Who gives all of themselves on a first date?
Sometimes ‘being yourself’ even when who you really are isn’t good ‘dating’ material, works out fine. I’m depressed, pessimistic, shy, self-doubting, unambitious (all lifelong problems), and recently went through a difficult break-up of a very serious 7-year-long relationship, as well as several other major life upheavals. I threw it all at my (now) boyfriend on the first few dates - to his surprise and amusement - because really, I felt it would be unfair for someone with my level of baggage to pretend to be in better shape. He still likes me lots (though he did tell me that I far exceed any airline’s limits), enough to be the one who initiated us beginning a committed relationship.
In fact having gotten most of that dark stuff out of the way very early on, I’m now able to relax and be happy in this new relationship - much more than I would if he had yet to find out about my debt, my ex, my (poor) mental health history, etc etc.
If Snow White has an OKCupid profile, you are in.
Funniest post in this thread in a long time 
Ha!
(Even funnier: I just finished watching Mirror, Mirror!)
Weird 
I guess I’ll second the increase your age range & distance suggestions then, otherwise, I’m baffled, sorry!
Well, hopefully that’s not all they’re saying across the board, or that’s not much of a relationship. It’s enriching to know you’ve added value to someone else’s life, too.
That said, the economic analogy is apt, since the same natural laws hold sway in both areas: money doesn’t go where it’s needed, it goes where it can grow. The same holds true for love.
I have the same situation and fear as RickyJay on the previous page. I’ve tried OKC for a bit more than a year now, off and on, and I have had very few dates thanks to a very low response rate. I send a nice message, they look at my profile (sometimes) and then say nothing.
This is why I’m both baffled and impressed when others have talked about “systematic dating,” with multiple dates in a day, and things like that.
This concern had receded a great deal for a while, because in early May I obtained a lover. We met in a grad school class two years ago, reconnected last autumn after sporadic contact, and, after about seven/eight months of tenacious effort on my part, we became exclusive lovers. The problem is, we learned shortly before becoming intimate that she very much wants to be a parent, and I don’t. She’s 31, and I’m 30. We’re dating without dating, we both wish it could be different, but that’s the reality of the situation. She only seems to be getting closer and closer to me, and that’s disconcerting.
She’s now the closest thing I’ve ever had to a girlfriend. No, I’m not shy. She was the first person I kissed in over two years. From late summer 2002 to late summer 2007, I didn’t even hold a woman’s hand. I could provide more detail, but you get the idea.
The dysthymia that nearly ruined my youth is mostly gone, my communication skills are better, and all things considered I think my OKC profile and personal demeanor reflect how much my life has changed since coming to DC for grad school. Even so, can you see how I’m worried? When my intimacy with this lady ends, as it soon must for the good of both of us, will she be an anomaly in my lonely, frustrated life?
Somebody tell me the origin of the title, ideally without searching online!
Yes, but ideally a relationship is made of two whole people who are more than the sum of their parts when they’re together. If one person isn’t whole, is emotionally needy, and isn’t really in a position to give back to their potential partner, that potential partner is entirely justified in not wanting to get into a relationship that looks like it’ll be taxing on them without getting anything in return.
I had a brief flirtation with someone who at first looked like a witty, composed person who I wanted to be around. When she decided she wanted to be around me, she let the facade drop and every single conversation thereafter was a clingy, sighing, depressed quagmire, taking tons of emotional support from me without offering anything in return. I backed off of that as fast as I could. If I have to be my own person AND complete you as well, it’s too damn tiring and dismal.
That all sounds kind of cold and unromantic, true, but emotional vampires really, really suck.
I have long distance pen-pals as a looking for on my OkC account, so I got a message from a Greek girl. Her English isn’t perfect, but she’s understandable. She said “I only have one question…” Then she quoted all the movies I have listed and simply asked “Why?” Why do I have so movies listed? Why are they my favorites? I don’t even know how to answer that. She ended her message saying I was “a cute American.”
Are all the movies in the same genre? It could be a “why do you like sci-fi” or “why do you watch so much porn” type question? 
“Because.”
I have not yet read through this monstrosity, yet.
I do have a few questions on OkCupid’s site. I have answered nearly 700 questions. I have many 99% matches and countless over 90%.
Highest possable 99.8.
Is this common? Sure seems like a high number.
Does the number mean all that much in real life experience. What about the friend percentage?
Funny thing they seem really my type. Never knew there were so many women just like me.
I do not even look at profiles below 90% Am I doing it wrong?
Absolutely true story; a friend of mine who writes a column on dating reactivated her profile on one of the major sites (don’t recall which) and got 100 messages in a week. She’s fairly ordinary looking.
“How many did you reply to?” I asked her.
“Well, just two,” she said.
I mean, I think the problem is, mathematically, pretty obvious.
I’ve already read this entire thread and found it both fascinating and helpful. Thank you to everyone who has contributed the many anecdotes and pieces of advice. After lurking in this thread, I can finally contribute.
I’m a female in my early twenties with very little dating experience. It’s only been recently that I’ve had any serious interest in relationships of the romantic sort. Several months ago, I signed up on OkCupid not expecting much at all. To be honest, reading this thread was what finally motivated me to make an account. I figured I didn’t have anything to lose and it might be a fun time-waster. Recently, someone sent me a message, and his usage of proper English grammar and spelling convinced me to reply. However, his profile left an unfavorable impression, so I attempted to word my response in a way that didn’t call for any more exchanges. To my surprise, he sent another message anyway. We continued to write each other until he sent me a message that sparked some serious interest on my part. Over the course of a week, we kept going back and forth, and I found myself looking forward to reading his replies. Eventually, he asked if I was willing to meet him in person. I accepted the invitation without any hesitation.
In short, the meeting went very well and we’ve gotten together a few times since, but I now find myself a bit confused. He turned out to be one of the most awesome people I’ve met. I could go on and on about all the things I admire about him. However, I am not physically attracted to him. He is a good-looking guy but he’s not the kind of good-looking that normally catches my eye. If I look back on all the men I’ve found attractive in the past, they share several common physical characteristics. I have a definite type, and this guy is not it. It’s not that he repulses me in any way, but let’s just say that during the times we spent together, I never thought, “Can we just make out now?”
I currently hold the opinion that if I’m not physically attracted to him now, then I never will be. My friends have encouraged me to go out with him a few more times because it’s too soon to give up on him. I just don’t think it’s enough to be attracted to someone only on an intellectual level. A particular friend believes that physical chemistry can develop over time. She suspects that I’m buying too much into the “love at first sight” concept, that there has to be an instant physical attraction. As I said earlier, I’m not very experienced when it comes to this sort of thing, so I’m not quite sure how to handle the situation. A part of me wants to go ahead and have the “let’s just be friends” conversation; another part worries that it would be a hasty move since he and I are still getting to know one another.
Spare everyone the “let’s just be friends conversation” because it is dismissive and meaningless in the online dating world. You aren’t going to ever be friends with him in a meaningful way. Chemistry is important but it isn’t everything. Look, you need experience to even be qualified to know what you really want. If this guy is close enough for now, I would just run with it to gain the experience. You don’t have to get married and chances are you wouldn’t even if you did like everything about him. Good enough for now is sometimes the best thing going. Break up when something actually bad happens like everyone else does. You need that experience too.
I belatedly agree to the keep seeing him and see if attraction grows suggestion!
How are things though?
I have to wonder if the spectrum of attraction is narrower for women than men. I have a type, but that doesn’t stop me from finding women who are not of the type physically attractive.
As for pertinent advice? Keep looking. Continue dating, if you like but there’s no reason to dive head first into exclusivity already.
Hey all…
I’m happily married, but I have a friend who is just diving in to online dating.
Can you check out his profile and give any tips?