Quite possibly the most difficult thing to learn. At least for me.
True - and I didn’t mean to sound so matter of fact about it, because it is a hard thing to put into practice. But it really will make a world of difference in your entire outlook because you (collective) won’t put so much emphasis on a couple of emails or a potentially promising first meeting or phone call, and then get discouraged/defeatist when it fizzles for whatever reason those things fizzle (and they do, more than they pan out; it’s just the nature of the beast).
No no, didn’t mean to imply you were making it sound easy. I just wanted to underline it, because it is true.
I’m very much an all-or-nothing kind of person. With some exceptions, I’m either obsessing over a thing or it doesn’t factor into my daily life at all. This gets…problematic when the thing is another person.
I’m sorry for coming across way harsh. Tony’s post just hit a trigger for me, because I’ve had a few instances recently where I’ve been the brunt of the “Sigh, I guess I’ll just give up, there’s noone out there for me” posts, from a couple of guys I’ve ended up friends (not Friends) with, and on a few profiles.
I totally get how disheartening it is. There’s some months where I feel like a leper, because guys who seem perfect either just drop off the map, or don’t seem to want to respond to/contact me in the first place. Do I smell funny?
But I’m serious, that kind of defeatist attitude does come through. And sometimes a girl might think “Oh, you’re not that bad” and throw a pity some pity attention a guy’s way (done it myself, more fool me) but after a couple of instances of constantly having to shore up someone else’s ego, you become wary of it.
It’s too bad this virtual community wasn’t a real one and we all didn’t live in a town called Doperville. I’m sure we’d make great matches for each other. Looking at my fellow Dopers on OKCupid, my highest match is Shot From Guns at 98%, while my lowest is Joey P at 79%, who actually lives near her. My lowest friend/highest enemy is EvilTOJ at 71%/31%, who, ironically, lives near me. 79% and 71% aren’t that low. We have lots of great Doper couples already.
EDIT: fixed typo
There’s a reason for that though. Think about this. If you take a ‘random’ poll about how many people have had anal sex, but you do it in a class about human sexuality you’re going to get high results because the people taking the class are likely to already be a bit more open minded to various types of sex vs the general population.
Dopers are going to match somewhat what well with each other because we tend to think somewhat similarly, tend to be intelligent (many of us probably get the IQ/logic questions correct), skew left politically, are going to be okay with pre-marital sex etc. In short, we [dopers] match not because of coincidence but because it’s not a fair sample set (is that the right terminology). Or, IOW, we don’t match because we’re dopers…we are Dopers because we match.
ETA, you probably already knew that though, I assume that’s why you said it.
Yes, I already knew that Joey P.; that is why I posted it. Plus the ironic part about the lady who actually lives near you isn’t your best Doper match and the dude who actually lives near me is almost my lowest Doper match. IOW, we match up better in our virtual communities sometimes than our actual ones.
I just posted my profile on another website and I’m getting more random dudes visiting me, who are also high matches. Or they could be Dopers bringing up the rear. Or SFG is right and I am just that awesome.
EDIT: another typo
My nemesis! shakes fist angrily
I’ve come to the point where if a girl slaps me, that’ll be a step up from being ignored completely. 
No, I’m not fishing for pity or anything like that. I’m saying that if you step up to the plate 500 times and never get on base even one time, maybe it’s time to hang up the batting gloves.
Or maybe I need to hire a better batting coach.
By the way, I just realize my little baseball analogy refers to the “get to first base” metaphor. I didn’t even mean that. I could have chosen thrown darts or something like that.
I don’t even want to begin to guess what Freud would conclude about what “hiring a better batting coach” might mean!
Water guns at noon at Waterfront Park near Salmon Street Springs
There’s a woman who is a 98% match who lives as far as I can get by bus (important since I don’t drive) I only have only issue preventing me from contacting her, but it’s a dealbreaker. All her photos are clearly dated. In her oldest photo she’s overweight, but in her most recent she’s morbidly obese. If she still looked like her old photo, I’d definitely message her. She has a cute face. I feel so shallow because otherwise she sounds awesome for me.
And let me guess, for body type she put “curvy” or “a few extra pounds.”
Anyways, I’d go with the most recent picture. I think it’s safe to assume if she were back down to ‘overweight’ she’d update her pictures and get rid of the morbidly obese ones.
And yes, I feel pretty shallow doing this too, but when all you have is a few paragraphs and a handful of pictures, that’s kind of the way it works…don’t think the girls aren’t doing the same thing.
I have to assume many of the girls that I skipped right passed based on shallow reasons I may have hit it off with had I met them in real life under circumstances that didn’t involve someone saying “Do you want to have sex with her?” or “Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with her?” but rather getting to know them through mutual friends or hanging out at the same place.
(Dating websites are basically trying to find someone with whom you’d answer yes to both of these questions…and they would say the same about you)
It might mean “hiring a dating coach”. They do exist.
Are dating coaches legitimate, though or just glorified psychologists telling you what you already know anyway? But then, what have I got to lose? A friend told me I should get a “dating 101” book and I thought it’s just silly. But I’m thinking of giving in and giving it a shot and maybe looking one over from the library.
I think that’s the problem. Obesity. I am a little overweight, nothing to write home about, but I have morbidly obese women messaging me all the time so far. I simply cannot physically be with an obese woman, which the OKCupid website is dominated with. Its certainly an issue worth discussing.
I’ve thought of the same thing, but is there anything less than 101? The appropriate dating class for me would include graham crackers and naps.
Hi, I’m Chris Hansen. Why don’t you have a seat right over there?
I was just coming to talk…I swear
Then why do you have beer and condoms in your backpack?
Wow, I have been lurking here for about a week, and lately the conversation has really taken off!
I have to chime in and say that so far, I have found OKC to have many more close matches for me that Match (I live in Kansas City).
Also, I am separated pending divorce. Yes, I read two entire threads about dating while you are still ‘married’, and I chose to do so anyway. Not a lot of interest, but that’s ok.
How far away are y’all willing to message people? I live in Portland. If I look within a 250 mile radius, I get tons of intriguing marches in Seattle (170 mi.);Tacoma, WA (140 mi.); Corvallis, OR (90 mi.); Eugene, OR (120 mi.); and Salem, OR (60 mi.) I’m really tempted to message some of them, but it’s complicated by the fact I don’t drive/ have a car. OTOH, I have long distance pen pals checked.