So I’m the mood to whine right now about the drama that is my life.
I think the last time I was in here I mentioned that The Guy still hadn’t moved out of his old apartment (where he was living with Victorian Heroine) and how I was worried that he never would. I had basically convinced myself that he wouldn’t, to try and avoid disappointment later.
Well, around the beginning of September I finally brought it up with him, and he told me that yes, he’d moved to a new place. You can imagine my relief - I’d been thinking that in the end he’d lose his nerve, like he has so many other times before.
A week or so later I was on the phone with Mr Inappropriate (who is now living in DC) and he was asking me how I was, and I mentioned that I’d been a bit blue lately. He then interrupted me to say, “I can imagine. I can’t believe that The Guy extended his lease with Victorian Heroine!”
Me: “… He . . . what?”
Mr Inappropriate: “. . . Oh, shit.”
So it turns out that The Guy HAD moved into a new apartment, but WITH Victorian Heroine. Which he conveniently forgot to tell me. I was devastated, depressed, furious . . . I wrote him a furious email (I couldn’t bear the thought of talking to him) saying that I’d put up with a lot of shit these past two years but that this was it, that he’d finally done something even I could not forgive. He sent me a long, loooong rambling email that dredged up all the old feelings . . . I replied saying that I didn’t want to talk to him ever, until he had something new to say. Yeah, I shouldn’t even had added that caveat but what can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment.
Anyway, a couple months later, just as I’m finally able to go through days without thinking about the whole thing, I had a very vivid dream about him - vivid enough to distract me for the rest of that day. The following morning my mom barges into my room while I’m still sleeping and starts badgering me about The Guy and what happened between us (I’d told her we’d broken up but no details of course).
Mom: So you guys have really really broken up right?
Me: mmmphgh :: hides under pillow ::
Mom: Did you break up with him or did he break up with you?
Me: Ugh, I don’t know. Mom, I got in at 3 last night!
Mom: Why did you break up with him?
Me: … :: mumbles into pillow :: I just felt like it.
Mom: Okay. Because there’s a letter from him.
Me: :: sits bolt upright :: WHAT?
Mom: :: non-chalantly:: He wrote on the envelope “please don’t just throw away”. Why would he write something like that?
:rolleyes:
I opened the letter with mixed feelings. There was only reason he would have written - he’d finally broken up with Victorian Heroine for good - but I would still be an idiot to take him back. But of course a part of me still wanted to forgive him, despite it all. What the hell was I going to do . . .
I needn’t have worried. His letter was begging me to give him another chance, saying he knew he could change, that he knew it was in his power to still be with me - but no, he was still living with VH.
So after another couple weeks of agonizing over my rational self and my still-existing feelings for him, I finally wrote him a letter saying that even if he broke up with her at this point, I would never, ever take him back. That it was no longer in his power to be with me, that it was finally over between us. And I mailed it this week.
There is still a part of me that’s brokenhearted, but I do feel that I have finally have some closure to the trainwreck of the past couple years, and that the wound is no longer festering but healing.
Sorry, that was way longer than I expected it to be. :smack:
gt, I’m not sure what my plans are anymore. I do know that I’m going to be here for at least another year, if not longer. I haven’t given up my plans for a PhD though.