[Elvis]
One for the money!
::gyrates hips::
Two for the show!
::gyrates hips::
Three to get ready, now go, cat, go…(etc, etc)
[/Elvis]
. I have refreshed my beverage and am patiently waiting for the next act.
Shame…I was going to offer to strip down and bring you drinks. I’m in good shape now (trying to get ready for a mayday party…long story), but I’m still a rotten dancer. Can I just wait on you hand and foot, instead? You know, the 100 post thing and all. Plus, you’ve got such a, um, promising name…
Gee, thanks for springing for dinner and the cab fare. Next time I’ll bring my wallet.
So… this is your place, eh? Niiiiice.
Here, let me show you how you can hack into those pay-per-view porno shows. You just call them up, and…
Oh, heck. That didn’t work. What’s your credit card num–oh, nevermind. I already have it memorized.
Gee. It’s kind of hot in here.
Mind if I take off my clothes?
Oops! Look at that. The little German soldier is at attention. Back off, Heinrich! hahaha
You, um, don’t mind if I ah, masturbate a little, do you?
Ooooh yeah. YEAH! Ahhh. Jenna Jameson, I love you!
That comes right out with turpentine, you know.
Hey? What’s that over there? A bottle of Campari? Woohoo! Time to get FACED!
(with an affectionate nod to Kaz)
No one can convince me that the men of SDMB are shy and/or retiring… So what’s the deal? Let’s get something going!! I wish to be entertained!!!
::jiggle::
::jiggle, jiggle::
::jiggle, jiggle, wobble::
Whoa!
::jiggle, jiggle, wobble, flail. wobble, wobble, flop, jiggle::
Help!
Wombat, kiosk, credenza… spasmodica!
I’ll cheerfully accept your offer of servitude. I’m a great tipper but where should I put this dollar bill?
My stuff, eh?
Well lets see…
I got this belt sander, a circular saw… here’s my beloved hammer, favorite of all my stuff…
I got a bag here with a lot more stuff in it. I’m not sure what everything is called, but I’m sure it will come in useful someday… in a few years I’m going to start up a Canadian Junkyard Wars in my backyard.
…
er…
“Not that stuff,” you say?
…
ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… I get it. That stuff…
I better go check with my wife…
:: trots off to get permission to act like a slut for a whole wack of women (and men) ::
She says I “can do whatever I want.” I know what that means.
next…
Hmmm…no pockets in this outfit. You’ll just have to be creative. Where shall I set down this Long Island? Anything else while I’m here? foot rubs, back rubs; apparently we are a full service establishment.
Although I should make sure FCM is okay. And what will you be having tonight? I’m sorry, we insist that all of our guests are good and liquored up…
You’re not gonna get my sack of weed.
::cheers:: We want more Jester!! We want more Jester!!
Wear a British flag and i’m all yours, baby. 
Strut my stuff? Why, is it falling down? I can see where it needs a little bracing here and there, but full struts? Ok…
Bang
Bang
Bang
Whrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Scrtch
Scrtch
There!!! Those 1 by 2’s oughta hold those shelves up.
Oh, and by and by, you don’t want to see that kind of my stuff. It would break your monitor. [sub]And not in a good way, either[/sub]
Do you have a permit for running this here male strip joint, Miss B?
Permit? Oh yeah, sure… let me just get that for you. (slips him a $50 under the table) Now, how about a little action?
Walks across the stage in nothing but a black felt cowboy hat. Hair almost tickling his cheeks in the rear. 
[sub]hides quickly behind the curtain… “can someone bring me my boots and jeans?”[/sub]
I’m with Zoggie. More Jester, please!
For god’s sake, shave your back. Ew.
So THAT’S why I can’t get a date! All this time I though that the ladies I met were jealous of my long flowing tresses.
<Walks out in policeman outfit, with cast on one arm>
My, my, it seems this here lil lady has been one naughty, naughty girl! Looks like I’m gonna have to take you down to the station…
:eek:
<Big guy in boxer shorts runs in, and picks Jester up by the scruff of the neck>
Why…errrr…hello there, officer! I didn’t think you’d be regaining conciousne…uhmmm…waking up, so soon!
What? Your uniform? Why, yes, you can have it, I just need to go, and…
<makes a break for it, trips and falls over the bar. Policeman proceeds to beat Jester senseless with billy clubs>
Uhhhhh…try again later? Owowowowowowowow…
After the lengths that some of us women have gone to just to entertain the men of the SDMB (ahem, Patrick…), this is the payback we get?
I don’t quite think so. Get in here and get to showing us your stuff-NOW!
All of you!
Where’s Omni and his shiny, white ass?
Where’s Lizard?
Where’s everyone’s favorite attention-hound, aha?
[sub]BTW, Patrick, you are excused from this thread–I want a private show![/sub]
andyman takes the stage wearing a sock (just guess where it is!) with his bass over his shoulder.
With a huge amount of distortion on his bass and voice he proceeds to do a medley of Bawitada, Higher Ground, and Dragula. ::Sneers at the crowd::
Any requests?