The *other* meaning of words

Salubrious: Slippery, but good for you
Xenophobia: An irrational fear of inert gasses
Discombobulate: A badly organised dance venue.
Convention: A gathering of nuns
Edifice: The building in which one would choose to marry one’s mother
Unequivocal: A voice that is a noticably different volume to others
Universe: A poem that is only one stanza long

Any others?

Threads: Clothing

Shakespeare: (v) The act of sobering up a drinking buddy
Einstein: (n) The first beer served to you in Munich
Washington: (n) The daily output at Lee’s Chinese Laundry

Equate (n) A number on a bathroom scale which brings a cry of alarm.

Livery (n) The art of cooking organ meats.

Delve (n) Two dozen.

Amsterdam (interjection) A mutterance of frustration among Dopers of a certain accent.

Twit: A singular pronoun with two antecedents

Mambo: A maternal dance

Gratuitous: Characterized by generous tipping

Carpenter: One who digs graves for fish

Symphony: Music played on many communications devices
Chromasome: A moderate amount of chrome plating

Internet Dating- A date between two nets of different variety

Melencholy: A strain of Cholera prevalent in watermelons

Luftwaffe: A breakfast food made in a hayloft

Main Mix: When a sound board is used to stir batter

Hagiography - A print medium in which impressions are made on a paper using an inked sheep stomach.

petroglyphs - symbols used by oil refineries to distinguish themselves from other refineries

refinery: elegant clothing that has been purchased secondhand
distinguish: to rekindle a blaze

hootenanny - a senior citizen who works as a waitress at a certain restaurant where the uniform features hot-pants and a t-shirt with an owl on it.

Tuscaloosa - The last thing an elephant wants to hear from an Italian dentist.

Buccaneer - Way too much to pay for corn.

Retrofit–Yes, you may well have been able to get into those pants 10 years ago. Now you can’t. Just accept it.

Predict–Your state before the salesman, ex-spouse, etc. takes you for all you’re worth.

Futon–the elemental particle of sleep.

Debrief–To take off a man’s underwear.

Massage–a very heavy e-mail

I forgot a few:

Delete–to translate from childish hacker-speak into English.

Reveal–to turn a cow into back into a calf.

Screwball–an orgy with dancing.

Popsicle–your dad’s long machete.

Acorn–absolutely not kitch, camp, or cheese.

Loblolly–Throwing your candy.

Amaze–to get un-lost.

Supervision – the act of overlooking things.

Oxymoron® (proper noun) A pimple treatment product for dimwits.

Seniority (v) I saw you dye your shirt.

Lager (n) A lumberjack in Massachussets.

Troll (v) To trill in a low register.

Modelmaker- She wants to date a message board staffer.

Keystroke (n) one cause of death in south Florida.

Consider: A criminal’s accomplice
Deskill: To ensure the demise of office furniture
Runic: An article of clothing designed for middle distance track events