When I ask how big
a JPEG is, don’t hold a
ruler to your screen.
Norway office can’t
access the intranet site.
Worked last week. Why now?
Boss wrote inane verse
For company’s Christmas card.
Everyone loves it.
Voicemail light blinking.
Enter password. Press 11.
Hang-up call, damn it.
I hate the users
Crashing my Unix servers
Lost password again?
Can’t get A-O-L?
We blocked from all, the chat rooms
Use it at home, fool.
Your paper is blank
The feeder ate your report
We don’t do toner.
Paged at three AM
ATMs have gone off-line
I’m groggy - what’s cash?
My sig line here
Tells a frightful tale of woe
Cancelled my time off.
gotpasswords, oh my.
Please forgive my ignorance.
Explain why this is bad?
screech-owl wants to know
(Haiku not necessary)
I am not a geek.
From my current job at a Mexican restaurant:
Cheese dip is so hot
Styrofoam cup slips - oh no!
Hand is now on fire
Lady on the phone
Not my fault your order’s wrong
So don’t yell at me.
Loogie on a plate
Customer wants a refund
This place is nasty
My summer job working for the tech dept. cleaning/fixing school computers:
Scary janitor
I do not want those cookies
You found in the trash
Not as funny as some I’ve red so far, but they’re all true!
Spilled film chemicals
“It’s fine, they’re water soluble”
So is sulfuric acid
Are you by any chance a grad student? 
I am…
Troilus and Criseyde
is too big a subject for
seven-page papers.
“This is great!” says prof.
You should think so, since it’s what
you told me to do.
I should get out more.
Someone on TV said “quaint,”
and it made me flinch.
That might bear explaining: queynte was a pretty dirty word in Middle English. You can probably guess the modern equivalent.
Oh my, Medicare
Hospital discharge so quick
Home health nurse is God
Drive from A to B
Soon, it will be much too hot
To work from your car
Quick! Hide the pager
And turn off the damn cell phone
One more patient??? Sure
Day’s end, I forget
How many rolls of Kerlix
Did I wrap today?
Job ninety % good (cheating, yes I know)
And the rest of the time, well,
Unbelievable
Because of HIPA
Cannot divulge secrets of
What I really do
(HIPA = Health Information Protection Act)
It’s a Unix thing that means “erase everything without asking.” “rm” is the Unix remove (delete) command. -rf means “don’t ask for confirmation” (this can vary, depending one what particular flavor of unix you’re using) and ./.* means all files and all subdirectories. In DOS, the equivalent would be del . /s /q
If someone enters that command from a server’s root, it will delete the entire contents of the disk and make you start looking for the backup tapes and praying they’re current.
Please don’t bite me, dog;
I’m here to help, not hurt you.
CHOMP- my arm bones shatter.
I stayed up all night.
Your cow calved in a mudhole:
Now, you won’t pay. Sheesh.
Why didn’t you tell me
this dog has mange and ringworm
before I touched her??
-tales of a (student) Vet.
…It’s a Unix thing…
Thank you for clarifying.
Feeling geeky now!
Tell me your problems
No, really, I’m listening
I just look asleep
Interminable
meetings that don’t accomplish
anything productive
These are fun!
scope changed yet again?
There’s a hell for folk like you.
I’ll start updating
That’s it. I can’t be
bothered to even try to
look like I’m working
No one cares about nouns.
Eleven days of school left.
Get it over with.
High school kids’ poems:
There’s no Poe or Shakespeare here.
Bad poetry lives.
Matt loves Stephanie.
It’s written on the front-row desk
Under the boob sketch.
Boss cranky women
Run out of building screaming
I despise my job
Spend all day reading
Dopers cleverer than I.
Should get proper job.
Then try to be wise
And increase my poor post count
With erudite words
Trouble seems to be
I find it hard to
Remember how many syllables should go in the last line of a haiku.
Can’t do my own work
Have to send bills for copays
Due day of service
I spend my days
Fixing idiots’ mistakes
My co-workers suck
( and for the record, I may share an office with BitterBetty but I dont ever give her any trouble 
)
Your network is down?
The building with your server
Is without power.
You can’t ftp?
Your password has expired-so
Telnet and change it.
I have two days to
Process a login request.
You may not rush me.
The more you bug me
The less likely I am to
Do you more favors.
Oh, please telephone-
Do not ring so much today-
I have work to do.
(Data Center Operations)
Ah, the joys of bureaucracy…
State Rehab person
Who has much more hair than brains
Please return phone call!
Was using demo
For software class you paid for
Demo expired!
You said real software
Will be coming in the mail
Weeks ago; not here!
Semester is out
May 12; professor wants work!
No software, can’t work…
Guy on motorbike
You do not wear a helmet
I will see you soon