While am here, I want to do some moaning as well, if I may.
Went on a date on a whim to meet a guy who lives 500 km away. I had a free weekend, was in need of a break and I thought “nice weekend in a nice place with a nice guy - why not?”. Instead I found a great weekend with a great guy in a really fun place. But, you know, 500 km, so it’s pretty much dead in the water. Typical, of all the dates I try I gel with the one who lives on the other side of the country.
sulk
Look on the bright side, at least it’s a small country.
Two quick phone calls or texts ending your “relationships” with these two losers will suffice. I can’t believe anybody would even consider Guy #1. A cheater who doesn’t respond and who also emailed inappropriate content to a minor–WHAT? Run as fast as you can!
Hmmmm, I was sure that she was off her head, but put it that way I can sort of relate. Me personally, since the messages he did send were nice (she let me read one), I’d still be inclined to tell him straight up I’d like a change of gears before giving up on the project altogether, but I can see where you’re coming from.
What is up with the houdini thing? I keep having fun, maybe not mindblowingly-spectacular, but fun, dates with girls who just vanish off the face of the earth. I’m not a weirdo or unattractive dude. Is it just the people who are attracted to online dating might not have the same general abilities of face-to-face interaction as the rest of the population?
Never, although I will say this that a lot of attractive and intelligent women can put up a bit of a front. I guess this may in part be due to being hit on by sleazebags but I have found a simple g’day breaks the ice.
The world of internet dating sites is truly a weird and wonderful place. One message I sent was absolutely, ridiculously infantile, a real piece of linguistic debris.
“d 1st ting i notiss is u have no eyes but ur hot, do u wanna get it on, long time, baby, ooh yeah, hot yeah ooh. ha ha”
I think I was drunk as I’ve never sent anything but a paragraph of polite prose. Imagine how surprised I was when I received a reply, and now we’ve been chatting for a few days. 
Mind you, she is a special educational needs teacher.
I feel like Charlie Brown on Halloween. “All I got was a rock”, except instead of a rock it’s a message from a woman in Ukraine.
Would it make feel better if I told you it probably wasn’t a woman? 
Not especially, but I appreciate the effort.
So this is strange. I had been chatting to a cute guy and then he disappears for about a week. This morning he sent me a message asking if I have been getting his messages as they seem to have been blocked. I didn’t block him. To be clear, before this message, the last message was mine, so it was his reply I allegedly didn’t get.
I think I’m not buying it. I think he has probably been dating someone else and is now making an excuse. Because 1. I have never heard of such problems with OKC systems - has anyone? 2. if someone stopped messaging me I would assume that person had just lost interest not that there was a system failure and 3. how can he send me a “did you get my message” message, if I’m meant not to be getting them.
The thing is, it’s a dating site, so I’m perfectly okay with him dating someone else. A simple “I was busy” would have done the job, no need for this convoluted excuse. Or does anyone think I should believe him or has had genuine issues with the OKC messaging system.
If you block someone, it appears to them that you deleted/deactivated your profile. I don’t think there’s any way to tell which was which. So if you did somehow temporarily block him and then unblock him (unlikely), his question would more likely be “I tried to send you a message but it says your account didn’t exist, so I thought you deactivated it” - there would never, as far as I can tell, be a moment where he was trying to send a message it would say “you can’t send a message to this user, you’re blocked”, he would never be able to start the message.
You could ask him to tell you more specifically - instead of seeming like you were interrogating him, you could say a “huh, that’s strange, OKC must be broken, what did it say? I wonder if other people are having that problem” sort of thing. Maybe there really was some sort of problem. But most likely he’s bullshitting you.
That’s not true unless they changed something. My understanding is that when you block someone all that happens is that if they send you a message it just goes into the ether. The reason being is that if you block someone because they’re sending you 8 messages a day, they’ll just set up a new account if they know they’ve been blocked. This way, they think you’re getting the messages and you have no idea that they’re doing it.
Joey may be right. There were some people whose profiles just disappeared that I thought had blocked me, but apparently (tested by having someone look for the profiles that didn’t appear to exist) those profiles were indeed deactivated, so maybe they didn’t block me and it was just a coincidence. If someone happens to have a friend with an account, have them block you and see what happens. I might do that later if no one else can test it.
And while you’re at it, send a message to one of those blocked people and I’m willing to bet it’ll appear to go through as far as you can tell.
Well, let me know what happens. I didn’t get any dodgy vibes off the guy, but then again, I find it a bit strange. This online dating thing does make us very skeptical, doesn’t it? Not particularly invested in the guy, but just curious.
Okay, another OKCupid technical question. Does anyone know what it means when someone’s messages don’t reach you for hours? Someone sent me a message at like 12:45am, but it didn’t actually show up in my messages received box until about 6am. Then again that person sent me a message around 10pm (that’s when it’s time stamped, that’s when it says they were last on the site too) and I didn’t get it until sometime late but I’m not sure exactly when.
The reason I ask is that there’s sort of a suspicious thing going on. Some stunningly beautiful girl contacted me because I mention an interest in photography and she was looking to get some free modeling blah blah, but it’s kinda weird since she picked me, since I’m not a professional and I only mention it as a hobby in my profile. I figure she may be trying to steal my kidneys.
So I was wondering if the delayed message thing made it more suspicious, like, some sort of throttling or something. Maybe if a new account sends out too many messages or something like that. Although I don’t know what good a delay would do in that instance.
Just wagging, but could it be due to a difference between her timezone and yours?
So, this was an interesting one, I was going to ask for advice, but since I know I’m easy to track from the dating sites to here, I try not to talk about current situations. I’d feel really awkward if I found someone talking about me.
I emailed a girl, oh, about a year ago and never heard back. Then a few days ago she shows back up so I emailed her again and much to my surprise she replies. We talk back and forth for a few days and last week we start talking about trying to set up a meeting time. Last week I suggested meeting on Friday, but she said she was busy all weekend, how about early next [this] week and we set up a meet for Monday after work. As usual, communications slowed down a bit over the weekend. She was busy (as she stated) and I didn’t want to jinx things. On Monday afternoon I sent her an email (I should state that I did have her cell phone number at this point) asking if we were still on and what she wanted to do and let her know that I got off of work at 7. She cancelled, saying she forget she had to babysit.
I said it was no big deal, lets try to reschedule for tomorrow and offered to even meet her later that night if it wasn’t too late.
I didn’t get a reply that night and since she cancelled on me and I offered to meet her the next night, I waited to hear back from her. I didn’t want to email her again at the next day asking if we were still on. She cancelled, didn’t reschedule so we weren’t really ‘on’ for anything and I didn’t want her to feel like I was pestering her*.
So, the next night I get a text from her “Sorry I had to cancel last night, maybe next week”
I replied “No big deal” and told her what days would work for me (including some days this week).
She wrote back “We can try again for Monday. If it really doesn’t matter, I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time”.
Wait what? So, the only thing I can think is that my “no big deal” attitude is giving her a ‘I’m not that interested’ vibe, when in reality, I just trying not to come off as desperate. I’m certainly not going to beg her for a date. Besides, I did offer to wait for her to finish babysitting and meet her later, right?
So, I wrote back “Monday works, not sure what you meant, I’m still looking forward to meeting you”
To which she replied “Ok, just asking, you’ve had the opportunity to contact me and have chosen otherwise”
So, now I’m going back and forth between “phew” and “the fuck?!” Is she mad that I skipped a day, is she mad that I didn’t call her when she gave me her cell phone number?
So, now I’m all “Wow, that’s super clingy for someone I haven’t even met yet”/“Okay, how do I word this, fuckit, I already have one person I have to carefully word every text message with [ex-wife] I don’t need two” Slow down, take a deep breath, maybe it’s just some weird mis-communication on one of our parts…so I wrote back “Sorry, certainly wasn’t intentional”
The next day [today] I wrote back an email saying that I was sorry about this mix up and this is why I like to move from emails to meeting in real life ASAP blah blah blah, Monday works, Friday works too if it frees up for you blah blah blah. I got a Thanks but no thanks reply.
Too bad, the emails were going really well, but things started to get weird when she made that “you’ve had the opportunity to contact me” comment. I was actually going to end it myself when she said that. I was going to say something along the lines of “If you’re looking for someone that’s going to text or call you throughout the day, I’m never going to be that guy especially with someone haven’t even met yet” or “Hey, you’re the one who cancelled on me, I asked you about Tuesday I was sitting at home waiting to hear back from you, don’t put this on me”…when I realized I was having an argument with someone I hadn’t met yet, I figured it was over. I tried to save it (mostly for the sake of going out on a date), but it was probably to late as soon as she started it.
When she sent the last email (it was more along the lines of 'we don’t actually have anything in common…) I was going to send back a “Whatever” or maybe even a nice “If you ever change your mind” but instead I just deleted all the emails and hid her. I’ll just move on.
Come to think of it, she did check my page fairly often during our correspondence which means she was either clingy or on the fence. Either way, that’s probably not good.
*Now that I write the word ‘pester’, I kind of think that’s what she wanted. I get the feeling she wants someone that will call her when she cancels the date and try to set up a new one. Someone that will send her “Hi” texts throughout the day I’m just not that guy, I’m far to laid back and patient to do that. Oh well.
She sounds crazy as hell.