So sorry to hear this.
Oh no. I am so very sorry.
I am very sorry to learn of your great loss.
Please accept my sympathies.
I hope I don’t come across as a stranger giving unwelcome advice, since I am mostly a lurker and it is strange that I know you better than you know me. But I noticed two things with my mother’s recent death that may help you.
If you don’t want to hear light advice from a stranger right now, please skip my post.
First of all, mom donated her body to the local university. It was generous and beautiful and I never would have dreamed about going against her wishes. And I’m so proud of her. But it made me sad to not have her cremains at a memorial. I didn’t expect that. And I felt sad every time I got a letter or phone call unexpectedly from the University. Thank you notes, memorial notices, her cremains, etc. Each time these showed up in the mail they interrupted my day with thoughts of her that I wasn’t necessarily prepared for. It was a perfectly acceptable price to pay to support moms choice, but it was odd. I also got a strange and unexpected sense of envy, that medical students got to be so intimate with my mother in a way I could never be. My point is, things will come up unexpectedly. Some of these things will be things others can’t relate to. Remind yourself that it’s normal.
The second thing is that, although you are an introvert, you should be aware that your local hospice probably has grief support groups, or walk-in counselors or phone counselors. May I suggest you find their phone number and learn about their services? Even if you never use them, you may gain comfort just by knowing they are there.
Again, please accept my sympathies, and if my advice is unwelcome, please reject it and forgive.
I’m glad you reached out to your community and shared with us all.
may his memory be eternal.
we will remember him always.
I am SO sorry for your loss.
I’m always sorry to hear about someone losing a loved one, but I’m more sorry this time, because I feel more invested in The Other Shoe, and his recovery.
But sometimes, life just sucks.
When someone from my church who had MS (finally) passed away–he had an especially fast-moving and nasty form, and spent a long time bedridden and mostly unable to communicate. . .
the following Sunday, after each service, there were Cupcakes for everyone, to celebrate his life, and his release from suffering.
There may well have been a more traditional memorial service also, but I loved the story of the cupcakes.
My mother-in-law lost her husband at a fairly young age. I overheard her giving this piece of advice to another recently-bereaved family member once. She said: Don’t make any major decisions in the first year. Don’t sell the house, don’t buy a house. Don’t move to a different city. Just… nothing major, for a year. Give yourself time to grieve and process things.
I thought that was pretty good advice so I thought I’d share it with you. And yeah, hold on to that ring.
I’m so sorry, purplehorseshoe.
Like so many others, I followed the thread(s) about your husband and was thrilled when he got to go home. This is such a shock, I don’t even know what to say. Take care of yourself.
I don’t have words. Sorry. Big hugs.
So sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was at peace at the end. It was his decision to shield you from his pain, he must have been a brave man. Take care of yourself. Know you are not alone and others feel your grief, even at a distance. Let us know if we can do anything. We will always listen. 
purplehorseshoe , I’m so sorry for your loss…
There’s been some good advice already given, but I know that the black humor and leaning on those around you can do wonders. Don’t hesitate to hit the boards or pm some of us when you need a shoulder.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.
You and Johnny fought the good fight and I remember feeling happy for the two of you when he was able to return to your home. It is with tears in my eyes that I tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. May God bless you and keep you strong.
I am truly sorry for your loss. In my personal experience, The Dope is a wonderful place to get some great perspective on traumatic things. Take care of yourself.
LiliesOfTheField (and maybe purplehorseshoe too), you may want to know that you can have have a cenotaph at cemetery without remains. It’s just usually a small plaque with the name and date of death, but larger ones may be available. It gives you and others a place to bring flowers and remember your loved one.
I am so, so sorry. I was another one who followed your other threads about him, and I never dreamed I’d be reading this one. I know that he was a very good man.
This. I don’t think there’s a wrong way to mourn.
Also, try to figure out if you’ll regret not going - if you will regret it, it will be tough, but you can do it. There’s not a thing to be ashamed of - if you sob uncontrollably, or if you can’t stand to be friendly to a hundred people that you hardly know, or if you spend most of it in a back room alone - everyone there understands that you’re doing the best you can in a very difficult situation.
(((Purplehorseshoe))) I’m so sorry for your loss
I followed your other thread all the way through, though I never posted in it. I was SO relieved when he came home. You’re right - don’t hurry the memorial until you’re ready to deal with it. Some things take time, and as long as you have the time, take it.
I approve!
Wa thinking to do the same.
Nitpick: (cuz hey, it’s the dope!) it’s steel. Unpretentious everyday metal just suited us better.
Oh, fuck that noise. Shielding me, and even more so shielding his parents, hiding so much from them, meant we couldn’t help him when he needed it the most.