A moderately amusing encyclopedia classifying the people you meet on vacation. Which are you? What are they missing?
Partial List (excerpt)
The Negotiator
This traveler is hellbent on finagling an upgrade at the front desk. They want a bigger room, a table with a view, a rental car with leather seats. What they don’t want is to pay extra. They’ll chase their goal with different strategies, from laying it on thick to raging with entitled demands.
The Carpe Diem
These people are technically on vacation, but they’re not sleeping in. They’re down at the pool at 7 a.m., seizing the day while you’re snoozing in bed. By the time you drag yourself to the breakfast buffet, they’re halfway through their beach read.
The Mayor
These people are not actual tour guides or hired by the hotel. They’re civilians giving you tips and insights like they own a place — whether you asked or not. They’ve been here two days, but have established themselves mayor of the pool, guardian of the hotel lobby and master of local customs. Take their advice with caution.
Technically part of “The Party”, the natural mates of Woo Girls.
Other than the retirees, it’s a pretty contemptuous list. Nobody’s mellow and offers you their map or binoculars, or has a conversation about a dog or gelato. Most people I meet who are also on vacation are reasonably pleasant and at worst, slightly boring. Some are delightful, helpful, and interesting. YMMV.
I get that’s supposed to be a comedic list, but the vast vast majority of the people I meet are just other normal tourists.
Most fellow tourists I have conversations with are trading local intel with me. That info is pure gold because of all the people there, they are the only ones who will give you an unbiased (or unmonetized) opinion about the places, people, and experiences you should seek out and those you should avoid.
On the list I’m sort of a cross between The Retiree and The Carpe Diem, minus the dancing and beach reading. Plus, I’d have to add a big helping of a category the author missed: The Roadside Attraction Geek.
My gf and I are a perfect vacation match, both Carpe Diems. Up with the sun, ready to hit the beach.
One year in St Martin we stopped for dinner at Tutta Pasta, eager to catch up with Warren, the owner. It was a tiny place, no longer in operation. There was a wait for a table, so we joined another couple at the bar to wait.
The other couple were from Maine, named Jack and Diane. It was their first time on the island, so there was lots to talk about. When a table for 4 opened up, we chose to dine together.
The rest of that trip we ran into them everywhere, partly because they went out of their way to go where we mentioned we’d be going during conversations.
My gf kept in contact with Diane after vacation ended. There was talk of a Maine trip. Then Jack had a heart attack and died. He was five years older than me. Diane moved west to live with their daughter and son in law.
That’s my story about Jack and Diane.
I really enjoy your vacation stories.
Maybe we’ll run into each other!
Carpe Diem for sure. And retirees, though some of our excursions require more than comfortable shoes. We did a night swim with manta rays last year.
But you can be sure to find my Wife and I down by the pool reading by 7am (what?!!? the bar doesn’t open untile TEN!?!?). Pool volleyball if that’s set up
I don’t know that any of them really fit me. I find vacations exhausting. I will sleep until ten, go do something fun and then retire to my hotel room early - and enjoy it! I usually schedule one or two days of complete inertia.
Funny about the family one. Many years ago, my husband’s family took everyone on an all-expenses paid Mediterranean cruise. “Everyone” at the time was about thirty people, most of them with the same names, which confused the hell out of customs. At any rate, we had official family days where we all had to do the same thing, and… you guessed it. Matching powder blue polo shirts. Embroidered with the family name. So embarrassing. We cousins made up a silly name for them and they are a treasured memory.
I thought they were from the heartland, not Maine.