditional, exclusively manual approach.

It seems to me that when I was younger, I used a larger selection of fingers. I’m quite sure that when I was a child I used all my fingers at one point or another for clearing out the snout. But no longer. I wonder why that is? Maybe as you age your fingers grow more than your nose.

Booger Disposal: I consider myself something of a self-taught expert in the field of booger disposal. Just about anyone can pick their nose, but it’s your skill at getting rid of the evidence that really separates the master from the apprentice.

Disposal can be achieved in four ways; the Dump, the Wipe, the Flick, or the Plant. But before you can move on to determining the preferred method of disposal, the first part of disposal is ABG, or Assessment of Booger Consistency. As I am sure you know, not all boogers are created equal. Some are relatively hard and formed upon extraction, some are semi-formed and gluey, and some are dribbly and get all over your finger. The consistency of a booger directly affects the available methods of disposal, which you can refer to in this handy chart:

DUMP: The booger is put in a tissue or gum wrapper or some such thing and disposed of in a receptacle, such as a garbage bin or toilet. Suitable for all booger types.

WIPE: The booger is deposited on a semi-absorbent surface, such as the back of a sofa or a carpet. This is the only method possible for liquid, dribbly boogers. Also works for semi-solid boogers, though not as well.

FLICK: The booger is propelled through space to be lost forever on the floor or ground. Best for solid and semi-solid types.

PLANT: The booger is carefully deposited in an essentially intact state on a solid surface. Usually this is the underside of a table or desk; bolder nosenauts seem to like putting them on bathroom walls and stuff. Not my style. Suitable only for semi-solid specimens.

Really, the problem is always when you have really liquefied, dribbly snot. There’s just no easy way to get rid of it, and it isn’t very fun to pick. Sometimes I try just leaving it on my finger until it solidifies enough to roll and flick, but this means you don’t have use of your hand for a few minutes. If I’m nose mining on my office it also means I have to hide my hand under my desk in case someone comes in, which makes it look as if I’m reaching for a gun. Not exactly a welcoming sort of open door policy.

So a new technique I’ve invented is the PPAS, or Pre-Pick Aeriation and Solidification. Basically what I do is lean my head back and snuffle air in my nose but OUT my mouth in long, deep breaths, so that the moisture in the booger is absorbed by the incoming air. After a few minutes it’s ripe to be picked.

Anyone else have any pointers on effective nosepicking? Questions, concerns, suggestions?

Too. Damn. Funny!!

A few thoughts:

  • This thread will not get nearly as many posts as the “spit or swallow” thread (and certainly not as many views!), yet both deal with basic human excretions…

  • My five-year-old would add to the list of depositing strategies you shared: Eating it eeewwww it gives me the shivers just typing it - we are constantly trying to get him out of that habit.

  • While not ahem personally involved in this habit, I notice you did not mention your thumb as a picking digit. I have it on good authority (a friend told me) that the thumb can be a quite effective “broad sweep” cleansing digit - for, say, the inner wall of the nostril after a long night’s hay-fever-congesting sleep. Your thoughts?

I gotta see what other scientific inquiry and techniques get shared…

RE: really liquefied, dribbly snot.
Use the artificial finger technique, twist up a tissue into a finger width long cone, bend over the sharp end of the cone at about half an inch from the apex, then insert the cone into nostril and turn through 360 degrees. This should remove all liqui-snot from the offended nostril.

Cheers, Bippy

There is another factor here, which is acquiring and maintaining the perfect nail length on at least one finger. It needs to be long enough to grab and scrape out a deeply embedded nugget, but not so long that it inflicts damage on the nostril.

Note to all: If RickJay ever hosts a DopeFest, do NOT sleep on the floor. That $60 for a hotel room will practically pay for itself.

Well RJ, I think you have this subject under control, but as Bippy pointed out there are also tools that can be used. Paper clips, unbent and reshaped are good for scraping. Bobby pins are also good, but harder to find. Medical/Industrial swabs, with the long wooden stick, are very good as well. Either end can be used depending on the mission.

A paper clip is especially effective for removing the multi-consistency type. Nothing better than digging one out that is crusty on the front end, and has a long, gooey, elastic like tendril that stretches, and feels like it was attached to the back of your eyeball when it finally pops loose.

Man, this thread is turning my stomach, but…

I enjoy it too!
Sometime with crystallised ones you have to watch out for scratches. Just a warning.

For even more advanced booger cleaning, try a Neti pot. It’s a douche for your nose!