Even though my profile says that I’m unemployed and not looking to date, I still get plenty of messages. I even got asked out because I’m that fucking awesome. I stuck to my guns and declined, making it clear it was because I’m so broke I have to penny pinch for bus fare, not because I wasn’t interested. This created some awkwardness, but we kept chatting. Just when I thought we were past said awkwardness, she sent me a short message saying she wasn’t able to send a proper message because she was too busy. I took her at her word and sent her a message saying, “No problem.” Then a week went by and I hadn’t heard from her even though I saw she had been on OkC. I began to suspect I had been politely let go. I was disappointed, but I understood. I sent her a message telling her I had had a real nice time chatting with her. Two days after that, today, she pops up in my inbox, telling me again how busy she is, giving me her email addy.
My first Rage Comic.
I’m seriously considering trying OLD again. (In 2009-2010, I did one round on EH, one on Chemistry. Didn’t do Match because my ex was on there, and I didn’t want him to see I was there. Creepy guy.) It’s tough for me to get good photos of myself. Web cam photos usually don’t turn out too well. And I live alone.
So here’s my question: how tacky/desperate/ weird is it to have a professional photo on your profile? I had to have a photo taken for work, and it turned out quite well. I’m tempted to use that one, along with one of me summiting a mountain and another that’s two years old. Would it look kind of phony, like I’m trying to cover up something that had to be air-brushed out of a photo? (I’m not.) Or just like I’m trying too hard?
When I look at photos, I want there to be at least one shot of the body or torso and I prefer that the photos are dated so I have an idea what they currently look like. All my pics are dated. My most current pic is a webcam shot and has me with a goatee I no longer sport, but it’s the only one in which I am not wearing something on my head. I want to show I’m not secretly bald. It’s also strange because in real life I’m more bareheaded than not. My main pic is from last year -the one in the SDMB gallery, actually- and it shows my whole body. I’d put up a more current pic, but my hair is uncharacteristically longer than I normally wear it; I need to get a haircut first.
Got my first internet date on Friday! We’re going to a haunted house, should be fun. Wish me luck.
slow clap I lost it at “jeff gordon suks.”
edit: “barely F.” hahahaha.
I’ve seen professional photos in profiles before; I see nothing wrong with it at all. I agree with Chimp that it’s a good idea to date photos, but putting up a 2-year-old photo of you summiting a mountain isn’t unreasonable.
One strategy I was going to use to get new photos of myself (to avoid the self-photo..and never do a webcam photo) is to use have a friend or family member take tons random pictures of me one day. You’re bound to end up with one or two that look nice, and depending on what you are doing that day it could be a very interesting picture.
Good luck!
Danke.
FWIW, I had a pretty good date last night. Dinner at a hippie-ish bar/restaurant in the village near where she lives. Three hours of intelligent, fun conversation. A second date with her this weekend. Forever Alone forestalled for now. 
I’ve now exchanged 40+ messages including emails with a woman from OkC in a month and a half. She asked me out, but I turned her down because of my money situation. Yet we still are chatting. I’m getting bored of the online thing, still think she sounds interesting, but I’m still too broke to date. I’m not sure what to do next.
I once exchanged 60+ messages in a month and a half with another woman. We didn’t go out because we lived too far apart. In the end, she friend zoned me. Endless messaging just doesn’t work. It ends any attraction and someone always gets bored.
Hey guys, fun little related thread over here.
Started out as a question about women handle unwanted advances, and was semi-hijacked into a discussion about body language and when an advance is welcome, how to tell, how not to tell, etc.
A 96% match on OkC had been stalking my profile lately. Tonight she finally messaged me the one liner, “You are cute.” At least it wasn’t “Ur cute.” I had checked out her profile before and liked what she wrote there. I’m puzzled how someone who wrote a great profile could sent such a shitty message. I’m tempted to reply, but I don’t want to reward bad behavior. Just because she’s an attractive chick it shouldn’t be that easy. If I do reply, I think I’ll go with the simple “So are you.” What do you think?
Uh…
An introductory message from a girl usually means “Hey, check out my profile and if you find me attractive, let’s talk.”
The reason why girls want guys to mention something specific is that a lot of guys just spam any female, and it’s not fun to end up in a conversation with someone who isn’t actually specifically interested in you personally and actually has no idea which of the 1,000 ladies he’s spammed you are. But I don’t think a lot of girls spam, so chances are she’s read your profile and is actually interested in you. So the “bad behavior” isn’t really there- she read your profile and wants you to do the same for her.
She’s cute and she likes you. Get over yourself and write to her. Ask her something specific about her profile and she’ll be over the moon, and you guys can go on a nice date together. The guy who goes out to coffee with cute girls wins over the guy who has some kind of high ground. Make it happen.
I was hoping that even sven would be the one to handle that question.
Eh, I dunno… I’m with Invisible Chimp on this one. Yesterday I got a message from a girl that said, “Hi. Interested?” Because she’s a girl she can be lazy? It comes across as arrogant.
Know why they do that? Because they can.
Would it be nice for her to suck up and tell you how brilliant your profile is? Sure. And I’ve discontinued contacts because I wasn’t happy with the way a correspondence was going.
But I’m not going to rule out anybody based upon their first e-mail, if I like their profile. Think about it like this: If she e-mails you, it means that she hasn’t ruled out having sex with you. Yet.
So far, of all of the the one-liners that have contacted me, I’ve been able to rule out having sex with them. If somebody gorgeous and brilliant goes that route, perhaps I’ll change my tune. 
I haven’t posted in this thread in a while. I’m here to brag: I’ve been in a relationship now for a few weeks thanks to OkCupid!
I’m not opposed to one liners. The two loooooong ass conversations I mentioned upthread started when the girls initiated me with one liners, but they both at least mentioned something in my profile(almost the exact same thing, actually.) I’ve gotten “Ur cute” before. I am cute. I get plenty of girls messaging me on OkC first. I’m going to be more interested in girls that show some effort.
I sent “So are you.” This is a mulligan. If she wants to actually put in some effort, fine. I don’t have casual sex in my looking for. I need to know she’s interested in more the my body, my sexy, sexy, body.
Congratulations, A Clockwork Melon.
Aww, you poor thing.