I’m so sorry to hear this. I know that you did all you could do.
I have experienced similar pain.
Please take care of yourself.
I am here if you ever need to talk…
Big warm hugs.
I’m so, so sorry. The two of you fought so bravely, and helped me immensely when I needed to learn how to be brave. Please be gentle with yourself, and ask for help if you need it.
Oh my goodness, how sad. 
Don’t blame yourself for this. You had no reason to think this would happen. Who would ever expect something this horrible to happen?
Since it sounds like he didn’t try to call 911 himself, I suspect that whatever happened came on so suddenly that there was probably nothing you could have done even if you had been there, unfortunately. Even if someone is around to give CPR immediately when someone collapses, usually CPR doesn’t work in the vast majority of cases. I just mention this so you hopefully don’t feel like something you did or didn’t do caused this outcome. There is no reason to think you did anything wrong or that you could have changed things.
I wonder if his aunt is in shock and taking it out on you because she isn’t thinking straight. There is nothing at all wrong with not crying. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and the person who cries the hardest isn’t necessarily the person who has the strongest feelings.
I hope that you can take comfort in good memories of your Johnny. It sounds like you had a very special relationship. He was lucky to have you and vice versa.
Very, very sorry to read this.
If it happened so suddenly that he couldn’t have called you or 911 himself, there is likely little you could have done. But it sounds like he laid down to rest, and just slipped away. Which you also could not have done anything about.
As others have posted, be gentle with yourself. Your threads on your Other Shoe’s illness and recovery testify to the battle he fought, and to your care, advocacy, and hard work every day of it.
The same gang who posted on those threads still cares about you and will offer what practical and supportive messages we can.
You probably won’t listen to us right now (and I don’t blame you), but please don’t blame yourself for this. You made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Jesus, that seems like such a useless thing to say, but it’s from the heart.
So sorry to hear this, purplehorseshoe.
Listen to what Cat Whisperer said. This is not your fault. I beat myself up for years over not being by my father’s side when he died, and it didn’t change a thing. You made the choice you needed to make given the information you had at the time. You have enough to deal with right now without blaming yourself for it.
Take care of yourself, and vent here whenever you need to.
To add to the chorus:
I am so very sorry to hear this. Please accept my condolences.
Please do not blame yourself for going to work. No matter when it happened, you would have wished you had done something to stop it. You couldn’t. You and he did the best you could, and life just isn’t kind sometimes. I wish it weren’t so.
(*should * have edited my previous post – meant to express sorrow on reading of the Other Shoe’s death, not on the text of purplehorseshoe’s original post)
Oh, no. I’m so sorry to hear this.
Oh no. I’m so sorry.
Been there.
Sometimes all you can do is endure & hang tough.
You will come out the other side.
Oh my dear, I am so sad and sorry for your loss. I wish there was more we could do, could say … we were all so hopeful for better and reading your posts and cheering the both of you on.
You did the most and the very best you could … that is everything. There is nothing more than everything.
Nothing to blame yourself for, please don’t do that.
We are here for you as you walk through this. Don’t withdraw, please; let us be here for you. Tell us what you need, what we can do.
noooooooo
You did everything you could and more. Do what you need to now, for yourself. Loss follows no rules. There aren’t any. Know that we want to help however we can, whenever you need us. I am so sorry.
Oh no! And I was thinking about you guys earlier… so sorry to hear this.
(((((purplehorseshoe)))))
Jesus Christ purplehorseshoe, you poor woman. I’m so sorry.
i am so sorry. The both of you have been through a tremendous amount of stress. I can’t imagine how it feels to do all that you did and saw progress and now this.
I’m sorry. Wish there was something I could do.
I’m so sorry for your loss. As others have said, don’t blame yourself one little bit. Take care and be good to yourself, for John’s sake.
My condolences. You have friends, both physical and electronic, so make use of them when you can. Cry when you’re ready.