I used to get that when I was going through chemotherapy. “You’re being so strong about this.” Strong? I’m surviving. It’s not a strength thing, it’s just muddling through the day.
It’s hard to offer condolences to people because everyone’s different. We’re all just trying to tell you we’re thinking about you and we hope you can pull through this without the pain becoming too overpowering. We’re all just words on a screen, but there’s real caring behind some of those words.
I don’t care if you’re a tree or a worm. I just wish there was some way to help - and that’s selfishness on my part because from reading your posts, I like you and I hate to think of you in such pain, and there’s not a goddamned thing I can do about it.
Do what ya gotta do to get through the day…
Very, very sorry for your loss.
Purplehorseshoe, thank you for sharing Johnny w/ us for the last many months. I hate that it’s pain heaped on frustration, piled high w/ layers of awful circumstance. I’m sorry there’s no one on earth who can take any piece of that off your back.
I followed along the hospital thread and the home thread filled w/ optimism for you both. Now it’s simply optimism for you and the life you’ll keep living. It’ll keep showing up, even when you don’t want it to and someday you’ll rejoin it fully as a woman whose circumstances are different now.
Please let someone who’s at arm’s length from you be privvy to what’s going on in your daily life so they can keep an eye out for the pests who seek to gain in times like this. I’m that person right now for a friend and people have sought to take advantage who I would never have thought could stoop so low.
I wish you peace.
I’m another lurker who’d been following the other threads and was saddened to log on this morning and see this. So very sorry for your loss.
I think it comes from your handling of John’s illness. There were other options but to keep striving and to stay together. That may not be how you perceived the situation, of course. I didn’t stay with my husband because I was strong, but because I loved him and wanted to stay. But there are still choices that we all are making all the time, and people respect those who don’t always seem to be choosing the easiest path (even if “easy” is relative, or misunderstood).
But there is also just the crushing power of grief. There are people who lose themselves in it. It takes something to get through, and everyone on here wants you to get through.
Surviving is underrated. Everyone who makes it through is impressive and amazing to me.
Geez, purplehorseshoe, just learnng about all this and I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss and all you’re going through. You’ll be in my thoughts.
My deepest sympathies on your loss.
Anger is good. Get it out. I had trouble getting angry when my son died. It all burst out all at once on a stranger. I’m lucky I didn’t get arrested.
So, get mad whenever one of us gives you a platitude or some stupid advice. We will take it and come back for more.
I know the sdmb leans non-religious, but is anyone interested in attending a brief Catholic Mass this Wednesday evening? It’s at St. Peter the apostle downtown off Woodall.
http://www.stpeterdal.com/page5.html
I didn’t know this but apparently Johnny’s aunt attended that church for a while. My mother has attended it since I was 10 years old. **** They (his parents) set up this Mass and didn’t tell me or return my mom’s calls. Like she wasn’t going to immediately find out. So it’s all turning into. A Bigger ball of drama and mess than it all has to be. So fair warning. But I hoped if a bunch of anonymous strangers showed up it might shame them all into keeping a civil tongue in their respective heads. I dunno …
**** explanation for the curious/bored: Aunt L. attended Saturday services which, my mother being an OldSkool Catholic, my mother always eschewed. The church draws a heavy Polish-centric crowd once a week, and my mom is from Over There. So that’s how they could attend the same church without ever meeting, and how has parents were able to do this weird end run around my folks on the Mass.
They know my mother. They shoulda known she was going to find out.
purplehorseshoe, if there was a way I could be there I SO WOULD. You’ll be in my thoughts - I’m sorry they did this to you. I can’t do much of anything from here, but know I’m thinking about you and sending all the good thoughts and strength I can.
I hope some dopers can be there to shame these folks into being nice but even if not know that many of us are with you in spirit. Grief does bring out the worst in some and I’m sorry you’re having to see that up close. Just remember you are a member of the SDMB biker gang and we take no shit from no one. Drama indeed!
Ah , in all that ranting and raving I should have specified: The mass this Wednesday at St Peters is supposed to be in memory of Johnny. I really hope it doesn’t turn into some sort of drama, but Aside from that I know of you dopers are religious.
SOME of you are religious. I’m not stalking anyone … I’m just typing on a phone!
Since I can’t be there in person, I’ll say the beads for him on Wednesday.
I had no idea Dallas was so Polish.
StG
You might want to have a word with the priest, just to let him know who you are and why you are turning up for the service.
He’s Da Man with regard to encouraging certain persons to “(keep) a civil tongue in their respective heads”. Unless very newly ordained, he’ll have heard worse and weirder.
What the others have said here. You don’t really know how strong you are until you actually see yourself coming out the other side but others can see it long before you.
That said, it really does suck to be you right now. You’ve had a colossal amount of crap heaped on you and you DID NOT deserve any more. If there is absolutely any way we can help you, we will. You know that, or so I hope. We are here to say, "Go ahead, rail against the gods of fairness; rail against those who are thoughtless; rail against life itself. We are in agreement with you. We will hold you and make you a glass of sweet tea or hot chocolate or ignore you if that is what you need.
You have only to ask or to cry out.
I’m not in Dallas myself, but I do have friends who are and would be willing to help you or just be with you. I can even fly down there if that is what you need. We are here for you because you were there for Johnny.
I’m not religious at all, but I’d be there if I was in town.
I’ll be at a farewell party for a co-worker, but I’ll raise a glass in TOS’s memory, and your honor.
I’m late, and I’m sorry. Just saw this thread and had to tell you how sorry I am. I don’t have the way with words that so many other people do… I don’t know how to convey to you how much I care.
I’ll be thinking about you, purplehorseshoe.
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:261, topic:668047”]
I used to get that when I was going through chemotherapy. “You’re being so strong about this.” Strong? I’m surviving. It’s not a strength thing, it’s just muddling through the day.
It’s hard to offer condolences to people because everyone’s different. We’re all just trying to tell you we’re thinking about you and we hope you can pull through this without the pain becoming too overpowering. We’re all just words on a screen, but there’s real caring behind some of those words.
[/QUOTE]
Sometimes it takes all the strength in the world to muddle through.
Exactly.
Thinking of you and the other shoe.
Rick