I don’t know if it will help, purple, but you might think of it as trying to be in control of something himself rather than shielding you. I mean, he surely was frustrated and angry, and maybe just wanted some part of his life to be his choice. So he chose to try to keep his pain a little to himself. Maybe it would not have played out any differently even if he hadn’t done that. Just don’t be second-guessing yourself (easier said than done I know).
And if you want to be pissed off at him, that’s OK too.
I read the thread title, and I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. I can’t imagine how you feel actually dealing with everything. I’m so, so sorry. It’s so damn unfair.
I’ll echo what others have said above - it’s normal to feel guilty, but try to remind yourself that it’s not accurate. You don’t have to try not to feel it, but you don’t have to believe the feeling. And it’s OK to be mad at him too.
Do what you need to to take care of yourself. And please come here and touch base once in a while. We care about you.
oh gads. I am so sorry. I can’t \offer anything other than thoughts of strength and peace for you and the rest of the family, but know you have those in abundance.
I hope this is OK to say but I read that and thought, “Yeah, she’s going to come through this ok.” I know it sucks beyond all things that have ever sucked, but you have a backbone of steel, it seems, as well as a hell of a lot of people pulling for you.
I just saw this today, and I am so very sorry. This is so completely unfair and wrong, after everything you’ve been through in the past year or so. As others have been saying, please know that it’s okay to be feeling whatever you feel at any given time. Mourning isn’t one thing: it’s just how you get through every day that comes. I hope you can be easy on yourself - and maybe even on the idiot family members who say unkind or stupid things to you. None of this is your fault in any way.
If there is anything that we invisible friends can do for you, please don’t be too shy (or proud) to ask. It might even make some of us feel a little less useless at this time.
I had read the other threads but never posted, but was pulling for you both. I am so sorry about both his illness and death and amazed at your strength. I wish you peace.
It’s what people say. It got under my skin when people said it to me when my kid was sick, too. I know you don’t feel strong and think that even if in moments you might be strong due to a lack of alternatives, you’d rather be totally weak and yet have your husband back. At least, that is how I felt.
Mostly I’m just glad to see you still posting. (Also, someday when you are up for it, I hope you get to tell his aunt what a massive bitch she was to you. Grief excuses a lot of things, but not everything.)
I’m so very sorry. You’ve been through the wringer these past few months, but I thought you’d pulled through. Please know that we’re here with you, even though virtual connections seem very inadequate at a time like this. If I could hug you through the screen, I could.
Best of luck to you in getting through the days ahead.
As someone who has been through a traumatic experience or two, I would like to just say that although people seem to feel this is a helpful statement to make, I often found it annoying to enraging, and it seems as though purplehorseshoe may feel the same way, and it would be cool if people would respect that.
