The Physics of Hiyruu

After enlightening us with his unified field theory, faster than light speed solution, and refutation of Darwin, I think it’s only fair to repay his selflessness in informing us of how the world really works. I can think of no more fitting way than by presenting the physics of Hiyruu, the genius himself.

Calculating the wavelength of Hiryuu:
Load a 70kg Hiryuu into cannon. After firing and initial acceleration, he reaches a velocity of 50 meters per second. Max Planck, while no Hiryuu, gives us the tools to calculate his wavelength. Solving for wavelength (lambda) we arrive at a wavelength of 1.89x10^-37 meters for Hiryuu. I was hoping for a golden ratio, but alas…

Calculating energy release of cold fusion Hiryuu:
Traveling as above, what if we convert Hiryuu to energy? Einstein, also no Hiryuu, gives us the conversion. Solving for E, we find that we can release 6.29x10^18 Joules from on Hiryuu. Hmm, maybe he has a use after all.

Elastic collision of projectile Hiyruu:
Using p=mv, what will happen if our cannon-launched Hiyruu strikes Oksana Baiul while she is stationary and preparing for her next routing? Assuming she is 50kg (hey I’m in a good mood) we know that Hiryuu will grab on to our erstwhile heroine. Conserving momentum, we find the duo sliding away at 29 meters per second. New olympic event? Eh, perhaps not.

damn! spellcheck doen’t fix stupidity: one Hiyruu in calculation number two.

Oksana’s routine from calculation three.

How about Schrodigger’s Hiyruu?

Put one Hiyruu in with a single atom of radioactive waste, and a rubber ball, and see which one he will use to link the Golden Ratio to a can of Dinty Moore’s.

Well, how many calories could you squeeze out of Hiryuu? Some of us don’t have access to matter conversion technology and need to know how much power you could get by tossing him into a furnace and strapping a steam turbine on top.

(I need to know, dammit.)

Key riced! What is it with you people? Are your minds so closed that you can’t see the truth?

They laughed at Velikovsky too, and…

Wait a minute. They’re still laughing at him.

Never mind.

Well, slortar, untrimmed mutton has 3.76 kcal per gram. I get 263,200 kcal from one Hiyruu. You are going to need a few more Deal-a-Meal™ cards.

When will scientists be able to determined the velocity of an unladen Hiryuu?

[sub]Someone else can finish that[/sub]

A Hiryuu of Euclidean or Minkowskian geometric golden ratios? Sheesh, be specific, man.

Personally, the measurement I’m most interested in is calories. So, can we throw him in a bomb calorimeter and set him on fire?

Yes, I think there are some really disturbing implications here we must follow. For example, if we atomized him and blasted him into a fine cloud of particles in high orbit around the planet, would the diffraction of the sun’s lightwaves through the mist of his remains be enough to significantly effect global warming? I think we need to check.

Well, what would happen if Hiryuu used his amazing physics knowledge to travel faster than the speed of light straight into a black hole? Would he just be crushed more quickly, as we would hope? Or would he be able to get past the event horizon, journey through to the singularity, and get spit through a wormhole and end up back in the 14th century, where he could make a fortune as an alchemist? How would it affect his mass - specifically, his brain mass? Would it actually increase it beyond the mass of a pea?

And more importantly, just how big of a barn could you paint from the paste that his body would make as it was stretched into near-infinite thinness by the black hole’s gravity well?

Well, slortar, the density of Hiryuu approaches that of water [it only seems like lead]. Thus he has roughly a displacement of 70 liters. Converted to gallons, we have 18.4 gallons of Hiryuu, with which we could cover just under 6,500 sq. ft. with a 1mil coating. Depending on the size barn you had in mind, the rest is easy.

woodstockbirdybird, relativisticly speaking, mass increases with velocity. If Hiryuu flys at the speed of light, and I don’t doubt that he does, his mass will increase and he will become even more subject to the gravitational pull of the black hole.

Oh, sure, Waverly, I’m aware of the effects on his mass when he’s traveling at the speed of light. But remember, this guy can transcend such trivial physical matters, and move faster than the speed of light, at which point, I assume from reading his posts, the normal laws of physics break down and new variables are introduced, such as brotherly love and dexterity/charisma ratios. I’m worried that the gravity from the black hole won’t be enough to pull him in, and we’ll be stuck with him on the boards for a long time to come.

Twistoffate has a terrific idea there.

I propose a small change. In a sealed chamber we place Hiyruu, a vial of poisonous gas, a mechanism which will break open the vial when a coin comes up heads, and a two-headed coin.

Flip the coin! Flip the coin, Hiyruu! We promise not to look!

Inquiring minds want to know: What is the tensile strength of Hiyruu?

Heisenberg Hiyruu

If we knew the precise momentum of all of his particles, would he just disappear?
Terrorist Hiyruu

Go to MS Word, set the font to Wingdings2, type Hiyruu. It proves that there were 5 attacks planned, and Hiyruu was the fifth. To quote the genius:

[sub]C’mon… you knew it would eventually come to this.[/sub]

So what happens if you listen to Hiyruu and play The Dark Side of the Moon at the same time?

Speaking for myself, he’s inspired me to strive to attain a 61.8% return on my investments per year. This will allow me to afford the doubtlessly prohibitively expensive tickets they’ll be selling on the new Concordes that travel faster than the speed of light.

You people are all wrong. Hiyruu is obviously a quantum phenomenon related directly to the Uncertainty Principle. It is impossible for him to Make Sense (i.e., be in a state where his Quantum Sense has a value of 1) and have that Sense be observed simultaneously.