Animal shelters
are so sad, I adopted
seventeen puppies.
Two months after her
cat ran away, she asks me,
“Is my Fluffy here?”
Two pigs (cruelty case)
at the shelter STINK, and scream
like, well, stuck pigs.
Daniel
Department of En-
vironmental Management
How may I help you?
“My neighbor won’t mow
his yard. Can you come arrest
him?” No, you idjit.
“What do I do with
my leftover paint and crap?”
Why’d you buy too much?
“I don’t like my job -
so the building made me sick.”
Stop wasting my time.
“I didn’t know my
son was dumping behind my
barn.” So? Clean it up!
They are just children.
I may not kill the stupid.
Go evolution.
zimmdogg, high school teacher
Boy this thread is unexpectedly funny. Shouldn’t it be in Cafe Society?
Innumerable
changes to the new design
give me a headache
write forty-word blurbs
today, tomorrow, the next
ad nauseum; gaaaaaak.
softball book questions
make for an inoffensive
interview. Swing, Batter!
Reading crappy books
day in, day out, sure makes me
cranky at book club
I’m sorry authors
Just because you worked so hard
doesn’t mean its good
Theodore Sturgeon
was right: 90% of
everything is crap
<OMG, that is the most brilliant haiku I ever wrote!>
-works in marketing department of major book retailer
Flies in my office.
Who leaves door open now?
Smash flies all day long.
Nothing to do here.
No yellow machines anymore.
Fall asleep in chair
Unpaid Overtime
is the bane of existance
but we get pizza
reading Straight Dope threads
footsteps in the corridor
switch to Explorer
Put that down and leave
You can not design anything
You are a lawyer
I hate accountants
But they hate me too, so there
They are still big jerks
I hang the lights high
I hang the lights way down low
Then I plug them in
Forty hour week
Is unheard of in theatre
Eighty hours? Sure.
OSHA can’t see me
Up high with no safety belt
Risky jobs are fun
Fell off a ladder
Fell out of a Genie lift
Concussions are fun
Some days are boring
Other days are not at all
Isn’t theatre grand?
Actors whine too much
Crew whines about the actors
I listen to all
Who can I whine to?
My bottle of Glenlivet
Is here to listen
I should stop now and
Pretend to be working on
The next silly show
Your Windows has crashed
I am the Blue Screen of Death
No one hears your screams
Not original, but one of my favorites 
Drive-thru trainee asks:
“Want fudge sundae on your nuts?”
Whoops! I said that wrong!
[sub] Yep. I actually said that to a customer years ago when I worked at a McDonald’s[/sub]:o
that last glass of wine
at the faculty party
no tenure for me
Gloves, suit, mask and bug
The monkey smell fills my lungs
A vacation please?
Hey everyone, thanks for all the great submissions! I now have iced tea all over my keyboard!
===============================
More from the civil service worker:
“State of Hawaii
Department of [so-and-so],
How can I help you?”
The caller mumbles,
“My name’s Officer Lono.
Let me talk to [blah].”
Not hearing him well,
I say, “Officer Lolo?”
“LO-NO!” he screams back.
LONO is a fine
Hawaiian name; however
LOLO means “moron.”
:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:
:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:
:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:
Graphic design & digital art.
If it’s on the web,
I can’t print it ten by twelve.
That’s 8 DPI.
I know you think so.
Looks good on your monitor.
It will print like shit.
This just won’t work here.
Yeah, can you say, ‘mosaic?’
“Print it anyway!”
“…pairing down patients…”
“…new studies with baited breath.”
I have a headache.
“Asymptotic” means:
“wasting away to nothing”
ASYMPTOMATIC!
I know these things
yet “there” not my mother tongue.
You make the big bucks.
We told him not to.
He can clean it up himself.
It was tempting fate.
You call for an ambulance
Because the bus is late.
I don’t think so.
Francesca, ambulance worker.